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~I am feeling .
~I look at the moment.
~I am listening to right now.

God, I love this boy so much....

...and my lil kitten Moo, too.

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the miracle of Moo

July 28, 2004 ~ 1:29 PM

Moo has been suspiciously snuggly with me lately. Like she hasn't tried to bite or scratch me at all and usually she does it all the time cuz she loves to play. It's really weird. Whenever I get into bed, which I do a lot cuz it's the most comfortable way to type on my computer, she comes and curls up on me. On my back. And if I'm reading my book, she curls up on my side and the pillow I always have between my legs. When I sit up cross-legged to let the boys sit on my bed and watch them play Marvel vs Capcom 2, she comes and curls up on my lap. I mean she's so there for me. Whenever I'm sedentary here. If I'm wandering around she'll do her own thing but as soon as I settle down, she settles down. This started the day Nick brought me back after that night Matt told me he didn't love me. It's like... she knew. And she still knows I think. She's been helping me sleep! The warmth of her body on mine and her almost constant soft rumbly purring. She purrs so softly. My other cat, Shadow, he purrs like a 69 Chevy Camaro. Moo's like... Lexus... Lol. She's so adorable. It's almost as if she's trying to tell me "Don't worry Mommy, there is such thing as love. See? I'm usually a jerk and I'm loving you real good! I mean, if I can change, anybody can change... even Daddy can change..." Oh and right now I'm sitting on my pillow typing so she curled up against my butt. Lol. And put her paw on me to remind me she's there. Cuz sometimes I'll forget and lie down on her. =P She's still scratchy and hella playful with the boys... but with me... she's been so so sweet. I never thought I'd see the day when Moo would rather cuddle than play. I think Madman is wrong about Matt. Moo took after her daddy real good. And she changed for me in these hard times. Matt says that he can change. Moo changed in front of my eyes. Me, I changed overnight... into something horrible and faithless. But still, change. What is disturbing to me... is that regaining my faith in love is not one of my priorities. My priority is ridding the world of myself and the horrible person I've become. Another is money. I want money. I want money so I can move to another state... not bordering California.

I don't like being in emotional limbo. At least Moo knows what she's doing.

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August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again...

July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol

July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards*

July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo

July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean....