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I need NJD like I need O2
June 30, 2003 ~ 12:36 AM
There is so much beauty. My life is beautiful. My friends are beautiful. The weather is beautiful. The fact that I have new romantic prospects; that's beautiful. But I can't see it. I'm so completely blind to it. Stuck inside this dark cloud pregnant with painful tears. I can't see through these tears. I can't see through this pain. I can't see through the heartache. I can't stop crying. Not even if I think about stupid things like clovers and bunnies and chocolate pie. The pain is SO unbelievable. I should be dead. There's so much pain. I feel bad cuz I'm prolly scaring the shit out of Andy. I don't want to. I don't want him to kick me out. I love living here. Andy tries to understand. Mike from OC sorta understands. Travis, he understands:
Travdude123: your crying because you love him and no guy can match him and anyone that tells you that you shouldnt cry ,that you should feel happy, move on, or says that their there for you is a fucking moron. No one knows how you feel and you should cry. Cry every where cry as much you want because god damnit it fucking hurts
Reading that, ironically, made me stop crying. Just sniffles now... But oh so much pain. I think that guy davidika who messaged me on Yahoo is right... I am a bitch. Cuz I'm not heartbroken. Not really. I'm heartless. I decided to be a bitch cuz I'm tired of random ass guys online messaging me and asking me for pix. "Hi" "Meow" "Can I have more pix of you?" What the fuck. I know they're juss talking to me cuz they think I'm attractive and they wanna fuck me or something. But you could at least TRY to make conversation first. Be a bit tactful. Introduce yerself. Show me yer pic. ANYTHING. Guys are such fucking idiots. Travis doesn't count cuz he made me stop crying.
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�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again...
July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol
July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards*
July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo
July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean....