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Noah IMed me. Yeah I KNOW you all wanna know.
July 21, 2003 ~ 2:30 AM
KatLikesStars: holy shit
NoahDekkers: lol
NoahDekkers: quick response
KatLikesStars: yer still on alert
NoahDekkers: how are you kat
NoahDekkers: i dont want bs
NoahDekkers: just truth
KatLikesStars: well
KatLikesStars: i'm crying now
KatLikesStars: And I just blocked 193 of my 194 buddies
KatLikesStars: how am i
NoahDekkers: I don't feel special
NoahDekkers: how are you
KatLikesStars: you should read my diary
KatLikesStars: i'm shitty
NoahDekkers: should i
KatLikesStars: no
KatLikesStars: you shouldn't
NoahDekkers: k
KatLikesStars: why are you doing this to me?
KatLikesStars: k
KatLikesStars: don't answer that
NoahDekkers: i assume its all manipulative bs directed at me anyway
KatLikesStars: you can do that
KatLikesStars: you're prolly right
KatLikesStars: how am i
KatLikesStars: bitchy
KatLikesStars: i cuss like a fuckign sailor
KatLikesStars: started smoking weed again
NoahDekkers: lol
KatLikesStars: got a job
NoahDekkers: where?
KatLikesStars: can barely pay rent
NoahDekkers: yea
KatLikesStars: drunk 5/7 days a week
NoahDekkers: fun?
KatLikesStars: i barely sleep
KatLikesStars: i eat too much
KatLikesStars: i cry too much
KatLikesStars: and i think way way way too much
NoahDekkers: i cry too, i guess anything in excess is bad
KatLikesStars: i went to the gym today
NoahDekkers: think and no action?
KatLikesStars: felt great
KatLikesStars: action?
NoahDekkers: awesome
NoahDekkers: action as in life work
KatLikesStars: i think about my heart
NoahDekkers: progress
KatLikesStars: that's you
KatLikesStars: i ignore my thoughts
KatLikesStars: and that's how i get by
NoahDekkers: i would include that as bs, as i said above
KatLikesStars: 60 mg of prozac without fail
NoahDekkers: you can skip over that stuff
KatLikesStars: shit
KatLikesStars: what stuff
NoahDekkers: 60 mg now?
NoahDekkers: better?
KatLikesStars: i finally got some prescription sleeping pills
KatLikesStars: yes much better
NoahDekkers: good good
KatLikesStars: i miss you
KatLikesStars: why did you disappear
KatLikesStars: i talked to Jen today
NoahDekkers: why did you do what you do
NoahDekkers: really?
KatLikesStars: yes
KatLikesStars: she's nice to me. she didn't block me
NoahDekkers: thats being nice?
KatLikesStars: yes
NoahDekkers: i see
KatLikesStars: everytime I used to IM her she'd block me
KatLikesStars: and tell me to leave her the fuck alone
KatLikesStars: she's doing good
KatLikesStars: she's in ojai
NoahDekkers: thats good
KatLikesStars: it's really hot there right now
NoahDekkers: oh that sucks
NoahDekkers: i bet
NoahDekkers: summers are nasty in ojai
KatLikesStars: yeah
KatLikesStars: so cal summers are all horrible
NoahDekkers: how is your social life? any good friends worth mentioning?
KatLikesStars: my housemate is nice
KatLikesStars: he was in my bioethics class
KatLikesStars: he sez that i'm witty
KatLikesStars: he actually remembers things i said in class
KatLikesStars: he takes me to dinner
KatLikesStars: and movies
NoahDekkers: =)
KatLikesStars: and pays for everything cuz he knows i'm poor
NoahDekkers: thats awesome
KatLikesStars: he's good to me
KatLikesStars: andy
NoahDekkers: lol
KatLikesStars: i owe my parents money
KatLikesStars: i owe the school money
KatLikesStars: i love my work but i hate it
NoahDekkers: explain
KatLikesStars: cuz everytime i see the ocean
KatLikesStars: nevermind
KatLikesStars: bs
NoahDekkers: =)
KatLikesStars: i work at the boardwalk
NoahDekkers: what place?
KatLikesStars: and i wish i'm out there on the sailboats
KatLikesStars: games department
NoahDekkers: lol nice
KatLikesStars: they send me to different games each week
KatLikesStars: i get to work with CHILDREM
KatLikesStars: i love kids so much
NoahDekkers: salary?
KatLikesStars: shitty
KatLikesStars: $7
NoahDekkers: oh thats awesome
NoahDekkers: kids are great
KatLikesStars: the kids
NoahDekkers: money is money
KatLikesStars: i help them
KatLikesStars: i give them free balls
NoahDekkers: lmao
KatLikesStars: and my supervisors yell at me
KatLikesStars: but i just can't help it
NoahDekkers: too funny
KatLikesStars: cuz the parents play and the kids wanna too
KatLikesStars: but they can't win so the parents won't give them money
KatLikesStars: so i just give it to them
NoahDekkers: how young are we talking?
KatLikesStars: 1-5
NoahDekkers: damn
KatLikesStars: they're so cute
NoahDekkers: cute little buggers huh?
KatLikesStars: there was this one little boy
KatLikesStars: who was all alone
KatLikesStars: and he looked so sad
KatLikesStars: and i asked him why he was alone
KatLikesStars: and he told me he doesn't speak english
KatLikesStars: and so i asked him donde estan tus padres
KatLikesStars: and his face just lit up
NoahDekkers: =)
KatLikesStars: and he started just going on and on and on
KatLikesStars: and i couldn't understand him cuz he was talkign too fast
KatLikesStars: but i still loved him
NoahDekkers: good stuff
KatLikesStars: where are you?
KatLikesStars: porter?
KatLikesStars: i live pretty close to campus. i love it
NoahDekkers: kat, you insult me with questions you know i wont answer
KatLikesStars: i had some good friends during the school year... but now they all went home
KatLikesStars: why won't you answer them?
KatLikesStars: i dont' get it
KatLikesStars: not like i'm gonna go find you
KatLikesStars: i prolly couldn't even get in
KatLikesStars: i'm waiting for you to come to me
KatLikesStars: duh
KatLikesStars: i'm juss wondering
NoahDekkers: skip the bs, i know you, and i know more bs with time, so its your choice, more bs and ill leave
KatLikesStars: wtf
NoahDekkers: no games. you know what i wont answer
KatLikesStars: if i knew i wouldn't have asked
NoahDekkers: more games
KatLikesStars: so what exactly does this mean then
KatLikesStars: just IM me
KatLikesStars: and then disappear again?
KatLikesStars: little taste of the past
KatLikesStars: Noah. tell me how YOU are
KatLikesStars: i really want to know
NoahDekkers: its the present kat
NoahDekkers: I'm really good.
KatLikesStars: i'm so glad
KatLikesStars: i'm glad you aren't hurting
KatLikesStars: cuz it fuckign sucks
KatLikesStars: i had a little boyfriend
KatLikesStars: for a week
KatLikesStars: i couldn't do it
NoahDekkers: lol
KatLikesStars: it wasn't fair to him
KatLikesStars: lol
KatLikesStars: i dream about you
KatLikesStars: a whole lot
KatLikesStars: and one time
KatLikesStars: i had this dream that was so fuckign real. that i almost expected to wake up with you next to me
KatLikesStars: i skipped work that day
KatLikesStars: never again, though
KatLikesStars: no matter how bummed out
NoahDekkers: is this really the shit you want to talk about?
KatLikesStars: i won't ever miss work again
KatLikesStars: work is money
KatLikesStars: and i need money
KatLikesStars: i still have laura's blanket
KatLikesStars: did you ever go back and return that air mattress?
KatLikesStars: and oh yeah. you stole my vanilla soap you fucker
NoahDekkers: nope
NoahDekkers: smells good
KatLikesStars: i hate you
KatLikesStars: that
KatLikesStars: was like
KatLikesStars: the biggest lie ive ever told
KatLikesStars: "i hate you"
KatLikesStars: oh my fucking god
NoahDekkers: i doubt that
KatLikesStars: i can't believe you're actually talking to me
KatLikesStars: i've missed you so fucking much noah
KatLikesStars: do you have any idea what i'm going through?
KatLikesStars: i can't stop crying!!!
KatLikesStars: i'm like in shock
NoahDekkers: i see
KatLikesStars: did i tell you i went to the gym today?
KatLikesStars: it felt so good
NoahDekkers: yea
KatLikesStars: i almost passed out though
KatLikesStars: not used to the excersize
KatLikesStars: i almost felt alive again
KatLikesStars: some people broke my cat ears
KatLikesStars: i feel so naked
KatLikesStars: they wouldn't let me wear them at work anyway
KatLikesStars: my room is a huge mess
KatLikesStars: i think about you all the time
KatLikesStars: and i can't stop crying because i don't know what the fuck to feel right now
KatLikesStars: do you like my new sn?
KatLikesStars: did you know my previous one?
KatLikesStars: my previous screen name before this one?
KatLikesStars: hm?
NoahDekkers: no what was it?
KatLikesStars: OMFG Noah sucks
NoahDekkers: lol
KatLikesStars: i just got this one two days ago
KatLikesStars: cuz i wanted one with no drama attached to it. with no YOU attached to it. no hurt.
KatLikesStars: and now you decide to unblock the world
KatLikesStars: i still have your picture. the one that was on my bulletin board outside my dorm. it's framed and on my wall now
KatLikesStars: still says "I love this boy!"
KatLikesStars: oh
KatLikesStars: and got some pictures from camping that one time
KatLikesStars: you got a picture of my ass
KatLikesStars: when i was warming it at the fire
NoahDekkers: lol
NoahDekkers: cute
KatLikesStars: and i got a picture of yours but it's witht he boxers
NoahDekkers: good times
KatLikesStars: yeah
KatLikesStars: i've given up on trying to kill myself
KatLikesStars: it's just not gonna happen
KatLikesStars: i keep getting rescued
KatLikesStars: so i've just given up
KatLikesStars: why now Noah?
KatLikesStars: why did you unblock me/
KatLikesStars: er the world
NoahDekkers: i took amphetamine and felt on top of the world, that whole love for everyone feeling
NoahDekkers: had one left
KatLikesStars: oh
KatLikesStars: so you unblocked me
NoahDekkers: no special reason
KatLikesStars: you never call
KatLikesStars: you have my cell number right?
NoahDekkers: lol
KatLikesStars: you just disappeared
KatLikesStars: it's like you fucking died
KatLikesStars: that's how i reacted to it
NoahDekkers: how are you parents?
KatLikesStars: i had to go to a whole new psychiatrist
KatLikesStars: who specialized in people in mourning
NoahDekkers: no joke?
KatLikesStars: like someone close to them died
KatLikesStars: YES!
NoahDekkers: too funny
KatLikesStars: you just fucking disappeared
KatLikesStars: and now i'm freaking out
KatLikesStars: cuz you're back from the dead
KatLikesStars: fucker
NoahDekkers: boo
KatLikesStars: why do you always have to fuck with my emotions
KatLikesStars: i'm learning how to play game cube
NoahDekkers: stop the bs
KatLikesStars: mario
NoahDekkers: its so ignorant
NoahDekkers: and insulting
KatLikesStars: the ghosts in there are called Boos
KatLikesStars: it was a joke
NoahDekkers: no jokes like that anymore
KatLikesStars: can i have the password to your diary?
KatLikesStars: {worth a try}
NoahDekkers: no if you take into consideration that it insults me
KatLikesStars: i'd also love to ask you a million other things
NoahDekkers: not*
KatLikesStars: but i'm not
KatLikesStars: okay?
NoahDekkers: here you go
KatLikesStars: *looks around*
KatLikesStars: going where?
NoahDekkers: like a mole trying to dig anyway in. but its concrete hun
NoahDekkers: =)
KatLikesStars: don't fucking call me hun
KatLikesStars: please don't
NoahDekkers: you cuss again im gone
KatLikesStars: why
KatLikesStars: you cuss
NoahDekkers: its vulgar and i dont like it
NoahDekkers: you use it for effect
KatLikesStars: you do it
NoahDekkers: trying to affect me
KatLikesStars: i use it cuz i can and it's there and i'm an angry person now
NoahDekkers: its just bs and im sick of it
KatLikesStars: and that's how i talk
KatLikesStars: i'm not using it to affect you in particular
KatLikesStars: it's just how i talk now
KatLikesStars: {i'm trying to be careful though there should have been a few curse words in there}
NoahDekkers: you can refrain for a little longer
KatLikesStars: i went out on a date
KatLikesStars: with this one guy
KatLikesStars: dinner
KatLikesStars: he's like 33
KatLikesStars: um
KatLikesStars: he called me hunny bunny
KatLikesStars: and i walked out
KatLikesStars: i'm a bitch now. it sucks
KatLikesStars: {is that cursing?}
NoahDekkers: nope
NoahDekkers: hunny bunny huh?
NoahDekkers: what nerve
KatLikesStars: correction. i started CRYING and wakled out
KatLikesStars: i told him. only one person can call me that
KatLikesStars: and he called me that anyway
KatLikesStars: so i left
KatLikesStars: i dont take shit from ppl anymore, Noah
NoahDekkers: thats not nice
KatLikesStars: i'm a real bitch
NoahDekkers: is that good?
KatLikesStars: if i don't like it. i leave
KatLikesStars: i don't know
NoahDekkers: change shit to crap
KatLikesStars: i don't like the person i am now
KatLikesStars: i try
KatLikesStars: to be... me
KatLikesStars: but it's different
KatLikesStars: no heart, ya know? makes things difficult
KatLikesStars: but i still love kids
NoahDekkers: no bs
KatLikesStars: it took me a while
KatLikesStars: but i love kids again
KatLikesStars: and cats
KatLikesStars: that was easier
KatLikesStars: for a while, i even hated cats
NoahDekkers: how can you not like kids
KatLikesStars: i don't know
KatLikesStars: i fucking kicked a cat in the face
KatLikesStars: how could i do that?
KatLikesStars: sorry
KatLikesStars: for the f word
NoahDekkers: wow
KatLikesStars: slipped
KatLikesStars: yeah
NoahDekkers: dont let it
KatLikesStars: <--- heartless bitch
KatLikesStars: and i don't like it. i'm trying though
KatLikesStars: hey you know. everytime i look at the ocean, i fall in love with you again? no matter how over you i pretend to be... the ocean gets me
KatLikesStars: it's really weird
KatLikesStars: i do things like i forgot where i got laura's blanket
KatLikesStars: and i thought my parents gave me my bath towel
KatLikesStars: though it was yours
KatLikesStars: and i had that cute little screen name OMFG Noah sucks
KatLikesStars: everyone was like, yea! go kat! he sucks! you know it! he doesn't deserve your love.
KatLikesStars: i'd cuss you out
KatLikesStars: throw things
KatLikesStars: i've taken to throwing things
KatLikesStars: like my mother
KatLikesStars: ew
KatLikesStars: when i get angry i throw things
KatLikesStars: i get angry now
KatLikesStars: very
NoahDekkers: its funny how you're angry
KatLikesStars: i'm almost always angry or frustrated or hateful
KatLikesStars: one or all
KatLikesStars: i hate things a lot
KatLikesStars: ther eare a lot of ppl i hate
NoahDekkers: do i dare ask if you've let your therapist in yet?
KatLikesStars: a lot of customers that i have to work with that i hate
NoahDekkers: (to help_
NoahDekkers: )
KatLikesStars: i'm no longer talking to one
KatLikesStars: and the anger feels good
NoahDekkers: oh
NoahDekkers: yea
KatLikesStars: it covers the hurt sometimes
NoahDekkers: you should listen to metallica
KatLikesStars: i do
KatLikesStars: i love metallica
KatLikesStars: my boyfriend lvoes metallica
KatLikesStars: ex
KatLikesStars: it's all he ever listens to
KatLikesStars: i sing along
NoahDekkers: I'm not too fond of them
KatLikesStars: and he doens't tell me to shut up
NoahDekkers: but not bad
KatLikesStars: cuz he thinks its funny
KatLikesStars: have you heard the new Radiohead?
NoahDekkers: yea
KatLikesStars: i think i quoted them somewhere in my diary
KatLikesStars: i don't remember
KatLikesStars: but i like that song
KatLikesStars: what's in your CD player right now?
NoahDekkers: what do you think
KatLikesStars: how is your research going? still working for that guy?
KatLikesStars: i think radiohead. that's why i didn't really wait for an answer
KatLikesStars: did you make any headway in the research?
KatLikesStars: the dyes
NoahDekkers: NoahDekkers: you can skip over that stuff
KatLikesStars: why
KatLikesStars: i'm just curious
KatLikesStars: believe it or not i was actually interested in that
NoahDekkers: cool
KatLikesStars: dick
KatLikesStars: =P
KatLikesStars: *hiss*
KatLikesStars: oh
KatLikesStars: i model now
KatLikesStars: amateur modeling
KatLikesStars: and i cut my hair again
KatLikesStars: my sister got gum in it when she came up here
KatLikesStars: so i chopped it
NoahDekkers: how'd she do that
KatLikesStars: spit it out accidently while in a car with an open window
KatLikesStars: ha
KatLikesStars: i had an ad on diaryland
NoahDekkers: funny
NoahDekkers: for what?
KatLikesStars: http://sparklz24.diaryland.com/images/fbocnk.gif
KatLikesStars: nah
KatLikesStars: desperate
KatLikesStars: iono
KatLikesStars: a lot of ppl thought it was not funny
KatLikesStars: and i got yelled at
NoahDekkers: explain
KatLikesStars: i got a gold membership shortly after you broke up with me
KatLikesStars: and made that ad
KatLikesStars: well go look at it
KatLikesStars: i sent you the link
NoahDekkers: nah
KatLikesStars: http://sparklz24.diaryland.com/images/haircut1.jpg
KatLikesStars: that's my new haircut
KatLikesStars: http://sparklz24.diaryland.com/images/kat15.jpg
KatLikesStars: modeling
KatLikesStars: http://sparklz24.diaryland.com/images/kat2.jpg
KatLikesStars: all these are modeling
KatLikesStars: http://sparklz24.diaryland.com/images/kat21.jpg
KatLikesStars: i like that one ^
KatLikesStars: http://sparklz24.diaryland.com/images/kat3.jpg
KatLikesStars: http://sparklz24.diaryland.com/images/kat32.jpg
KatLikesStars: http://sparklz24.diaryland.com/images/kat36.jpg
KatLikesStars: http://sparklz24.diaryland.com/images/kat40.jpg
KatLikesStars: i've got a ton more
KatLikesStars: juss too lazy to upload them all
KatLikesStars: what do you think?
KatLikesStars: kat the model. :-)
KatLikesStars: haircut http://sparklz24.diaryland.com/images/haircut2.jpg
NoahDekkers: cool
KatLikesStars: what do you think?
KatLikesStars: okay?
KatLikesStars: not?
KatLikesStars: i do my own make-up
NoahDekkers: right on
KatLikesStars: so? tell me what you think of my pictures!!!
KatLikesStars: you opinion matters
KatLikesStars: cuz i know you won't lie
KatLikesStars: =]
KatLikesStars: should kat pursue a career in modeling?
KatLikesStars: should i change anything?
NoahDekkers: do what you want
KatLikesStars: hey you know when i told you i'd love you forever. i meant it.
KatLikesStars: i dont think that counts as bs
KatLikesStars: i was just thinking that
KatLikesStars: i should hate you
KatLikesStars: all the pain you put me through
KatLikesStars: but i don't
KatLikesStars: i'd love to be your friend
NoahDekkers: no that doesn't, but this does
NoahDekkers: then be it
NoahDekkers: cut the bs
KatLikesStars: and spend time with you so i can just be with you
KatLikesStars: huh?
KatLikesStars: what bs
KatLikesStars: i think a whole lotta bs i guess
NoahDekkers: time together?
KatLikesStars: wah?
KatLikesStars: i'd like to hang out with you again
KatLikesStars: you know?
KatLikesStars: i've come to terms with the rejection finally
NoahDekkers: sure ok. when you're married with children
KatLikesStars: lol
KatLikesStars: what?
KatLikesStars: i'm not getting married
NoahDekkers: ok
KatLikesStars: noah
KatLikesStars: you know that i didn't want to marry anyone til i met you
KatLikesStars: i'll have children though
NoahDekkers: it has to be mutual, at least in this country
KatLikesStars: i know you'll never come back to me
KatLikesStars: don't rub it in
KatLikesStars: it hurts okay?
NoahDekkers: just being honest
KatLikesStars: salt
KatLikesStars: i am too
KatLikesStars: i know youre not coming back but that doesn't stop me from being in love with you. cuz i'd be lying to myself if i said i was over you
KatLikesStars: you are still... my heart
KatLikesStars: now that was just
KatLikesStars: stupid
KatLikesStars: to tell you
KatLikesStars: cuz now you're prolly never gonna see me again
KatLikesStars: hey did you finally get to shave yer head?
KatLikesStars: :-)
NoahDekkers: probably. but Kat, I don't care if you think you love me or not.
NoahDekkers: yes
KatLikesStars: i know i love you, stupid.
KatLikesStars: i know you're not coming back to me
KatLikesStars: i'm not good enough for you
KatLikesStars: that's understandable
KatLikesStars: i know this
NoahDekkers: coming back to you? i meant just SEEING you
KatLikesStars: i have problems
KatLikesStars: you dont' want anything to do with them
KatLikesStars: it's okay
KatLikesStars: i have other people who love me and believe in me
NoahDekkers: you have problems that you don't seem to be working on
KatLikesStars: it's not the same as haviing my heart
KatLikesStars: hey
KatLikesStars: i've given up on suicide
KatLikesStars: that's a huge ass step for me
KatLikesStars: lol
NoahDekkers: no that
NoahDekkers: im glad and proud
KatLikesStars: i've been trying to kill myself since forever
KatLikesStars: hey
KatLikesStars: i cry when i hear someone say "armadillo"
KatLikesStars: and i didn't know why
KatLikesStars: cuz i'd done the sleeping away pain thing
KatLikesStars: and i'd forgotten some things
KatLikesStars: i dont let myself forget anymore though
KatLikesStars: i make myself remember
KatLikesStars: stuff
NoahDekkers: ok
KatLikesStars: you
KatLikesStars: pain
KatLikesStars: i don't know
KatLikesStars: i'm weird
KatLikesStars: did you know that we have a duck pond here in santa cruz?
KatLikesStars: it's across from downtown
NoahDekkers: thats nice
KatLikesStars: there were little baby ducklings in the spring
KatLikesStars: they were really cute
NoahDekkers: you go there alot?
KatLikesStars: not really
KatLikesStars: ducks are too easy
KatLikesStars: i go downtown and chase the pigeons
KatLikesStars: and those little black birds
KatLikesStars: those ones drive me crazy
KatLikesStars: but i like feeding the ducks
KatLikesStars: and whenever anyone comes up from LA to visit me, i always take them there
KatLikesStars: to feed the ducks
KatLikesStars: it's somethign that's ive never done with you.
KatLikesStars: there are not a lot of thigns that i haven't done with you
KatLikesStars: the taqueria
KatLikesStars: i couldn't go in
KatLikesStars: my friends wanted to eat there
KatLikesStars: i've been to every other taqueria in santa cruz now though
KatLikesStars: not as yummy
KatLikesStars: well...
KatLikesStars: hey
KatLikesStars: i like Thai food
NoahDekkers: yea me too
KatLikesStars: that thai restaurant on mission is AMAZING
KatLikesStars: sabieng
KatLikesStars: it's SO good
KatLikesStars: why did you fall out of love with me?
KatLikesStars: is that a no no question?
NoahDekkers: because you mind fucked me
KatLikesStars: oh
NoahDekkers: yea
KatLikesStars: okay
NoahDekkers: but i kinda wanted to answer it =))
KatLikesStars: could you elaborate?
KatLikesStars: how did i mind fuck me
KatLikesStars: excuse the cursing
KatLikesStars: how i did i mind fuck YOU
KatLikesStars: gah
KatLikesStars: i'm tired
KatLikesStars: another sleepless night
KatLikesStars: compliments of Noah Dekkers
KatLikesStars: you do that well
KatLikesStars: lol
KatLikesStars: sheesh
KatLikesStars: i think too much
KatLikesStars: so many things in my head
KatLikesStars: how did i mind fuck you
KatLikesStars: you ripped my heart out and left me to die. i think we're even. we should call a truce and be friends and fall in love again. =P
NoahDekkers: yea happily ever after
KatLikesStars: how did i mind fuck you
KatLikesStars: no such thing
KatLikesStars: as happily ever after
KatLikesStars: there never is
KatLikesStars: life's a bitch and then you die
NoahDekkers: you make many assumptions
KatLikesStars: lol
KatLikesStars: no i don't
NoahDekkers: actually "life sucks and then you die"
KatLikesStars: yeah
KatLikesStars: that, too
NoahDekkers: but it really doesn't. well, if you choose it not to be
KatLikesStars: life is a female dog to me, right now though
KatLikesStars: you did
KatLikesStars: how did i mind fuck you
KatLikesStars: i'd like to perfect it
KatLikesStars: so i can do it on purpose next time
NoahDekkers: i guess that's supposed to be your wit
KatLikesStars: that way i'll never end up with boyfriends that treat me well anymore
NoahDekkers: guilt trip after guilt trip
KatLikesStars: just dicks who treat me like crap
KatLikesStars: no
KatLikesStars: just speaking what i'm thinking
NoahDekkers: ironic how there isn't even anything to feel guilty about
KatLikesStars: i'm hurting a lot
KatLikesStars: yeah
KatLikesStars: nothing
KatLikesStars: for you to feel guilty about
KatLikesStars: how did i mind fuck you
KatLikesStars: "good bye to you. good bye to you. for wasting all my love"
KatLikesStars: the used
KatLikesStars: CD in my player right now
NoahDekkers: so ok, i just realized the benefits dont outweigh the negatives for talking to you anymore
KatLikesStars: there are benefits?
NoahDekkers: there was
KatLikesStars: what were those?
NoahDekkers: they all where hope-based
NoahDekkers: were*
KatLikesStars: yeah
KatLikesStars: like what?
NoahDekkers: like you being able to keep up the "no-bs"
NoahDekkers: not prove everyone in my family right
NoahDekkers: and professionals
KatLikesStars: that i've gotten over you? gotten over depression? gotten rid of heart murmer
KatLikesStars: your family hates me
KatLikesStars: they dont know me
KatLikesStars: heh
NoahDekkers: =)
KatLikesStars: my family still loves you
KatLikesStars: cept jen
KatLikesStars: she hates you cuz she thought you'd be different
KatLikesStars: you were
KatLikesStars: you showed me a lot of things inside myeslf
NoahDekkers: ditto
KatLikesStars: yeah cept im still in love with you and you want me to disappear
NoahDekkers: it was the most intense accelerated, kinda forced, learning experience i've ever had and I don't regret it
NoahDekkers: no i want you to get on track
NoahDekkers: i want that of everyone
KatLikesStars: i wish i had killed myself before i met you.
KatLikesStars: forced
KatLikesStars: well i'm glad i was a good lesson in your life
KatLikesStars: i like to impact people
KatLikesStars: and make a lasting impression
NoahDekkers: yea i didn't really have an opinion looking up at you on your window sill. had to bite any of my own issues in the bud
KatLikesStars: where did all of your love for me go?
KatLikesStars: it couldn't have just disappeared
NoahDekkers: into anger
KatLikesStars: i'm so fucking pathetic
KatLikesStars: i think about you all the time
KatLikesStars: at work i space out and wonder how you are
NoahDekkers: I'm gonna hit it
KatLikesStars: i want to get better and be good enough for you so that i can be in love again. the mutual kind
NoahDekkers: lol
KatLikesStars: but i know that you won't ever take me back
KatLikesStars: and that i prolly won't ever see you again
KatLikesStars: and if so, only briefly before you run away
NoahDekkers: lol
KatLikesStars: cuz anyone can outrun me
NoahDekkers: no, call the police
KatLikesStars: fuck you
KatLikesStars: i'm not a fucking criminal
NoahDekkers: thats the statement of the year
KatLikesStars: it doesn't matter how much you hurt me. even if i fall in love again. i will still be in love with you
KatLikesStars: but anyway
KatLikesStars: like i was saying
KatLikesStars: i'd like to get help but i no longer have the motivation
KatLikesStars: it won't bring my heart back
NoahDekkers: well its got to come from you
KatLikesStars: gah. did i tell you i stepped on a snail!?!
KatLikesStars: i was appalled
KatLikesStars: but then
KatLikesStars: satisfied
KatLikesStars: cruch
KatLikesStars: crunch
KatLikesStars: killing something
NoahDekkers: its kinda scary how you snap from one personality to the next. mean to nice
KatLikesStars: that didn't ahve a chance to fight back
KatLikesStars: nah
NoahDekkers: or vice versa
KatLikesStars: just talking what's in my head
KatLikesStars: i can no longer believe that me and you will be together again someday
KatLikesStars: so
KatLikesStars: why try?
KatLikesStars: comes from me
KatLikesStars: i'm fine
KatLikesStars: i'm doing great
KatLikesStars: people love me
KatLikesStars: i make friends left and right
KatLikesStars: guys hit on me all the time
KatLikesStars: my roomate is like a big brother that i never had
KatLikesStars: i've got my guy friends
KatLikesStars: lots of foreign friends now
KatLikesStars: wow the cultuer
KatLikesStars: and the accents
KatLikesStars: i love it
KatLikesStars: the style
KatLikesStars: the lifestyle
KatLikesStars: beautiful people
KatLikesStars: ireland russia germany bulgaria scotland england
KatLikesStars: if you ask ANYONE hey how's kat
KatLikesStars: they'll tell you, yeah she's great
KatLikesStars: always has that smile on her face
KatLikesStars: always so perky and cheerful
NoahDekkers: now for the punchline
KatLikesStars: firendly
KatLikesStars: it was in the beginning
KatLikesStars: i'm fine
KatLikesStars: whever i am right now
KatLikesStars: what ever
KatLikesStars: it came from me
NoahDekkers: i feel wierd, but i do feel better
KatLikesStars: cuz there was no one else
KatLikesStars: it all came from me
KatLikesStars: i don't step on snails anymore
KatLikesStars: i don't kick animals
KatLikesStars: i recycle
NoahDekkers: cats?
KatLikesStars: i was even sorta sad when my tadpoles died
KatLikesStars: i'm okay
KatLikesStars: i'm fine
KatLikesStars: what was the punchline? tell me
KatLikesStars: cuz ididn't think that was funny
KatLikesStars: i was trying to reassure you that i'm okay
KatLikesStars: anyway
KatLikesStars: it all came from me
KatLikesStars: because
KatLikesStars: though i didn't seek psychiatric help
KatLikesStars: i wanted me to be okay enough for me
KatLikesStars: and i'm on my way
KatLikesStars: and no one is really helping me
KatLikesStars: they think they are
KatLikesStars: and they are here
KatLikesStars: but when it comes down to it, it's just me
KatLikesStars: just kat
KatLikesStars: comes from me goes to me
KatLikesStars: that's a good punchline
KatLikesStars: you were early
KatLikesStars: i like that
KatLikesStars: "comes from me, goes to me"
KatLikesStars: that's a good punchline
NoahDekkers: i agree
KatLikesStars: buh dum dum cha
KatLikesStars: oh
KatLikesStars: and i'm trying not to snap at people
KatLikesStars: but my blunt honesty hurts people
KatLikesStars: i used to so anal about not hurting people's feelings
KatLikesStars: now i just tell it like i think it
KatLikesStars: and sometimes that's okay
KatLikesStars: and sometimes it makes people sad
KatLikesStars: or angry
KatLikesStars: or upset
NoahDekkers: i think you can get the same information across without an excess or pain
KatLikesStars: or it kills their self esteem
NoahDekkers: of*
KatLikesStars: wah?
KatLikesStars: nah
KatLikesStars: i just say what i think now
NoahDekkers: there's a nice and mean way to say the same thing
KatLikesStars: yeah
KatLikesStars: i used to say i need to go
KatLikesStars: now i say fuck off
KatLikesStars: sorry for cursing
KatLikesStars: but that's what i say
NoahDekkers: both different from refraining from hurting people's feelings
KatLikesStars: i actually say that a whole lot
KatLikesStars: yeah see
KatLikesStars: i dont' care about people's feelings anymore
KatLikesStars: that's somethign that i gotta work on
KatLikesStars: there are a few choice people
KatLikesStars: andy my housemate
KatLikesStars: matt my little ex boyfriend
KatLikesStars: my parents
KatLikesStars: and...
KatLikesStars: lemme think...
KatLikesStars: some of my better friends
KatLikesStars: but they have to be really good friends
KatLikesStars: oh
KatLikesStars: i made a lot of friends at the boardwalk
KatLikesStars: my co-workers
KatLikesStars: FEMALES, too
KatLikesStars: lol
KatLikesStars: whoa
NoahDekkers: whoa
KatLikesStars: they're so cute
KatLikesStars: little high schoolers
KatLikesStars: oh
KatLikesStars: and this girl from russia
KatLikesStars: i love her
KatLikesStars: she's like my best friend
KatLikesStars: she's 19
KatLikesStars: she came over with work and travel
KatLikesStars: it's a program that the boardwalk is involved in
KatLikesStars: where foreign kids come work for the summer then go home
NoahDekkers: i'd defect
KatLikesStars: her name is liubov and she is so beautiful
KatLikesStars: defect?
KatLikesStars: wah?
KatLikesStars: so i guess i care about her feelings, too
KatLikesStars: luibov
KatLikesStars: and erica
KatLikesStars: the girl who gives me my breaks sometimes at work
KatLikesStars: i care about her feelings
KatLikesStars: but that's abou tit
KatLikesStars: i don't care about your feeligns even cuz you don't seemt o care about mine.
KatLikesStars: or maybe you do
KatLikesStars: and juss have a funny way of showing it?
KatLikesStars: lol
KatLikesStars: and i realized something
KatLikesStars: i can't eat cookies and cream ice cream
KatLikesStars: there's gelatin in the oreo
KatLikesStars: i hafta give up my favorite ice cream
NoahDekkers: bummer
KatLikesStars: :-(
KatLikesStars: and lucky charms
KatLikesStars: my second favorite cereal
KatLikesStars: the marshmallows
KatLikesStars: really sucks
KatLikesStars: oh
KatLikesStars: and i cook a whole lot now
KatLikesStars: pasta and stuff
KatLikesStars: i bought a bunch of tofu
KatLikesStars: =]
KatLikesStars: on my slimfast plan again
KatLikesStars: shake on the way to work
NoahDekkers: lol
KatLikesStars: slim fast bar for lunch
KatLikesStars: dinner
KatLikesStars: and i'm gonna buy a membership for the gym
KatLikesStars: just warning you
KatLikesStars: in case you ever go to the gym
KatLikesStars: or play raquetball
KatLikesStars: or swim
KatLikesStars: etc
KatLikesStars: you know?
KatLikesStars: that's gonna be a daily trompin ground for me
KatLikesStars: i'm gonna get healthy
KatLikesStars: and i'm gonna love my body again
KatLikesStars: and i'm gonna live longer than 50 years
KatLikesStars: god dammit
KatLikesStars: lol
KatLikesStars: what did you write in your diary?
KatLikesStars: are you still there?
NoahDekkers: kinda
KatLikesStars: i think that you are talking to me now. to satisfy your own curiousity
KatLikesStars: and then you are going to block me again
KatLikesStars: and disappear for X amount of time
NoahDekkers: i'm definitely doing it for me
KatLikesStars: and then when you get curious again, you'll IM me again
KatLikesStars: well i'm alive
KatLikesStars: you only killed me inside. =P
KatLikesStars: no longer suicidal
KatLikesStars: sorta come to terms with my fate
NoahDekkers: i wish you would have sparked my interest more with less bs
KatLikesStars: lol
KatLikesStars: sorry
KatLikesStars: i just write what i'm thinking
KatLikesStars: i don't realy know what you classify as bs
KatLikesStars: =]
NoahDekkers: the last 10 lines
KatLikesStars: well i think it's a valid hypothesis
KatLikesStars: you disappeared
KatLikesStars: and now you are here
KatLikesStars: you don't want to see me
KatLikesStars: so you're bound to disappear again
KatLikesStars: cuz you might slip?
KatLikesStars: and tell me where you are
KatLikesStars: and then i'll stalk u
NoahDekkers: lol
KatLikesStars: *evil laff*
NoahDekkers: lol
NoahDekkers: nah, i know you wouldn't do that
KatLikesStars: *rubs hands together deviously*
continued
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again...
July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol
July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards*
July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo
July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean....