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Things with boys.
May 28, 2003 ~ 2:47 AM
SO Teresa came up with me to SC. She's staying for til Thursday. We hung out with Yoshi tonight. She likes him a lot. Anyone who doesn't like Yoshi has got problems. I talked to a bunch of random people as usual... Lol. I finally did my scene with Anita in theatre. It was okay. She messed up a lot and threw me off a whole lot. But I think we did okay overall and such and such. I was talking to this boy at the pizza place downtown with nice hair. His name is... Blake. Look, I remembered! Lol. He's nice. Then at Lulu's (coffee place) I invited a guy to come sit with us. He's 37. Name is Nigel. I think he is beautiful. He's got wonderful hair. I think me and him are going to become very close. And by that I don't necessarily mean sex close... He's a really good person and when I walked by him the first time I got good vibes. Awesome people are not too easy to come by, you know? He lives at El Palomar. Pretty, pretty hair. He let me pet him!!! Yay! Lol. I was there with Teresa and Yoshi. It was cool... he's a very nice person and I like him a whole lot already. Kasey and Abel both called me while I was there. I kissed Abel when I saw him yesterday. (I mean monday) He ended up coming to find me cuz when he called at 7 I told him not to come pick me up. I chickened out... I don't know why... I was just scared to see him. I feel like honestly, right now, he's one of the only people who can still make me fall in love with him... but my heart wouldn't be in the relationship so it'll go to shit and stuff, you know? Meh. Kasey's real sweet.. he gets all worried about me. I guess it's my fault. I called him the other night cuz I was lonely and needed to talk to someone... Left a message. Oh! I should go take my Prozac... I keep forgetting that. I wonder where Noah is... I miss watching him sleep... listening to his breath as I drifted off into sleep... I miss him so much. And I know that I am prolly still in love with him. I was telling Nigel today that I don't mind having my diary online and public since if I met some random person who I didn't know {for example, Nigel} and the person wanted to know my life story I would tell it... I don't think keeping my life personal is a big thing for me anymore... My parents trained me to think it is... but it really isn't... I'm just too... open. And then I was talking to Gato tonight and he's sitting there telling me how I'm full of shit and I lie and mislead... Meh. Hurt my feelings but I got over it... I think it's hard to hurt my feelings right now.. Lol. Yet I almost cried tonight when I found out Isaac wasn't gonna come visit me... Isaac has come to mean so much to me... More than Charlie, I think. He loves me... he told me. I mean, Charlie loves me, we all know. But he won't admit it. Lol. Isaac tells me that he loves me... and I love him all the more for it... Speaking of love, I loved Abel so much the other day when he came to visit. I saw him pulling up in his El Camino and he'd just lit a cigarette... When he got out of the car I told him to finish the cigarette before coming over to me... he promptly dropped the cigarette onto the ground and continued walking to me without missing a beat... The cigarette was still as long as my middle finger. Lol. He just dropped it... not even taking one last drag or anything... That meant a lot to me... He used to smoke even though I didn't like him to... He's cute... he wouldn't look me in the eye. I think it's cuz he's scared of my parents and if he looked me in the eyes he'd wanna kiss me. And then my parents would kick his ass. Lol. Abel tells me that I still look beautiful even without my heart. And that Noah is a dick. Lol. He kissed me... I kissed back. How could I not? The last time he kissed me it upset me a lot... I was with Noah... I didn't kiss Abel back and it hurt his feelings so much... Me and Abel have really good chemistry I think. Or I think it's residual chemistry from our previous relationship because I really don't feel the chemistry anymore. I didn't really feel it when I saw him last time... He still loves me. I can feel it. I can feel it when people love me and they don't even need to tell me. That's why I liked being with Isaac so much. Now he tells me, too... which is wonderful... it's nice to be reassured about being loved. That's one thing that Gato's got wrong: he says that I constantly want people to reassure me that I'm attractive. I think Noah thought that too... I don't care about that... I just want to know I'm loved. That's always been what I needed. I don't need to hear that I'm pretty. I need to hear "I love you". I'll bet you ten bucks that I'm gonna totally fall for the 37 year old. Lol. I'll bet you more than that. I'll develop a huge ass crush on him by the end of this month if he emails me back or calls me. His smile makes me smile. I think he should shave... but then I think everyone should shave. Lol. Ugh. I still hate facial hair... even though I fell in love with Noah when he looked like a damned hippie. I think I'm gonna see Kasey tomorrow. I'm definitely seeing Isaac's friend Mike tomorrow. Isaac keeps telling me that Mike's full of shit... but I think that's what makes him an interesting person... I don't take him seriously at all. He's a pretty cool guy though... I flirt with him it's funny. Same with how I flirt with Gato I think... Flirting without actually hoping to get anywhere with the person... Lol. It works... I just have a very flirty nature... It's so much a part of my personality, you know? I'm very glad that Nigel let me pet his hair... I liked that very much... I love long hair on guys so much... there's this cute boy that I found on FTJ, his name is Bob. He's gonna come to UCSC next school year. HE'S SO FREAKING ADORABLE!!! I swear I love him already. He's a doll. Lol. Nice hair. I plan on becoming *great* friends with the boy. =] His hair is longer now.. darker. He's a sweetheart!!!!! Okay... I don't know what's going on with me and Steve... That guy is pretty hot... but I really have no hope in hell with the guy... he prolly just wants to have sex with me and then buh bye... See, I'm fine with casual sex, but I'd like to be friends with the person, too. I have trouble having sex with people that I don't love or adore... so the people that I will have sex with are generally ppl that I love... as friends, of course. I dunno... I love sex so much. I don't think there is too much of a difference between a nympho and a slut. Like, I'm a nympho.. but I'm not a slut... or I don't think of myself as one anyway... You know what? There is a difference. I do care about the ppl that I have sex with. Even if I don't know them for a long time... I have to love them or something to have sex with them... I do say no to a lot of people. So I really don't have sex randomly... just frequently. Lol. I don't think I'll have sex with Isaac again... but Bryan, definitely. I'd actually prolly date him. Lol. we know that already, though. I get so repetitive cuz I think the same things and I'll say the thing I'm thinking whenever I think it. Meh. Lol. I seem to meet a lot of people in FTJ. There are some people that are a little sketchy... like I think that some guys just talk to me cuz they wanna fuck me... And I won't fuck them if that's all they want... Well.. not unless they are extremely hot. Actually, prolly not even in that case. I mean, if you are hot and a dick I still ain't gonna fuck you. Lol. Most of my friends, though, if they wanna have some sex on top of being a really good friend... that's fine... What I fear then is people pretending to be my friend just so they can fuck me... I can usually tell, though... ::yawn:: Do you think the 37 year old would really actually go for me? I'm like 14 years younger than him. Lol. {HAHHAAH Teresa snores. Just thought you'd like to know that. She's sleeping right now... I let her sleep on the bed I'm crashing on the floor. She's funny... she wanted to change pants just cuz they're a teensy bit too short looking if she wears her Converse instead of her sandals... what a dork. So I changed out of my skirt for her and put on my camo pants that are too short period no matter what shoes I wear. The girl hugged me to death for it... Lol.} Teesa's 9 years older than me but I can't help but feel like she's 5 years younger than me... she's so... meek. Lol. Sweet, but young. Naive. I love her though. It happens. So we missed the last bus and we were downtown and needed to find a ride home. No one would pick us up... When we got to 7-11, some guy parked and I just ran up and asked him for a ride. He sed yes. Lol. His name is Daniel Peterswright. Introduced himself as Dan. Nice kid. He came from San Bruno which is where my emo boy Mario is from. Coolbeans, huh? Yeah so I'm gonna go... I'm gonna meet up with Mike tomorrow... maybe Kasey... hopefully Isaac, too? I think I'm gonna go to my Chemistry class tomorrow... not sure. Prolly. Four hours of sleep, can I do it? I passed out for an hour and a half today. Just conked out missed my politics class... I think it's cuz I spent the last three days with family... and my parents always tire me out emotionally... ugh. I'm gonna go sleep now. I'm just thinking... I don't really have a dating range, do I? I keep on saying guys over 22.. yet... Abel is 19, Isaac is 19, Auriel is 19. Lol. I guess I don't have a dating range. I won't have a boyfriend for a long ass time but I guess if I'm looking for a boyfriend it's gonna be 22 and up... but for friends with benefits which is usually what works best, I guess anyone who's legal would work? Lol. Eesh.
I'm such a little HO.
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�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
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July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean....