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elaborating
April 20, 2003 ~ 5:24 AM
my last entry was a little short. i should explain. cuz i wouldn't remember what that was about if i didn't. lol. yeah. eric just stayed up til well, now. or... then... when i wrote the first entry. anyway. he stayed up all night and almost til morning helping me pack. i didn't even ask him to. he's got a thing for me... like i've known for a while. tried to stay away from that one... too... iono... something about him... anyway i was never interested. just threw out the platonic vibes. he gets it. i know he does. doesn't mean he's any less attracted to me. even when i'm wearing a guy's sweater and my leopard print blanket wrapped around me like a dress. humph. i dunno why older guys have always been attracted to me... i used to totally go for older guys. they are the ones who get attached to me and i hafta tell em buh bye. lol. karma? maybe. it's usually a mutual thing. stuff. mhmm... i remember my whole no dating anyone under the age of 22 rule. cuz i kept on getting date raped by 19 year old guys. and most of them were gonna turn 20 soon. and 20 is so close to 21. and 21 i've dated and most of em think they are the shizzit juss cuz they can legally buy alcohol er sumfin so i went one up. there was the rule. then i met noah. there went the rule. durn that boy. i could be with matty right now. lol. no... i think that no matter what i would have ended up falling in love with noah. um... he's... my soulmate. and he's got my heart. too bad i don't got him. um... yeah... older guys treat me better, have more money, usually have cars, etc etc. but noah has my heart. and that's what counts. he loves me. well, he loved me like i've never known was possible for someone so... unlovable.. as me. i can't believe there was so much love and now it's gone. i miss him. i really miss my boy. my bomba. lol. i wonder if he kept that picture. he shoulda. i don't draw that much. i'm horrible at it. i hope he kept it. i must love him a lot to have drawn something for him. =P i still can't find a ride to the medi-cal office. and i can't even borrow noah's car anymore seeing as he won't talk to me. dammit. i'll have to postpone the appt. this SUCKS!!!
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�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again...
July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol
July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards*
July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo
July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean....