Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry rambling about my love life (or lack thereof) May 27, 2002 ~ 3:39 PM Is there something wrong with yearning for a nice solid relationship? What is so wrong with me that I keep on getting with these guys that I can't be sure about. All relationships are supposed to start all rocky right? Mine start rocky then fall apart. I try so hard to be good to everyone. I try harder to make others happy than I would ever for myself. Is that why I can't find happiness? Because I am too busy trying to make others happy? Surely there is someone out there who won't mind exerting himself a bit to make me happy. I just want to be with someone who will be there for me. Someone who won't ask for anything except for me to be me. I don't think I want Adam back only because of the fact that he couldn't stand my wanting to cuddle after sex. To me, that hurts a lot. It's like he brushed me aside because he was done with me or something. Maybe it's for the best that he broke up with me. I'm so scared that I have lost faith in happiness. It just never happens for me. I'm tired of striving for ever-elusive happiness. I'm not sure if I believe in that anymore, either. I lost my faith in love when I lost my virginity violently. Now I've lost faith in being happy. I think I was stupid to take a leap of faith for Adam. Why did I ever believe that he could make me truly happy? I mean, when I lost Michael Sindelar, I wasn't too sure whether or not I wanted to get into another relationship because with Mike, for the first time since Richard Lopez left, I had been happy. And then Michael took that away. I got with Felipe because he was there to console me. But I thought he was sort of immature. When he broke up with me, I told myself, 'no more boys'. I don't understand why I said yes to Adam. I mean, I can live without him. Not like he was a Richard Lopez or a Michael Sindelar. There are like a million guys who are hotter than him, who are nicer than him, who are smarter than him, and definitely more modest than him. Why am I so screwed? What did I ever do to deserve this treatment from men? I try so hard to be nice! ARG! Kitty Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry ~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~ �MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES� August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again... July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards* July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean.... .