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Friends... and other things, too...
June 13, 2004 ~ 2:33 AM
cai5fnatux told me to write something. i told her i haven't written anything for a year and then some. i wrote something today. it seems a little angry. but greg liked it. he told me i should write in sarcasm. never tried that. but then, i've never written angry before either. because... i generally don't get angry. cai5fnatux is beautiful. greg... no comment on greg. ugh
matt picked up one of my phone calls tonight. we talked for almost a minute this time. he told me "don't move up you psycho bitch" and things like he is gonna keep running away. and like... something about a restraining order. ... if you all haven't noticed... i don't have much regard for the law. as i speed all the time. and i had sex with matt when he was a lil 17 yo boy {i was in love, couldn't help it}. as i STEAL shit all the time. not to mention all the bodies i've buried. okay so maybe not the last one. but i really don't fucking give a shit about the law. i'm a hippie. i follow my heart.
david alvarez... not who i thought he was. someone told me once that he is a jerk. and when i met him, he seemed crude... and sorta jerk-like... i didn't think too much into it. he's cute, tho. me n matt's sister used to gush over him. heh. he's jen's age. a month n a few days younger. he is.. matt's friend nick's little bro. so he's not close enough to matt to hate me. *yay* he's gonna befriend my sister, too. so yay for her cuz i dint want matt's sister lauren talking shit about jen jus cuz she's my sister. david was really cool about that he's like yeh matt's sister is in love with me so if i'm nice to yer sister matt's sister will be nice to yer sister. i'm glad. david is a good kid. very football oriented. but a good kid. claims he's gonna hang out with me and help me get my mind offa matt when i get up to SC. ... even if he doesn't, hey it's the thought that counts, right? he's got good intentions.
jen's lil friend zac is wonderful. he's one of the boys she took to six flags. i never took the time to notice him before. i'm usually too busy being in love with matt to notice other boys. but this one, he's got heart. i asked him for a hug and he drove over and gave me a hug. lol. he gives me a shoulder to cry on and that's good. his brother is 8 days older than me and graduated a year after me.... werd.
got in another argument with my mother cuz she enjoys picking fights. luckily my uncle was here and he's actually SANE and RATIONAL and he set my mom straight. i won. i'm proud cuz i didn't cry. my mom usually makes me cry when she argues with me. least she doesn't hit me anymore. not like she used to anywya. she still hits me really hard on the head with her hand all the time. and it hurts but it's mostly jus annoying cuz i keep telling her to stop. she's such a fucker.
i can't find a place to live still. so i guess imma sleep in the car? iono. it's gonna be such a drag. 6 hour drive. and thinkin bout matt. crying over matt. there's gonna be lotsa that. the last time i went up that way in a car, was that october when i dropped everything and decided i wanted to spend the rest of my life with Matt and we went up to soquel with alla my stuff. god i love him. that's gonna kill me. hopefully i get to see him when i get up there tho. that'll make it worth it. *sigh* <3
matty's friend ross is cool. that's the guy who lives in oceanside who lemme crash at his place. he is a t-dog... {trendy mother fucker} but u kno wut? he's smart. he's starting a skate brand or something. entrepranuer {sp} AND a surfer AND a skater AND an all around funny guy. real chill. he tells me i'm sprung on matt. and he thought it was totally fucking hilarious when i was down there in SD and i was fighting matty off with such grace and aplomb. lol. then we talked about my issues... matter of fact, i think imma put the convo in here... wait a sec...
Rossdbos1: I got two emails from my friend in SC asking if that chick had issues... What were you saying..
KatLikesStars: huh?
KatLikesStars: wud he mean issues?
KatLikesStars: he was cool was gonna help me find a place to crash
Rossdbos1: i have no idea he was just questioning who you were and if you were a person he should help
KatLikesStars: um... iono. u b the judge of that
Rossdbos1: I told him you were..
KatLikesStars: i'm not gonna force no one to help me
KatLikesStars: i'm kaitlyn
KatLikesStars: lol
KatLikesStars: wut else?
KatLikesStars: i'm me
Rossdbos1: right
KatLikesStars: wud u tell him i was? jus curious
Rossdbos1: just a nice girl... not much else
KatLikesStars: n heartbroken. ;-)
Rossdbos1: dont know you that well
KatLikesStars: to matty's dismay
Rossdbos1: matty wanted your sex
KatLikesStars: i kno
KatLikesStars: lol
Rossdbos1: good stuff though
KatLikesStars: it was funny
KatLikesStars: meh
KatLikesStars: i kno i dint hurt his feelins none n that's wut counts
KatLikesStars: i dun get it i'm not even hot
Rossdbos1: right.. his balls were blue
KatLikesStars: he makes me seem like i'm some supermodel
KatLikesStars: it's hilarious
KatLikesStars: awww poor guy. shower session
KatLikesStars: he's good
Rossdbos1: lotion in the shower in Mex
KatLikesStars: lol
KatLikesStars: zactly
KatLikesStars: bye bye blue balls
Rossdbos1: lol
KatLikesStars: he'll find someone else. he shouldnt have problem finding girls
KatLikesStars: as far as issues go i'm pretty heartbroken and that's a huge issue
Rossdbos1: matty... he's the man.. he's fine
KatLikesStars: so i guess i have an issue
KatLikesStars: meh
KatLikesStars: matty's sexy
KatLikesStars: jus not... my matt duncan
KatLikesStars: heh
Rossdbos1: I think you were hiding your sexuality when you were here.. you are way more open then you apear
KatLikesStars: lol
KatLikesStars: u betcha
KatLikesStars: i'm the most sexual girl u will ever meet
KatLikesStars: jus i'm in love
KatLikesStars: lol
KatLikesStars: and um... so there's only one guy for me
KatLikesStars: and any guy who's ever "been" with me... can tell matt he's damned lucky to have me.
KatLikesStars: and he doesn't even want me
KatLikesStars: lol
Rossdbos1: you know why I say that is the first thing I said is to show my balls for laughs and you said lets see them
KatLikesStars: i hafta go beg him to take ME back
KatLikesStars: hahahahahha
KatLikesStars: yeh
KatLikesStars: sorry
KatLikesStars: all my friends were guys
KatLikesStars: so i'm sorta one of the guys
KatLikesStars: i think that's why i'm bi
KatLikesStars: jus got so accustomed to checking out girls n hittin on girls with my guyf riends
KatLikesStars: =P
Rossdbos1: good stuff.. like it, like all guys
KatLikesStars: yeh. i'm confident that imma get matt back even though things look bleak right now. i jus din't want to ahve anything in between u kno? cuz i do love matt and sleeping with matty woulda been betrayin my own heart. and as sexual and sex deprived as i am... i won't do that. not the person i am.
KatLikesStars: matty's the best sex i've ever had tho. =D {aside from matt but I�m in love}
KatLikesStars: if yer friend in SC asks again, that's my issue
KatLikesStars: lol
KatLikesStars: bein in love
KatLikesStars: that's a huge issue. i'm in love wiht someone who thnks theydun want me
Rossdbos1: me.. of course... heart broken and all.. Fuck, I understan
KatLikesStars: awww see?
KatLikesStars: that's the issue i have tho
KatLikesStars: so if he asks again
KatLikesStars: u can tell him that
Rossdbos1: it took me months
KatLikesStars: =/
KatLikesStars: u over it now, tho?
Rossdbos1: matty has been heartbroken too
KatLikesStars: um...
Rossdbos1: yep... lookn for a happy little girl now
KatLikesStars: got any prospects?
Rossdbos1: here and their... always open...
KatLikesStars: good stuff
KatLikesStars: girls have it easy
KatLikesStars: but here i am i'm totally in love with matt n don't want anyone else
KatLikesStars: and he don't want me
Rossdbos1 : after my daughter was born.. not the same since.. much different than heartbreak
KatLikesStars: but tons of other guys do
KatLikesStars: lol
KatLikesStars: =)
KatLikesStars: yer so lucky
{this is where I get lazy and give up taking out the time... I hate the fucking timer thing on the AIM logs... ugh}
KatLikesStars (1:32:36 AM): hmmm...
KatLikesStars (1:32:40 AM): i guess i do have issues
Rossdbos1 (1:32:47 AM): how many screen names do you use?
KatLikesStars (1:32:53 AM): like... 9
Rossdbos1 (1:32:54 AM): I found 3 on my computer
KatLikesStars (1:32:56 AM): iono
KatLikesStars (1:32:59 AM): matt keeps blocking me
KatLikesStars (1:33:02 AM): so i go onto my old ones
KatLikesStars (1:33:10 AM): so i use them all off and on
KatLikesStars (1:33:17 AM): and sometimes i'm on alla them at the same time
KatLikesStars (1:33:28 AM): i have a lot of sns
Rossdbos1 (1:33:30 AM): this name is the best though
KatLikesStars (1:33:34 AM): =)
KatLikesStars (1:33:35 AM): thanks
KatLikesStars (1:33:55 AM): i thought it sounded better than "jump start my heart"
Rossdbos1 (1:34:05 AM): perfect..
Rossdbos1 (1:34:16 AM): thats why guys pick up on you online
KatLikesStars (1:34:23 AM): lol
KatLikesStars (1:34:28 AM): i guess
KatLikesStars (1:34:45 AM): you shoulda seen the IMs i got when i was using my KnkyLilKittyKat screen name
KatLikesStars (1:34:46 AM): lol
KatLikesStars (1:34:57 AM): boy that was hectic
Rossdbos1 (1:34:59 AM): a little dirty
KatLikesStars (1:35:05 AM): i ahve tons of sns cuz i change em according to my mood
KatLikesStars (1:35:12 AM): this one came to be when matt broke up with me
KatLikesStars (1:35:15 AM): =/
KatLikesStars (1:35:24 AM): the one i had before this one was katlikesstars
Rossdbos1 (1:35:29 AM): did you need a lay
KatLikesStars (1:35:43 AM): oh with kinkykat? yeh. i so needed to get laid
Rossdbos1 (1:35:43 AM): or just pissed?
KatLikesStars (1:35:57 AM): oh with this one?
Rossdbos1 (1:36:01 AM): yep
KatLikesStars (1:36:28 AM): u see, matt's the ONLY guy in the world i would have sex with. cuz i love him and he's got my heart. and when he broke up with me, that cut me off from sex and love. hence, fuck start my heart
Rossdbos1 (1:36:48 AM): I here you
KatLikesStars (1:36:52 AM): cuz i needed sex and my heart felt dead
KatLikesStars (1:37:17 AM): i'm very proud of myself for fending off matty... he knows all of my buttons
Rossdbos1 (1:37:24 AM): lol
KatLikesStars (1:37:26 AM): proves to ME that i'm too much in love with matt
Rossdbos1 (1:37:42 AM): when are you heading to santa cruz
KatLikesStars (1:37:46 AM): monday
KatLikesStars (1:37:51 AM): i haven't heard from yer friend
KatLikesStars (1:37:58 AM): so i'm prolly gonna hafta sleepin the car
Rossdbos1 (1:38:00 AM): is he going to deny you?
KatLikesStars (1:38:09 AM): well iono... he thinks i have issues
Rossdbos1 (1:38:34 AM): not my friend your X... or something
KatLikesStars (1:38:38 AM): i tried callin him and he dint pick up... left a message he dint call back... i dunno his email i was talkin to him on your name on MSN and i dind't save him onto mine
KatLikesStars (1:38:40 AM): oh matt?
KatLikesStars (1:38:42 AM): he better not
KatLikesStars (1:38:54 AM): iono
KatLikesStars (1:39:00 AM): i cant stay with him cuz he lives with his parents
KatLikesStars (1:39:06 AM): he was gonna move out with me this month
KatLikesStars (1:39:12 AM): then he broke up with me
Rossdbos1 (1:39:18 AM): you are so sprung
KatLikesStars (1:39:21 AM): so now i have no where to go
KatLikesStars (1:39:24 AM): lol
KatLikesStars (1:39:26 AM): fuck yeah
KatLikesStars (1:39:29 AM): it's pathetic
Rossdbos1 (1:39:34 AM): what is it?
KatLikesStars (1:39:52 AM): what is what?
Rossdbos1 (1:40:13 AM): about him?
KatLikesStars (1:41:25 AM): that I love so much?
Rossdbos1 (1:45:57 AM): yep
KatLikesStars (1:48:22 AM): his innocence. his blatant love for me. stupid shit like he tries to finger me in public sometimes when i wear a skirt and no underwear. cuz he held me this one night when i was throwin up n he sat in a shower stall all night cuz he dint wanna move me in his lap to wake me. the way he looks at me. the fact that i trained him, when imet him he was a virgin so he is PERFECT in bed/kissing/everything. mmm... his cock... the way he smiles when he's messing around with me. the way his eyes sparkle sometimes and the way he breathes when he cums. how excited he gets about video games. when he tries to sing and sucks at it. he kisses me on the shoulder and my hair when we sleep and he's holding me. the way his hand fits into mine and his penis fits into me. the way he looked at me when he asked me to marry him. the night we drove to san francisco and saw it and exited the freeway just to get back on and go home and that was one of the best nights of my life. the things he says and the ways he shows me he loves me. watching him grow up a little from being an insecure little boy to a sexy-ass cocky bastard. the way his body tapers down at his waist. and most importantly... the way he eases my pain without saying a word, just being near him makes all the bad go away...
Rossdbos1 (1:49:54 AM): sprung
KatLikesStars (1:50:10 AM): damn straight
KatLikesStars (1:50:13 AM): like i sed. issues. LOL
Rossdbos1 (1:50:29 AM): a little bit
Rossdbos1 (1:50:41 AM): how long were you together?
KatLikesStars (1:50:47 AM): we were only together for 11 months
Rossdbos1 (1:51:02 AM): just long enough
KatLikesStars (1:51:05 AM): yeh
KatLikesStars (1:51:18 AM): hook line and sinker, man
Rossdbos1 (1:51:50 AM): you been in love before?
KatLikesStars (1:52:07 AM): um yeah... i don't think it was real though
KatLikesStars (1:52:15 AM): with matt... i can't even imagine being with another guy
KatLikesStars (1:52:24 AM): with the other guy... i fantasized about Matty
KatLikesStars (1:52:24 AM): lol
KatLikesStars (1:52:39 AM): only sometimes... not all the time
Rossdbos1 (1:53:08 AM): your young.. life will change you in a million ways. still... the more you hold on the harder it gets... not to give you bad news...
KatLikesStars (1:53:23 AM): nah
KatLikesStars (1:53:26 AM): imma get him back
KatLikesStars (1:53:29 AM): i have faith in love
Rossdbos1 (1:53:31 AM): you wont even know yourself until you are 24 or 25
KatLikesStars (1:53:32 AM): lots and lots
KatLikesStars (1:53:44 AM): oh i kno i keep changing
KatLikesStars (1:53:47 AM): everyone does
KatLikesStars (1:53:54 AM): matt's changed me a whole fuckin lot
KatLikesStars (1:54:02 AM): i'm no longer me... i'm Matt's Kitty...
KatLikesStars (1:54:13 AM): i'll keep changing
KatLikesStars (1:54:23 AM): but i know myself
KatLikesStars (1:54:36 AM): i'm very... frank... i kno wuts goin on... i knew since i was 5
KatLikesStars (1:54:45 AM): very honest with everyone and myself
Rossdbos1 (1:55:06 AM): honesty is great.. always!
KatLikesStars (1:55:14 AM): everyone has issues... i jus seem to have more than others cuz i'm really open and don't mind tellin ppl
KatLikesStars (1:55:15 AM): lol
Rossdbos1 (1:55:33 AM): right...
KatLikesStars (1:55:44 AM): but really, everyone has issues, u kno?
Rossdbos1 (1:56:00 AM): I have tons
KatLikesStars (1:56:44 AM): see? but jus so yer friend in SC will help me, u shud tell him i don't have any
KatLikesStars (1:56:44 AM): lol
Rossdbos1 (1:56:47 AM): watching porn and chatting with you at the same time... some would call that an issue... I would call it honest
KatLikesStars (1:56:51 AM): cuz i REALLY need a place to stay i dun wanna live in my car
KatLikesStars (1:56:56 AM): hahahaha
KatLikesStars (1:56:58 AM): porn?
KatLikesStars (1:57:02 AM): why is that an issue
KatLikesStars (1:57:10 AM): so long as it's not asian porn . =P
KatLikesStars (1:57:28 AM): and yer not secretly thinking of me
Rossdbos1 (1:58:19 AM): nope not thinking of you.. and not into asians..
KatLikesStars (1:58:29 AM): see? then it's not an issue
Rossdbos1 (1:58:30 AM): bummer though
Rossdbos1 (1:58:34 AM): wish I was
KatLikesStars (1:58:35 AM): it's like watchin tv
KatLikesStars (1:58:37 AM): why?
KatLikesStars (1:58:45 AM): ?????
Rossdbos1 (1:59:20 AM): I have never had an asian.. I think once I have I might be into them... everyone else I know who has had an asian girl is into them
KatLikesStars (2:00:12 AM): is matty? i think he digs hispanic/dark/tan girls and imma freak accident
Rossdbos1 (2:00:42 AM): nope.. he's into you
KatLikesStars (2:02:06 AM): i'm sure i'm one of MANY
KatLikesStars (2:02:27 AM): he's really sweet but seems like such a play boy he's gotta have dozens of girls after him at any given moment
Rossdbos1 (2:02:33 AM): I wouldn't know.. only see him a few time a year
Rossdbos1 (2:02:45 AM): good for him!!!
KatLikesStars (2:02:52 AM): lol
KatLikesStars (2:02:54 AM): yeh
KatLikesStars (2:02:57 AM): poor guy
KatLikesStars (2:03:02 AM): so many women so little time
Rossdbos1 (2:03:17 AM): lol
Rossdbos1 (2:03:26 AM): we should all be so lucky
KatLikesStars (2:05:54 AM): meh. I jus want matt. he's all i want. i wish YOU the best of luck tho
KatLikesStars (2:06:03 AM): iono wut it is with Matty... he's just... magnetic
KatLikesStars (2:06:08 AM): did he tell u how we met?
Rossdbos1 (2:06:19 AM): nope
KatLikesStars (2:06:35 AM): it was so random... i think it was like a monday night or something... liek a school night
KatLikesStars (2:06:54 AM): and i was about to start walking home (dorm at college ten UCSC... REALLY far)
KatLikesStars (2:07:07 AM): and i walked by matty who was walking in the opposite direction giont to his car
KatLikesStars (2:07:12 AM): and i like... watched him
KatLikesStars (2:07:17 AM): iono there wasn't many ppl so i noticed him
KatLikesStars (2:07:25 AM): and i walked past him and decided to turn around
KatLikesStars (2:07:26 AM): lol
KatLikesStars (2:07:30 AM): and i went over to him
KatLikesStars (2:07:33 AM): and asked him for a ride home
KatLikesStars (2:07:39 AM): and when he took me back to the dorms
KatLikesStars (2:07:45 AM): i invited him up to my dorm room
KatLikesStars (2:07:51 AM): and then i got naked and we had amazing sex
KatLikesStars (2:07:52 AM): ....
KatLikesStars (2:07:54 AM): yeh...
KatLikesStars (2:08:06 AM): that was wild
Rossdbos1 (2:08:21 AM): is that why you named yourself on my chat board Matty's crazy friend Kat
KatLikesStars (2:08:27 AM): lol
KatLikesStars (2:08:29 AM): HAHAHHAHA
KatLikesStars (2:08:34 AM): iono that's wut Matty calls me
KatLikesStars (2:08:37 AM): his crazy friend Kat
Rossdbos1 (2:08:46 AM): good stuff though.. the world need more girls like you
KatLikesStars (2:08:50 AM): lol
KatLikesStars (2:08:54 AM): i'm not like that anymore though
KatLikesStars (2:08:55 AM): ;-P
Rossdbos1 (2:09:00 AM): right!
Rossdbos1 (2:09:13 AM): your are in hiding
Rossdbos1 (2:09:22 AM): your spirit is being repressed
Rossdbos1 (2:09:28 AM): you will change
KatLikesStars (2:09:29 AM): yeh...
KatLikesStars (2:09:32 AM): i miss Matt
KatLikesStars (2:09:36 AM): and his great big penis
KatLikesStars (2:09:40 AM): HAHA
KatLikesStars (2:09:41 AM): sorry
KatLikesStars (2:09:45 AM): that was too much info, i'm sure
Rossdbos1 (2:09:56 AM): lol
Rossdbos1 (2:10:34 AM): I'm out... goodnight! and goodluck in SC
KatLikesStars (2:10:39 AM): nitey nite
KatLikesStars (2:10:44 AM): tell her friend to not be scared of me!
KatLikesStars (2:10:45 AM): lol
KatLikesStars (2:10:49 AM): and to help me out, man
KatLikesStars (2:10:54 AM): cuz i REALLY dun wanna sleep in a car
KatLikesStars (2:11:07 AM): u can tell him my "issues" if u wanna... in love and sex deprived.
KatLikesStars (2:11:09 AM): ha
KatLikesStars (2:11:19 AM): tell *your friend
Rossdbos1 (2:11:27 AM): never tell a boy in SC your sex deprived!!!
KatLikesStars (2:11:32 AM): HAHAHHAHA
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�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again...
July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol
July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards*
July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo
July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean....