Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry Duh, Kat April 10, 2003 ~ 9:54 PM I'm just gonna go for my first plan. Clean up my room and then go set up camp in front of Noah's room. Ridiculous, huh. Lol. Iono. The possibility occured to me that Noah told Jake and Suzanne to tell me to get over Noah and that he's bad for me. It is a possibility. I love him so much. I remember when we were in the mental hospital... he looked so fatigued. I was just looking at him and at that moment I fell even more in love with him than I ever was before. He didn't have to come to the hospital to get me. He could have just let me deal with it myself. But he didn't. He came to help me. He was there for me. He told me that he couldn't abandon me. I guess that extra love I got right there, that's why I could break up with him. That's why I could look beyond my own comfort and my own happiness and try to let him attain his. Even though it is breaking my heart. I'm so preoccupied. I can't believe that tomorrow is friday. I hate it when the world moves on without me. It shouldn't do that to me. I'm already disoriented. I can think of nothing but Noah. I know that I will go to my classes tomorrow. I'll meet with eeman at 1:30. I'll meet with lupe at 2. But I won't really be there. My mind will be with Noah. I miss him so damned much. He's just... everything. Every single damned thing. I'd give away every single valuable possession of mine just to be with him again. But that's not what he wants. Everytime I want to go beg him to take me back... I remember that anger... the determination to get me the hell out of his room... the pain he inflicted upon me in that moment, when he physically dragged me and shoved me out of his room... it reminds me how much he didn't want me there with him. All I wanted was to be near him. What's mine is also his... but what's his... I guess that's just his. Dammit. Everytime I hear the door to the stairwell open, my heart leaps, I hope it's Noah. But it never is. And it might never be. My heart hurts so bad. Great. I'm crying again. Dammit. I love him so freaking much. Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry ~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~ �MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES� August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again... July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards* July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean.... .