Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry *falling the FUCK apart* June 26, 2004 ~ 9:28 PM Still the same fucking pain. What the fuck is up with this? SO MANY GUYS WANNA FUCK ME and have tried in the past month. They have all failed miserably. And there Matt is in Costa Rica... hitting on other women and doing god knows wut else. I hate my fucking life and I need to die. I don't understand why I'm so fucking hopeful. Deep down inside my foolish heart still believes that Matt is being true to me and that he'll come back to me without fucking anyone else or hooking up with anyone else or fooling around with anyone else. Even though all signs point to "KAT IS AN IDIOT". I should just kill myself now and save myself from the pain. It seems like the best deal. Avoiding pain so inevitable that it's already killing me. I don't WANT him to come back to tell me about all the women he did in Costa. Fuck that. I'm hurting so much I can't even cry anymore. It's just a constant sharp/dull aching pain permeating my very being. I can't live like this. And yet, I want to live. Cuz deep down inside I'm still a fucking hopeless romantic and I still believe in Matt. CAN U SAY "FUCKIN IDIOT"? Well give it a try. Say it. And point in the general direction of Santa Cruz. Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry ~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~ �MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES� August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again... July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards* July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean.... .