Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry He said "love you" on his own... *sigh* July 02, 2004 ~ 7:00 PM MattGenuineDraft signed on at 5:05:54 PM. FckStartMyHeart:: =P MattGenuineDraft: hola chica FckStartMyHeart:: hey wut time r u getting back on 9th? FckStartMyHeart:: ??? MattGenuineDraft: like 4 orso FckStartMyHeart:: is there any way i can see u? FckStartMyHeart:: i miss u FckStartMyHeart:: + i'm horny FckStartMyHeart:: =P MattGenuineDraft: wow MattGenuineDraft: you are horny MattGenuineDraft: what about me MattGenuineDraft: lol FckStartMyHeart:: hey if it's stormy... like rainy lightning type stormy... cud u not get on the plane? MattGenuineDraft: group of guys FckStartMyHeart:: u got head FckStartMyHeart:: fucker FckStartMyHeart:: lol MattGenuineDraft: and MattGenuineDraft: yea MattGenuineDraft: lol MattGenuineDraft: like 10 days ago MattGenuineDraft: and yea FckStartMyHeart:: so? MattGenuineDraft: hno release here FckStartMyHeart:: i haven't gotten ANYTHING MattGenuineDraft: group of guys FckStartMyHeart:: since u've been gone MattGenuineDraft: no chance to releive my self MattGenuineDraft: heh FckStartMyHeart:: good FckStartMyHeart:: hey wut did u mean by it was strange? FckStartMyHeart:: u sed somethingl ike that the other day MattGenuineDraft: talk to you in person about it FckStartMyHeart:: why FckStartMyHeart:: =/ MattGenuineDraft: i think you would prob post itin your diary or info or somthin MattGenuineDraft: you have a reputation of doint that FckStartMyHeart:: my diary is locked FckStartMyHeart:: just tell me FckStartMyHeart:: how was it strange MattGenuineDraft: in a week FckStartMyHeart:: HOW WAS IT STRANGE FckStartMyHeart:: i don't even write in my diary anymore FckStartMyHeart:: and everyone is locked outta it anyway, ask rough he's on my list and i don't send out the password anymore FckStartMyHeart:: how was it strange FckStartMyHeart:: Matt? FckStartMyHeart:: sweetie what did you mean by it was strange FckStartMyHeart:: y r u ignoring me... *sigh* FckStartMyHeart:: matt... MattGenuineDraft: lol MattGenuineDraft: il tell you later FckStartMyHeart:: why can't u tell me now? FckStartMyHeart:: can u come see me when u get back? FckStartMyHeart:: i wanna touch u agn FckStartMyHeart:: and if it's stormy/rainy/hella windy or lightning type weather on the day of yer flight i do'nt want u on it FckStartMyHeart:: but if u do come, i want u to come see me MattGenuineDraft: http://www.poetry.com/Publications/display.asp?ID=P6267101&BN=999&PN=1 FckStartMyHeart:: wut is it? MattGenuineDraft: um FckStartMyHeart:: i don't have internet explorer anymore MattGenuineDraft: you should know MattGenuineDraft: hahahahahaha MattGenuineDraft: its your peoms FckStartMyHeart:: oh FckStartMyHeart:: why r u reading my poems? FckStartMyHeart:: r u gonna come see me when ug et back? MattGenuineDraft: why did you send it to my house in the mail FckStartMyHeart:: wtf FckStartMyHeart:: i didn't FckStartMyHeart:: send anythign to yer house MattGenuineDraft: iono MattGenuineDraft: sis said you did MattGenuineDraft: meh MattGenuineDraft: i dont really care FckStartMyHeart:: well can u come see me when yer back? MattGenuineDraft: um MattGenuineDraft: prob FckStartMyHeart:: *yay* MattGenuineDraft: meet up some where or somthin FckStartMyHeart:: i have job training 930-4 MattGenuineDraft: that is fine FckStartMyHeart:: so we can meet up at denny's right next to my job FckStartMyHeart:: oh and i got that job MattGenuineDraft: my flight doesnt get in til like 3 somethin MattGenuineDraft: or 4 MattGenuineDraft: wont be home till likke 6 MattGenuineDraft: so iono when MattGenuineDraft: prob late FckStartMyHeart:: $17.50 for each presentation MattGenuineDraft: what do you mean FckStartMyHeart:: 10 presentations/week FckStartMyHeart:: at least FckStartMyHeart:: i can do more FckStartMyHeart:: so no matter wut FckStartMyHeart:: i get $700a month FckStartMyHeart:: but if i can actually SELL something FckStartMyHeart:: it'll be more FckStartMyHeart:: cuz i get paid commission FckStartMyHeart:: $700 is if i don't sell jack shit FckStartMyHeart:: lol FckStartMyHeart:: but i'm sure i cud sell something once i find someone to sell it to cuz i hafta find my own clients FckStartMyHeart:: i'm a sales person FckStartMyHeart:: wanna buy some hella sharp/strong knives? =P MattGenuineDraft: for? FckStartMyHeart:: Carico MattGenuineDraft: omg FckStartMyHeart:: we sell infomercial shit MattGenuineDraft: you sell knives FckStartMyHeart:: :-D MattGenuineDraft: lol FckStartMyHeart:: yup MattGenuineDraft: guh FckStartMyHeart:: i get samples FckStartMyHeart:: lol MattGenuineDraft: no MattGenuineDraft: you dont FckStartMyHeart:: hahahahaha FckStartMyHeart:: hahaha FckStartMyHeart:: yes i do FckStartMyHeart:: i hafta MattGenuineDraft: give thme to me FckStartMyHeart:: i hafta show the customers FckStartMyHeart:: they are REALLY sharp FckStartMyHeart:: u don't hafta saw at shit FckStartMyHeart:: like u can jus press down FckStartMyHeart:: and it cuts thru almost anything FckStartMyHeart:: i also sell other things FckStartMyHeart:: like fine china FckStartMyHeart:: and air purifier FckStartMyHeart:: and a water filter that's installed in yer home FckStartMyHeart:: and a juicer FckStartMyHeart:: lol FckStartMyHeart:: random shit MattGenuineDraft: wow FckStartMyHeart:: wine glasses MattGenuineDraft: good luck with that FckStartMyHeart:: it's a like infomercial stuff MattGenuineDraft: The last message was not sent because you are over the rate limit. Please wait until sending is re-enabled and send the message again. FckStartMyHeart:: =D but even if i can't sell anyting i still get at least $700 a month FckStartMyHeart:: so do u know of anyone i can practice on? it has to be someone older than 30 MattGenuineDraft: hahah MattGenuineDraft: andy? FckStartMyHeart:: we're not allowed to sell to anyone under the age of 30 unless it's ppl getting married FckStartMyHeart:: he's not 30 yet! MattGenuineDraft: omg FckStartMyHeart:: no like... parents MattGenuineDraft: over 30 MattGenuineDraft: i have no idea FckStartMyHeart:: anyone who'd let me practice on em? FckStartMyHeart:: hmmm... so u can't get in hurr til 6 FckStartMyHeart:: boo FckStartMyHeart:: BOO FckStartMyHeart:: i'm like.. wearing yer boxers and i'm dripping thru FckStartMyHeart:: and soaking my sleeping bag FckStartMyHeart:: jerk FckStartMyHeart:: hey FckStartMyHeart:: does this mean i'm allowed to get a guy to eat me out? =P FckStartMyHeart:: cuz there are plenty of guys who'd love to =D FckStartMyHeart:: *growl* MattGenuineDraft: um MattGenuineDraft: fuck no MattGenuineDraft: and i got to go MattGenuineDraft: you left me on a bad note MattGenuineDraft: GRR FckStartMyHeart:: i was jus kidding FckStartMyHeart:: i love you FckStartMyHeart:: and id on't want anyone else FckStartMyHeart:: i've had ppl offer FckStartMyHeart:: and i told them fuck no FckStartMyHeart:: wut u sed FckStartMyHeart:: lol FckStartMyHeart:: don't worry about anything. i'm yer kitty and no one else's FckStartMyHeart:: <3 MattGenuineDraft: k MattGenuineDraft: love you FckStartMyHeart:: thnk of me FckStartMyHeart:: naked FckStartMyHeart:: n stuff MattGenuineDraft: buh bye FckStartMyHeart:: i love u too MattGenuineDraft: good dream last night MattGenuineDraft: but MattGenuineDraft: gtg MattGenuineDraft: no more time FckStartMyHeart:: lol k FckStartMyHeart:: <3 MattGenuineDraft signed off at 5:26:01 PM. I'm happy. But terrified. I know I've got a whole lotta fckn pain comin to me. Wutever he said was strange. Iono. Jus seeing him agn. Knowing he kissed another girl. Knowing another girl has touched his body, his penis, his lips. Turns my stomach. As a matter of fact... I think I'm really gonna throw up. I wish I could shove a knife up into my stomach. But I wanna be in one piece when he comes back. So let's try to reverse the falling apart I've been doin. I rarely update my diary anymore. Compared to how much I used to. And I'm writing less in my hand journal, too... Running out of room. Iono. Matt hooked up with somebody who isn't me. Knowing full well that I am head over heels in love with him. SOMEONE is never gonna get head from me again. Not cuz I'm bitter. But because that was something VERY selfless of me... Cuz I hated giving head and I did it for him cuz I love him. And he ruined it. Him getting head from another girl is almost sacreligious considering my personal parallels between LOVE and religion. I'm not gonna tell him yet. I'll break it to him sometime when he gets back. At least I still get to make love to him. And fuck his brains out? Same thing. Heh. Iono. I don't know if I'll want to kiss him either. My kicking Matty Umstead in the groin a few weeks ago when he tried to kiss me comes to mind. Love can be overwhelming sometimes, can't it? But it's a beautiful thing. And things like "He doesn't deserve to get you back" and "You should get some guy to eat u out to make it fair" and other comments of that ilk just don't seem rational in your head. When I'm happy again, I'll prolly give him head again. But now I'm too scared to be happy cuz he cud still fuck things up for us. Like I said, I will have my happiness and my perfection of I will die trying to achieve it. Hopefully Matt won't be a fucker and eventually I will forgive him for getting it on with some random girl. Someday. I don't forgive so easily anymore. Noah would be proud. Speaking of ppl I shouldn't have forgiven in the first place... I'd love to kick Emilio Fernandez's fuckin ass. And maybe castrate him. Damn him for stealing my virginity. Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry ~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~ �MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES� August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again... July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards* July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean.... .