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::groan::
February 04, 2003 ~ 8:09 PM
Well so after I reread my diary entry last night I decided that I was an idiot. And I sat on my bed crying then I called Noah and apologized. It took me four tries to get the call through I hate my damned phone... so complicated. You can't tell, but I can barely type. I can barely see and it hurts when I move. I dunno why. Me and Noah were up until 8A and he just went straight to class. I wonder how he's faring. Hopefully far better than I. I didn't hear any of my alarms this morning. I had three set a few minutes apart. I know my little one stops on it's own. So it's possible that I just didn't hear it. The one on the other end of the bed however, the electric one with two alarms, should still be ringing now cuz I did not turn if off. It's supposed to ring all day if I don't turn it off. So it must not have rung. I slept until Peter came a knockin' at 8P. Yeah. Like... now. I'm completely screwed now cuz I'll prolly get kicked out of ACE or something. I'm not even worried about that right now. For some weird reason.. I am unconcerned about just about anything. I don't even really wanna see Noah. And I didn't let Peter in. I peed into a bottle just so I wouldn't have to leave my room. I. Have. Problems. I hurt everywhere. My head hurts, my back, my neck, my fingers ever, my feet, my legs, my tummy, my chest. I think my head hurts the worst. My head aches to the point that I can barely see. And my eyes hurt. Maybe I'm dying. Ha. I should be so lucky. Don't worry, I'm not at all suicidal... I've always found death appealing. But me and Noah are progressing and I'm sure when I snap out of this I-don't-give-a-fuck phase I'll be very enthusiastic about living and growing and learning and just loving Noah. He did apologize last night. For not coming up immediately. Wonderful boy. I guess he didn't realize how hard it was for me to go down there and do that in the first place. Instead of cutting or jumping out my window or something... He apologized for all those little things that I didn't think he would apologize for. We have such communication problems. It sucks a lot... but we'll be fine. Cuz we love each other and stuff. Right? Both of us have learned from this experience. Both of us have grown and progressed. 4 steps forward I think.
You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn
You grieve you learn
You choke you learn
You laugh you learn
You choose you learn
You pray you learn
You ask you learn
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again...
July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol
July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards*
July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo
July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean....