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I don't understand why I'm not asleep.
April 28, 2003 ~ 2:47 AM
And even more importantly, I don't understand why I am not crying. I just spent the last... iono how long, reading my old diary entries about how much I love Noah... There's no doubt: he was totally in love with me. I remember it. The love in his eyes. You can't fake that. You just can't fake that. But then, why isn't he here with me now? Why aren't we together? Why isn't he mine? Like he said? Like he promised? He promised he wouldn't break my heart. He promised. I still won't take Aderol. My first kiss with Noah... was to make me stop taking Aderol. Lol. Funny. What a dork. I still will never take Aderol. Honor my first kiss with the boy that I will always be in love with. I'll always be his, no matter who I'm with. I mean, I'm human. I need love. I need affection. I need sex. All that good stuff, you know. But he is still my heart. My mind is becoming more positive. It doesn't mean I have my heart back. Maybe some day. Someday my prince will return. And by then he'll be ready to be the King of my heart. My baby. My lover. Gawd I love that boy. Lol. Aderol kiss. My baby. Yeah. Gonna lub mah babee forever and ever and ever and ever and fucking ever. Dammit. Lol. Like sed I. My stubborn ass ain't given up on love so it cain't give up on Noah J. Durn Squattage! Yeah! That! Think I can do 72 hours awake? I think I could if I tried. Wow. No -phetamines at all! Go kitty. Or not. I feel like passing out. I miss falling asleep listening to Noah's soft snores. Just being in his arms... feeling his warmth and his breath. Waking up with a warm body to snuggle up to.. I miss the texture of his tongue... mmm... I'm gonna have that again. All of it. Ten times better. I'm gonna get Noah Dekkers back and there will be a huge difference that will make things better. He'll be a man and I will be a woman/big kitty! K this cat is gonna crash.
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�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again...
July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol
July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards*
July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo
July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean....