Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry PAIN PAIN PAIN January 30, 2003 ~ 3:43 PM And if I let him go... she wins. He doesn't win. No. She does. Jen does. Because it means she's still got this hold on him. She's totally over her him but he's willing to leave me, his girlfriend, to contemplate his past, his past relationship with her. He's forcing me to let him go because he can't let go of her. He wants so much for her to love him that he will just disregard all the love that I want to give him. I can't let him do this because I cannot let him jeopardize our relationship over someone who wants nothing to do with him anymore. You did what you did to her, now she never wants to see you again, why the fuck are you doing this to me then?!?! Why are you gonna put our relationship on the line so you can mull over your last one. You didn't show her you loved her enough. He knows this is true. He told me that she showed him so much love and he loved her but didn't show it. Ironic, don't you think? That he's gonna hurt me to figure out why he hurt Jen so he can change and not hurt me. How about just not hurt me in the first place. He doesn't know how he affects me. And he won't listen when I tell him. I need a hug. And kisses. And to be shown that I am loved. Who knows... maybe I'm not. Loved one day a week. Hurting the others. Who was I talking to that about? Fireality I think. And I thought that was a pessimistic view. Guess it's just realistic afterall. Plan: Food. Excedrin. Prozac. Apri. Aderol. Study. Pass midterms. Clean room. {Notice that Bother Noah. is not on the agenda.} Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry ~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~ �MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES� August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again... July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards* July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean.... .