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more rollercoaster.
January 18, 2003 ~ 10:08 PM
I decided that I'm gonna go to bed like now. Maybe I'll get more sleep? Iono. I'll try. I actually slept really well last night. Peter spent the night with me. So kind of him. [thank you, peter] I just didn't sleep a lot. We slept at like 4 I think? Don't worry, I was wearing clothing. It was strictly platonic. Like when I fell asleep with Daniel that one night. I was wearing a nightgown. And Peter was wearing his jeans. I don't understand how it is that Peter can sleep perfectly well with me and Noah can't. Noah loves me more than Peter does, I'm sure. Iono. I guess it has nothing to do with love for guys. For me it does. It was so good to fall asleep in someone's arms. I know Noah will prolly flip about it... but yeah. I just wanted some sleep. I need a designated sleeping buddy. Like one person who can sleep with me when I need to get up in the morning for class. Lol. Peter sez he volunteers. Scott does too but I'm sure he wouldn't keep it platonic. Lol. And you don't know who Scott is but yeah. Some guy I met at the bus stop today. {I'll tell you about it later} So yeah. I didn't go to the San Francisco peace march. I really wanted to but you know what? It's not gonna do anything. We're already at war. Jack's been shot and sent back from Iraq; he's going back in two months. There's nothing that anyone can do to stop George Bush from declaring all out war. And people wonder why I'm sad. I don't have my Prozac and the great leader of my government is a fucking blood-thirsty oil-hungry killing machine who will never even leave his warm comfy office chair. As our men and women die for him. I hate life. I hate the world. I love people but there are certain people that I would love to shoot. Or put in an insane asylum and psychoanalize. Gr. Yeah. I went to Longs today to get my Prozac. guess fucking what. Insurance problems again. This is like first quarter all over again. And this time, I need to do well in school. How the heck am I gonna pull that off? I don't do miracles. So yeah. No Prozac unless I pay the $50 something dollars and stuff. Gr. I need to pay the school like $2000 something also. They just don't tell me how much I need. Only that I need to pay something and otherwise I won't get that special blue sticker that sez "Winter 2003" on my ID card. So send me a freaking bill already. What the hell. I'm not psychic. First they wouldn't let me pay anything til I went to that stupid interview. So I went to the stupid interview and now they won't tell me how much I need to pay them. And guess what. I lost my glasses. I hope they are in Noah's room. Cuz they aren't in mine. And my eyes are getting worse as we speak. I met this really nice guy at the bus stop today. He's got a bit of a crush on me, I must admit. Peter sez that it's no ones fault and I just look kissable. Lol. Iono. He followed me home. I had nothing against that. I was all alone and some company to distract me from my stress was ideal. So he came up and hung out. And we went and ate with Mike. Then we came back. And we was talking. And I was talking to ppl online too. And out of no where he's all "I know this is a bad question, but will you make out with me?" Poor thing. I told him no flat out. He's all shy though. I could tell it took him a while to work up the guts to ask that. I explained to him how much Noah meant to me. How I would never cheat on him. And Scott got all embarrassed and stuff. He kept on apologizing and stuff. It was cute. I can tell he's really sorry. I've decided to be friends with him. Like say Marcus, he's just trying to seduce me. Scott is a virgin and he never meets "nice girls" and when he met me he was all hopeful and stuff. He says that all the great girls he meets always have a boyfriend. Sucks for him. I know how that was like and stuff. I feel for him. I'm really not upset that he asked to kiss me... only cuz he didn't try to kiss me at all. He asked. It was kinda cute. I didn't feel threatened by him at all. And he wasn't out to seduce me or anything. He's just... cute. Lol. Like a boy who's got a crush on someone who's older. Only I'm prolly younger than him. Peter tells me that I have come-hither lips. Lol. I dunno. Maybe I do. I don't do it on purpose or anything. I just started talking to Scott cuz he started talking to me. Commenting on my cat ears and the cat that just ran behind the bus stop and such. He was real nice. I think I'm gonna go to bed now. Mhmm. I've been wearing my retainers and it hurts like hell and such etc. It's horrible. Horrible, I tell you. Dammit. I want my glasses back. Both pairs! I hope that Noah is having a ton of fun. I miss him but he needed the break. My love. I miss my Noah. I miss my everything. Ew. I'm sleeping alone tonight. Alone... Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. alone. alone. alone. alone... alone... alone... alone... alone... alone.. alone.... alone...... alone... ... . ..
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�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again...
July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol
July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards*
July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo
July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean....