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I hope he dies alone and hurting like I will.
April 27, 2003 ~ 4:31 PM
So I told them I wouldn't kill myself. I didn't promise. I miss Noah. I just got out of the mental hospital. It's so much better being in there when you know that you don't belong there and you don't need to be there. I met some great people. I guess there's a rule that you can't stay there for more than a week so people come and go all the time. None of the people from last time were there. There was this old lady, Julia who was very adorable. Senile, but cute. She lied every other word and only had bad things to say about this one woman Brenda. Yeah. She lied a lot but the woman has been through a lot. I got bored and I drew a picture of her. She was delighted. Wonderful woman, really. I liked her even though she lied. She must have been a bitch when she was young and beautiful but at age 76 she was just a sad old lady. This other girl Carolin, I love her. I think I made a life-long friend in her. She is an amazing person. Bi-polar 28 year old, single mother of a 6 year old girl who she spoils rotten. The girl inhereted the bi-polarity. Poor kid. Drove her mom the the mental hospital. I promised dear Carolin that I would call her if I ever became suicidal ever again. Cuz it'll be her job to talk me out of it. And vice versa. =] She's sweet. She could pass for an 18 year old and is very beautiful with a charming dimple in her left cheek. Sweet girl. On the heavy side but very very beautiful. Julia agreed. Lol. Another lady Kim, she was to go home on tuesday. She was crying. And terrified. Of going out into the real world again. It had become a crutch for her. And she's got a daughter, too. Yet she did not want the responisibility of being an adult in the real world. She wanted to stay in the mental hospital and be looked after. I thought that was so sad. I mean, to get you back on your feet, okay... but to hold onto as a crutch forever? No. That's just not right. She's got a daughter who loves her and depends on her. I pep talked her a bit and she feels braver now. More up to it. I also told her about sending her daughter to Japan for study abroad in a couple years cuz her daughter loves Japanese. She really thinks her daughter would love it and thinks it's a really great idea. I spent most of my time talking to Julia and just being there for her. She was so... ignored. Like the workers there would smile and wave but they wouldn't go talk to her and that's what she really wanted. I was watching her trying to wave people over just to talk to and no one would. They'd smile and shake her hand and stuff for a few seconds then leave. I thought that was horrible so I had to go introduce myself to her. I felt resentful towards the staff there who were just sitting behind the counter and ignoring her and gossiping about new cars that they planned on buying. Disgusting. Many of the patients there told me that I was the nicest person on the staff and asked if I was new. Lol. I was like... um... sorry, I'm not on the staff. When the lady Brenda found out I wasn't on the staff she was like "Oh, well that figures. I knew they wouldn't hire anyone but assholes." Lol. It was horrible. They treat the patients like crap. I treated them better and stuff. I felt like I was working there. Ugh. Those people. There weren't even busy or anything. Just chatting to each other about what they did and what they're gonna buy and what they're gonna do during vacation. While a poor old lady sits there all by herself wanting a cup of frikkin tea. Oy vey. So yeah... Got out of course. Got Kim and Carolin's phone numbers. Nice people. Gonna help Kim find a room to rent. =] Okay, so the story of how I got in there. Chelsea dragged me to Sean's party last night and so I drank some and I made out with Chelsea some and by the end of the night like about 2 ish I was really tired of being hit on by guys which happened even when I wasn't with Noah and so I went on my nightly walk down to West Cliff to think about Noah and cry my eyes out and just let it all out before I go to bed and I run into a bunch of drunk people and they are worried cuz I'm crying and they freak out cuz I'm walking up and down West Cliff crying or something and they comfort me and they ask me if I'm okay so of course I hafta talk about the whole shedingy with Noah and so makes me cry more and I accidently told them that I want to die which was a bad idea and I definitely did not plan on telling them that {they were from Stanford by the way smart kids} and so they kept on comforting me and then I guess someone called the cops cuz they came and they asked me if I wanna harm myself and I was like No and {sarcastically} I then asked the officer But can I borrow your gun? And so I was handcuffed {I have worse bruises than last time, by the way, these guys did it even tighter and my wrists are still sore} and thrown in the back of the cop car. And I'm listening to those drunk kids tell how they "Saved my life" and "Restrained me from jumping off the cliff" and "Dragged me away from the edge" and stuff and I started yelling that those people were stupid and of course the cops listened to the mob of drunk Stanford students and took me back to the lovely Dominican Hospital Mental Health Unit. And I didn't sleep for a single second the whole night so I am tired off my ass and I can't sleep cuz I hafta get shit done. By the way, my wrists hurt. And I now officially hate DRUNK Asian people; not just Asian people. I think I'm gonna go try to write but I'll prolly pass out.. yay fun.
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�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
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