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ben, ben, ben
April 20, 2003 ~ 1:06 PM
if he has seen what was in my eyes that night that noah disappeared from my life, he wouldn't be hitting on me. even eddie saw it-my pain and heartache and stubborn love for that boy who doesn't want me and doesn't appreciate me. i have a feeling that ben will be calling me more frequently than i call noah. but then, i don't call noah anymore. anyway the guy is... very much interested. and i find it... well... not so very much annoying anymore but more along the lines of... bothersome. iono. that's not even the word i'm looking for. he's a real sweetheart, though. more of a stoner than a drinker. no sadness in there. no inreparable damage has touched his soul. i'm sure there has been pain... but not the sadness... that deep set sadness. i'll still be his friend though, even if there is no sadness there for me to chase away with rainbows. daniel told me that i love rainbows because i am one. even if someone's mood is dark and cloudy i can brighten it up even if it's just a little. i'm beautiful despite the fact that most people do not appreciate me. and i am interesting and intricate in body. daniel thinks i'm a bunch of sparkly prisms. those prisms must be my tears. to hang out with ben or not to hang out with ben. ugh. i want to but i don't. dumpoopit i broke a nail. bad omen. i shouldn't hang out with ben. i'm just not in the mood to be hit on i guess. love of my life shoved me the hell out of his life. nice. mhmm. kat you have great taste in men. but horrible taste when it comes to the young ones. and how old is ben? 20. lol. great.... i wonder if noah thinks i'm gonna get over him like jen did. that would be funny. really. it would be funny if he still doesn't know me at all by now. i've shown him everything. he brought out the best in me and illicited the worst. i hope he's not in pain. he was in so much pain over his and jen's breakup. but i guess it meant more to him. he dated her off and on for years. i'm thankful and perfectly satisfied with my precious four months but i can't help but want more. i should ask him for tips. he got over me real quick. nah. it wouldn't work anyway. i'm so in love with him... he's the love of my life. i'm still alive goddammit. okay, if i'm completely packed, i hang out with ben. if i'm not completely packed with everything movable then i don't. yay! i made a decision to make a decision. now lets just see if i pack faster or procrastinate! LOL.
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�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
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