Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry icky July 24, 2003 ~ 2:38 PM yesterday was a good day. i tried to kill myself at the gym. i wish noah would stop updating his diary and taunting me. i posted my conversation with him on here out of spite. don't think that i actually wanted any of you to know what went on. it was a direct hit at noah dekkers. he doesn't like me doing that. well now all of you guys think he's mean. well he can be. but everyone can. he's an awesome person. though easily influenced by his sister. i still need to write those letters. the gym was a rush yesterday. i burned hella calories. and you know what? i'm still alive. i didn't pass out. at a few points i wanted to. and when i got back home i definitely wanted to. but i wouldn't let myself. go me. me and andy went and had italian for dinner. it was delicious. expensive but oh so good. ristorante italiano. yum stuff, dude. five stars. good food good service good environment. bowling was fun. i broke 100!!! woo. and my first game i beat matt. i got to see liubov. she's such a great girl. she wears the ring that i gave her everyday. neno. no comment on that one. and andy. totally had a change of heart about my little boy. andy thinks that matt is a great person. and that he's well worth the 7 month wait. he told me to forget about neno and emmett and isaac and whoever and just concentrate on being with matt. good advice. i still need to call emmett. poor guy. can't be helped, though. emmett is too flaky. i don't even feel like he's my boyfriend. he disappears for days at a time. and resurfaces once in a while. not a relationship. matt spent the night last night. he asked his parents if he could stay over at andy's. well. it's not a lie. this is andy's. and mine. and linda's. but still. andy's. =D i don't feel so good lying to his parents. and it makes me feel a little better that it's not a complete lie. more of a with-holding of the complete truth. i hate lying. lying sucks. i surprisingly don't feel so very deceptive and dirty. only because... i don't know. it's too fuckign close to the truth. to really be a lie? i hope andy doesn't feel too horrible about it. he doesn't like to lie either. i appreciate his going along with the scheme... made me so very happy. and i'm gonna go shower right now. then hit the career center. then go to work. knock down until closing. sheit. Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry ~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~ �MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES� August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again... July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards* July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean.... .