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... but on a lighter note...
January 18, 2003 ~ 2:15 AM
Noah does this thing where he asks me repeatedly if I'm gonna be okay. I'm always gonna be okay. If I ever do succeed in trying to kill myself, I'll be even more okay than I am otherwise. =P Too bad I promised Peter I would never leave him. I love Noah too much to leave the material world. I have to do good in school now. I want to transfer to UW- Madison after a while. Well, maybe not. I like it here. Noah's here. Noah's everything. I don't think I can leave everything for nothing. I don't have the means to be there. Hell, I shouldn't even be here at UCSC. Meh. Yeah. Stuff. I'll be okay. Even if it kills me inside I'll be okay. Always. It's how I work. It'll take me a while to get used to not sleeping and still be able to function, but I'll pull it off. I went to eat with Peter. I knew that I had to eat. It doesn't mean I wanna. Or was hungry. Or had any appetite. I just remember that I did promise Yana that I would eat no matter how upset I become. Damn me and my promises that I make people. Afterwards Peter and I went to Longs to get my Prozac. Didn't work. Something stupid. DOn't wanna talk about it. Anyway it's day #2 without Prozac now. Oh joy. No wonder I'd like to not live. Talk about depression. Meh. Yeah. Peter went to the mall with Brad, Carolyn, Crane, and Matt. I ate with them by the way. And that Matt guy is warming up to me a little more. I still get the chilly vibes from him but it's getting better. I think he'll get used to me. He's just one of those people. He didn't find me attractive so he just automatically didn't like me. He'll like me once he spends more time with me. I'll win him over with my dazzling personality ;]. And if I don't, I'll be okay with that too. I went and saw Adaptation tonight with Mike and his friend Dawit. Mike's really awesome. He's a real chill guy to hang out with. I like him a lot. More so than his roomate. His roomate is really cute but just does not compare with Mike's coolness. Dawit is awesome to. He's Ethiopian. Now is that awesome or what? I can tell by the way that he looks. He's such a nice person. His name means "David" in Ethiopian. He actually was born in Ethiopia and moved here when he was 11. He's 20 now. Yeah wow. I was the only one of us three tonight who was born in the US. Dawit is pronounced kinda like "da wheat" in Ethiopian but he just says it sorta like "Da wit" now. Like tha wit. Da wit. Dawit. Yeah. It's craziness. His birthday is July 7th. My sister's bday is July 7th. My birthday is October 19th and his sister's is October 20th. Wild, huh. We were eating at the taqueria and talking about birthdays. It scared Mike. Lol. He was getting all freaked out. Cuz our bdays are switched. And is sister is older and I'm older than my sister. So the older bdays are both Oct only one day apart and the two younger bdays are both 7/7. That is so crazy, man. Mike's birthday is cool, too. He was born on St. Patrick's day. March 17th. And the funny thing is that he didn't even know that he was born on a holiday til me moved to the US cuz I guess that's not a holiday in the Phillipines. It was fun hanging out with them. It make me feel more alive. We're gonna go party sometime. Hehe. It really was way good for me to get out. I would have just stayed in bed and moped and cried if Mike hadn't messaged me. I can't wait to get back into the party scene and feel alive again. I'm too social to just stay in all the time... the whole last two weeks I just felt like I was going through motions and stuff. I did nothing on Saturdays or Friday nights. This is a great compromise between me and Noah. He does his thing and I'll do mine. And I won't bother him anymore and I won't do anything to stop him or slow him from doing what he loves to do best. And I'll do what I do best period. Cope.
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�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again...
July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol
July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards*
July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo
July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean....