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My away message/profile earlier.
January 30, 2003 ~ 2:16 PM
I'm in class even though the last thing I want to do right now is to be near other people. I have a headache. I hate Noah{not really}. Dammit. And in turn, I hate myself. For loving him and letting him do to me what he does to me. Diary is malfunctioning so I'm ranting over here. Eesh. Noah came back up here all cute and wonderfully affectionate and loving. What the fuck. He needs to make up his mind. Stop giving me hope just to plunge me into the depths of despair. I hate being angry. I'm not angry at him. I'm angry at myself. For being such a weak ass. All I want to do is make love to him right now and here he is breaking my heart. He says that he's going to try though. I believe him. I just don't really understand what that means for him to try. I mean, isn't
he trying already? Maybe he's gonna try harder. If that's the case then I'm totally grateful. {Pussy, pushover, weakass, Kat} He doesn't understand that his pushing me away won't help anything, his hurting me should make him feel more like crap about himself{it bothers me that it doesn't only cuz.. well... shouldn't it?}. Unless it just doesn't matter to him. If it doesn't, it should. I should matter to him. I should be a priority. I'm tired of being something that can be pushed aside or put on a shelf for later. I'm emotionally attached. SO WHAT. I'm fucking in love with him what does he expect? "I love you, but I don't care what you do or if you wanna be with me or if you like my company or if you love loving me." Right. I wish my diary was working. I don't think he has any idea how much he hurts me. For him it's simply "Well, I don't feel like _______, so I'm not gonna". It never crosses his mind that "Hey I might be hurting Kat's feelings." Like how is that going to help the relationship, hurting my feelings? Fuck it. I'm late for ACE.
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�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again...
July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol
July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards*
July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo
July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean....