Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry I feel... February 05, 2003 ~ 12:02 AM Inconsiderate son of a doctor. Noah left. Been gone for forever. I was worried sick about him. Even Steve was worried about him. On a motorcylce no less. Motorcylce accidents happen you know. and he knows I don't trust those things. He didn't have the good grace to call me to see how I was or even just to tell me where the hell he is. Didn't even call to tell me where he is. Here I thought he was mad at me or something. I have no idea what the hell was going on through his head but it obviously wasn't me. Noah is at Natural Bridges with Jen. I don't know how I feel about that. At least he's not mad at me. He's just been hanging out with his ex girlfriend since sunset. He's fine. Actually. He's really good. Something. And I don't know how I feel. Cuz.. all the doubt and fear came back when he told me "I'm at Natural Bridges with Jen". I think they watched the sunset together. I feel really... empty. And I feel like crying. And I don't know why. I feel nauseous. I feel lost. I suddenly feel really cold. And I feel... I don't know. He's not studying anyway. 7 hours not studying. And he's fine. He's fine. I wonder if I am. I told him I am. I might not be, though. This emptiness inside... it's weird. I guess he needed this alone time... alone time... with Jen... but I don't understand why studying suddenly wasn't important to him anymore. I suddenly do not feel like doing my Chemistry homework anymore. I should not have called Noah. I should not have worried. If only, if only, if only. Five hours with the ex-girlfriend when five minutes with the girlfriend was out of the question. I'm gonna take my Prozac now. {::takes Prozac::} I know one thing though. I'll never be a priority to Noah Dekkers. Studying is more important to me. Jen is more importand than studying. Jen is more important than me. Ping Pong is more important than me. The bottom line: Jen is more important than me. Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry ~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~ �MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES� August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again... July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards* July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean.... .