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That makes two of us, Noah.
January 10, 2003 ~ 2:01 PM
I slept throught my Chem class this morning. I was so pissed at myself. It's really weird how my parents, my sister, and I are the only people in the world that can make me angry. Like, angry enough to cuss at myself even. This is excluding that the world in general and where it is going and who is making it go there makes me extremely angry at times. (Durn Dubya Bush) This morning was so so weird. Alarm rang at 8 I believe. I turned it off. Noah didn't leave for class though. {By the way, I'm no longer in 1M since I could not get into any labs [@%&@!#] so I didn't need to wake up at like 7 this morning.} We actually slept some more. Then it was like 10 something. I was like crap I gotta go to class. Noah left at this time... I dunno to where. I think he had Organic Chem or somesuch. Wait, I think that's the class he was supposed to go to in the morning... Meh. Well anywho. He left. This is weird, I'm gonna tell you what happens next: I lay down fer a little more. At about 10:40 I get myself out of bed and find clothes. I wear my "Models suck" shirt, some jeans, and I throw on Noah's ARA sweater. I get my notebook out of my backpack and put it into my purse. I grab my keys and then leave. I'm halfway to the bathroom when I realize I'd forgotten my glasses. I go to the bathroom, then come back to my room to grab my glasses. I couldn't find them. I'm looking for them and then you know what? I wake up. I'm in bed and it's about 11:50 something. Now that was weird. That's about the time that I started cussing at myself in my head and even a little aloud I must admit. I was so pissed at myself. You have no idea. Really really disappointed in myself. You know how I used to sorta punish myself when I did something I wasn't happy with? Like a consolation prize for myself for being bad? {Like when I grounded myself for like a week or when I told myself no music for one or two weeks or didn't let myself read any books for a month} Well I told myself that I would stay home tonight (friday) and tomorrow and dedicate all of my time to 1- Cleaning up my room once and for all 2- Doing all my Chem homework for next week 3- Doing all of my Calc homework and maybe even the assignment for the week after next. Mhmm. Yeah. Well this time I get ready for real. I do about all the same things. But I'm preparing for Calc this time and not Chem. Well yeah, I went to the bathroom and stupid me, I did end up forgetting my classes so I had to go back to my room. It takes me a while to find my glasses, {under some papers on my desk... I NEED TO CLEAN!!!} and when I opened the door to leave, Noah was standing there. Whoa. Now that was a trip. I told him I didn't go to Chem class {I was ashamed, believe it or not. Not only did I disappoint myself, I know that Noah expects more of me too... he really wants me to succeed.} and he got all quiet. He told me "You disappoint me." Like he said it in general, like that's what I do for a living or something. *ouch* but I knew I deserved it. I asked him for a hug and I tried to send all my love to him and let him know that I understand his disappointment and I'm so glad that he cares... He may or may not have caught it. But it was a comforting hug anyway. I went to Math class determined to stay awake and that I did. Yay me. I absorbed and was alert and did not at any time start to doze off. That took more energy than you think cuz I sorta spooked myself this morning {It disturbs me that I have issues when it comes to differentiating between dream and reality. Even when my dreams are ridiculous like a dream of Noah leaving and not coming back like what happened in a dream I had yesterday on Noah's bed no less... Creepy weepy.} and that sapped my energy. Yeah.. I did good. And I understood most of it anyway cuz I've taken this class before. I can compare my notes this quarter with those taken last quarter. There are some aspects which Lim explains much better than my last teacher but also vice versa. It's lovely being able to fill in the blanks I had in my head about limits. I still think limits are a pain though. I saw Brianna again today. She's the girl that I befriended who's a third year and has pink streaks in her hair. I like her a lot. Even though she has pink streaks in her hair she is so not TB. It's really refreshing. I got her email today. Both of us wanted to get the homework for the week after next so that we can do it on the weekend and get ahead. There's another girl I met yesterday who's in my Chem class. Her name is Alana. She's real cool too. Very non-TB. Now that I think about it, most of my female friends are pretty superficial. I'm glad to have made some that aren't. I just need to learn how to KIT with people and stuff. Yeah... I'm gonna stick Brianna into my Yahoo! buddy list then start with the cleaning of my freaking room.
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�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again...
July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol
July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards*
July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo
July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean....