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Abel, Abel, Abel... ::sigh::
December 23, 2002 ~ 10:30 PM
Noah did end up calling me last night. Yay him. I miss him. He got himself sick again. He was just sitting in front of the fireplace reading all yesterday. He didn't even go out snowboarding. Poor baby. He looks like he's online right now but he's not responding. =( Meh. Abel called me last night too. He made it sound like I'm not ever gonna see him again. So I had to tell him over the phone that I have a boyfriend. He was putting up a front. It sounded like he didn't care and stuff. He snapped at me a lot in the ensuing conversation. So I knew he was hurt. It made me sad that I hurt him. I still love him. But not the same way that I used to love him. I love him like I love Peter and Charlie now. He hurt me when he snapped at me but I guess I deserved that. So yeah, I saw Abel today. He called me this afternoon at 2. Told me he was at home, insinuating that I should go over. I did.
I'm talking to Noah on the phone right now... I don't really feel like talking about Abel anymore. Noah's upset again. He read my diary and yeah. Grr... NoahDekkers: im not writing tonight. too bashed with your thoughts NoahDekkers: i have that shakey, cold shivery, scared-withdrawling jealous feeling right now. And I just don't understand. I don't get it. There is so much conflict in our relationshiop, so many problems. I don't understand why most of them are there. I'm not gonna go hang out with my friends anymore. I'm not gonna go see Joe and I won't see Charlie again. Noah just told me that he's gonna shave his head. And not his beard. Cuz he doesn't feel like himself. Iono. He's gonna do it anyway. Even if it does make me sad; he knows it will. I love his hair. It makes me happy just looking at him cuz I love his hair. Just sitting here knowing that he has pretty hair that I can pet soon, that makes me happy. Makes me smile. And he's gonna shave his head. Sometimes I wonder if he even cares about my opinion and what I like and what I want. He seems to like asking what I think about stuff... and he makes my happiness seem so important to him, but he goes and does something like not shave his facial hair and shave his head. The little things, sure. Very insignificant things sure but still... All I ask is that nevermind. I don't wanna write anymore.
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�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again...
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July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo
July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean....