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To love or not to love. That's not the question.
January 29, 2003 ~ 3:12 PM
It's weird. Me. I'm weird. love is weird. So, so weird. To question why I love Noah when there is no question that I do. We all know I do. But why. Noah asked me that this morning. He was still doing the smothered thing I think. Reserved, pulling back. We had a little talk. Kinda funny. After he left, I did my homework. I was feeling down.. bruised and broken inside. Just Noah's pushing me away. I rarely ever dress my mood. I dunno why I did today. I wore black and blue. Bruised colors. That's not the funny thing. The funny thing is Noah dressed his mood today, too. I actually needed help on my homework, so I went to ACE to look for him and give him a Slimfast. {HE finished it in one gulp by the way... lol} He was wearing red. Like not a dull red either. Just RED. I made a comment about it and he sed "Yeah, I feel like I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve so I decided to wear this." And he usually doesn't dress his mood either. Lol. I know why I love him. Cuz he took the arm rests off of his chair so that I can sit on him more comfortably. Lol. Yup. That's why I love him. {Look deeper into that, silly.} Just the little things. Like his coming into my math class to gimme my glasses. {Even though I didn't know it was him until I came back and asked... cuz I wasn't looking up} How he tries to convince me {or himself} that his beard looks good with the nack part shaved {okay, maybe a teensy bit better... 
}. And the poem that he wrote for me... or us{4:20 PM Noah juss informed me that the poem wasn't written for me so scratch that. It's prolly for Jen. =P Which disturbs me then so definitely scratch that...} The way his eyes light up when I'm being doofy. His wild passion for orchata/horchata. That light that shines inside of him, his aura, that he doesn't/didn't even know is there. That look he gets when I shock him, with the wide eyes and the �-smile. I love him for every little thing that he does. I love him because he is more to my than anyone has ever been and he tries so hard to be even more. Jen has decided to abstract herself from our lives to live her own. I wish her the purest of joys. I understand her sentiments and respect her wishes... I only hope that Noah can understand that. Both me and him know what a wonderful person she is. He's mentioned his hoping one day that her kids and his kids will grow up together. He likes her that much. But he cannot ask friendship of her after what he's done to her. If, one day, she feels like she's ready, then maybe they will be friends again. But Noah knows that he can't force her to be his friend. He just has to work on getting over the fact that this is better for her, if not for him. I love him a lot. I hope he finds himself.
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�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again...
July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol
July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards*
July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo
July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean....