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My poor baby.
January 17, 2003 ~ 1:07 AM
Noah's having a bad day I believe. It makes me so sad that I can't do anything to make him feel better or happy and stuff... He's all grumpy n such. =/ Makes me sad. He found out that he won't make the deadline for a lot of the undergrad research stuff that's he wants to apply for. =[ I'd be sad too. He's just all grumpy and down and there's nothing I can do about it and I'm so SAD fer that. ::sigh:: He'll come out of it, I know he is. I feel bad cuz I think I am the cause of his academic funk and stuff... He just can't get the drive that he had last quarter. He's all... unmotivated. I think his appathy could have something to do with me? I don't know. He's missed like three of his Organic Chemistry classes and that's like his favorite class, it's what he wants to do research for. How can I help but feel like this is at least partly my fault? Or it may be mostly my fault. Or all my fault. And I killing his drive and his ambition? That's even worse than well... anything. The thing that amazed me so much about Noah Dekkers was his drive and his intelligence and his passion to learn. He told me finals week last quarter that he hadn't studied since he met me. Oh dear. I could be totally his problem. I've never seen Noah this apathetic about academia in general. It's so horrible. And I feel really bad. Like I should do something about it. He's so depressed cuz he's really behind in his classes, and he was planning on being totally ahead and stuff. And then he met me, I guess... isn't that a terrible thing? I'm ruining my boyfriend's future or somthing. I don't know how to fix what I've developed in him... this... appathy towards school. We need to get him back on his game. I'm gonna make sure he goes to class and stuff. He doesn't believe in sleeping {sounds like me senior year in hs} a lot and then now he doesn't get up in the morning anymore {or can't}. I don't really know what it is that I've done but I hope to all the stars above that we pull out of this... I plan on leaving him a lot alone so he can study. And you know what? He's been sleeping with me. That is so wonderful. He wrote a really good poem on the fifteenth, I wish you guys could read it but it's in his diary and you don't have the password. =P Yeah... My poor Noah nerd...
I spent forever talking to Mike and John today. They are the guys who live across the hall from Noah and Steve. I love Michael. He's Filipino and just so so awesome. He's one of the friendliest people that I've ever met. Very sweet boy. John's hella rockin. He loves like Taking Back Sunday and Jimmy Eat World and stuff. They both have awesome taste in music and stuff. John's got a boyfriend named Jen. It was so weird listening to him talk about her... cuz her name is Jen and that name has such significance to me now. I don't even like to call my sister that anymore. I call my sister Jenupa or Nupa. Weird. Yeah so I walked into their room cuz the door was propped open and stuff. I had talked to them before you know so not like they didn't know me. We just chatted for like forever as I poked around and got nosey like I do sometimes. It was good times. They are two really great guys. They use the same deoderant. Neither of them have any real food in their respective frijagators. BTW they each have a fridge. Both were prepared to live alone and then they surprised each other I guess... Lol. Iono. They are fun though. Good people. I plan on getting to know them better and stuff. It's funny how Noah was like I think the guys across the hall from me are anti-social. And then John and Mike are like, OMG the people in this hall are all so anti-social! They're never friendly or anything they never talk to us and stuff. Lol. Weird. I hear that a lot though. Same thing on both sides. Cuz I usually get myself on both sides of the equation. I'm one of those I-don't-know-you-but-I'm-gonna-love-you-and-be-your-friend-first-and-then-if-you-don't-like-me-you-can-tell-me-later people. So I think I end up knowing everybody. I like that about me. I know I impose sometimes and sometimes I'll make people uncomfortable or something but it's really all good cuz once they open and let me pour into them and into their environment they generally will get used to me and like me. Mike for instance took to me like fish to water. He's great. John cusses too much but I think he's one of the ones who'll respect my wishes and just not curse around me. We'll see. I'm gonna go hang out with Noah now. He asked me to. Lol. I'm not gonna be imposing on his precious personal space. And, watch out, I can bring my stuff in there too. Whoa. Progress. I'm just kidding. I'm not making a big deal out of this. I'm only pretending to. =D Cuz I'm a dork and I can. Mhrmm... Me and Noah are good right now. No conflict. It's wonderful. I think it's cuz he stopped reading my diary! Lol. Hey I stopped reading Peter's diary. I forgot why I did so... so I went and I read some last night. And I remembered why. You know how like little simple easy grammatical or spelling errors bug the hell out of me? Well Peter does this thing where he spells "DOES" like "DOSE" as in a dose of medicine. Lol. It just bothers me. I like reading Noah's diary though. He's been writing poetry. And you know I love poetry. Especially when it's totally from the heart. And Noah's is. He doesn't write poetry unless it's straight from the heart. Well, there's one that's sorta iffy... like there isn't too much passion in it.. I don't remember which one it was... Hrm... Yeah... I sat with Andrew today in Bioethics. it was so good to spend time with him again. He's got the most insightful, amazing things to say cuz he just thinks like that. I miss my talks with him into the early mornings... =/ He's such an awesome person. Curses way too much but I love him nonetheless. And he knows it. Good stuff. Gonna go find Noah now. =] Gonna go find my sunshine.
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�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again...
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July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards*
July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo
July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean....