Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry Sexy Andrew April 11, 2003 ~ 2:50 AM Andrew is so good to me. He's such an amazing human being. He's got his faults. But he's still amazing. I think if he really really really tried, he could prolly seduce me eventually. Right now, sex is repulsive and the last thing from my mind. Even with Andrew. It's a weird feeling. To be around Andrew and not feel sexual. Me and him have got some intense chemistry. The kind with sparks and passion. But I was totally unaffected. I'm just so empty right now. I'm just sad. Or there is no feeling at all. This inner calm. I'm just waiting now. Waiting for Noah to come around. To come talk to me. To realize how much I love him and how much he means to me. I was looking at Andrews Exacto knife while I was in his room tonight. Ha. I thought about my own Exacto knife. The one I had snuck out of the box and had hidden. I gave it to Noah. It was the last thing I had. Noah had thrown away the box. And even knowing that, I gave it to him. I regret it, yet I am glad that I did it. I was almost tempted to steal Andrew's blade. Almost. And then I thought of Noah. His pain and shock when he saw my cuts. His anger. His despair. I almost cried right there. I didn't take it. I wanted to run over to Noah though. Climb in through his window or something. To see him and touch him. Love him. I'm not sure how serious he is about putting a restraining order on me. Even if he tried, he can only do so if he can prove that I threaten his health or life or safety. Humph. I'd kill myself if he hated me enough to do that. *disturbing factoid: Andrew's BO smells almost like Noah's. Not quite, but close. It made me realize that I miss Noah's BO. I think I even miss his burps and his farts.* Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry ~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~ �MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES� August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again... July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards* July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean.... .