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Yeah, I'm a dork. We knew that.
January 21, 2003 ~ 8:18 PM
I forget that I love the rain. And that it cheers me up. And makes me happy. Mmm... Rain is so nice. Freezing outside but I loved it. Breath of fresh air so to say. I don't think I care about anything anymore. I went to check my mail. Hmm... Yeah. I need to go to traffic school. That didn't even bring me down. Yeah. I didn't feel like being out in the cold anymore so I decided to come back here. Mhmm. Yeah... Restarting my computer... Noah pushes my door open and gives me the most weirdest look. Or I think he did. I couldn't see it. I can't see period, actually. Still don't have my glasses. What I read really were his vibes. Didn't get to read anything really. He left too quick. I didn't get it. And frankly, I don't think I care. I'm gonna go do my Chemistry homework now. Honestly, deep down inside, I do care. I'm crying inside, really, no joke. It's just, I can't let this happen to me anymore. Me getting upset too the point that I'm so numbed I don't give a fuck about anything. I'm lucky it's raining. I doubt that I'll get back with Noah. Well, there's no doubt that I'll want to. I love him too too much, I'm just pretty sure that he's not gonna take me back. He doesn't need this either. Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah. If I ever did get back with him, I'd deal my own way. I wouldn't let him see me cry. If ever he makes me want to, I'll leave immediatly. Then I'll cry on my own, and I'll get over it. I won't get upset enough to cut myself and I won't give him any drama. I just need to stop forgetting that I am ultimately alone in the world. I'm only marginally sad right now. Only cuz I won't let myself feel. ::sigh:: I think I miss him already. I know I do. I'll get over it. I don't think I'll get over him. But I will get over "it". At least now he can do what he needs to do without having to think about what he should do for his depressed, drama queen, basket case girlfriend. Dammit, a tear slipped out. One tear. ::sigh:: Oh well. It was just one. ::squeezes eyes shut:: Last one for my Noah.
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�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again...
July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol
July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards*
July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo
July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean....