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~I look at the moment.
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God, I love this boy so much....

...and my lil kitten Moo, too.

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Forgiveness... Meh. Lol

July 29, 2004 ~ 3:57 AM

Rough says that kissing Matt is the same as forgiving him. That never occured to me. Because of the fact that I don't give a rat's ass about anything right now, I didn't even think about awaiting an apology, or forgiving him. I dunno. I don't forgive him. If I did, wouldn't I have faith in love again? I kissed him... for me... because I wanted to feel something. I could only hope to be hopeful. I'm terrified, really, of the person I am right now. I have no feelings. I cannot be hurt and I also do not have compassion for anyone. I think I am going to die alone and unhappy anyway. So meh. I don't forgive him. He still has to make something up to me. I just don't care about it right now. Right now, I'm just gonna concentrate on... caring... again. I mean... first I need to care right? Then I can be indignant and demand retribution or for Matt to repent. I mean I'm sure if I tried I could do it now. But it's way too much effort for something I don't give a shit about. He treated me like shit. Meh. I'd treat everyone like shit now. I'm careful with a few people. I'm very careful with Rough. I'm careful with Madman. I'm scared of emailing Amber. I'm on eggshells with K Stan. I try to be careful with Scott. And Andrew has been a dick before so he doesn't mind me being a dick to him. Lol. Yeah... considering how many people I know who I talk to everyday, that list is depressive. I wouldn't be surprised if I have no more friends by the end of this week. And for some weird reason... I don't care... Hahahaha. Yeah... we're getting that point now. I say that a whole lot.

Moo stopped doin her thang. When I got back from talking to Matt, she stopped cuddling me. Lol. As much. I mean she curled up on my back at some point. But now she's sleeping in the bathroom. Far far from me. But then, the boys are sitting on my bed playing Marvel vs Capcom 2. So iono. I don't really care. I just thought it was weird.

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August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again...

July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol

July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards*

July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo

July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean....