Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry followed my head June 06, 2002 ~ 11:48 PM I actually listened to my head. I was rational and I told him no. He was actually going to give me another chance. I have been waiting for that for so long. I finally got it. But he wasn't offering to give me another chance to be his girlfriend. Not really. He said he was giving me another chance to show him who I am. I said no. I don't want him to be feeling sorry for me and take me back just so I have to prove myself. I'm not that stupid. I'm so proud of myself for saying no and not giving in. So then why am I crying? Why do I want to sign back on and tell him yes yes yes? Damn. Numaphile: hi TiARa 024: hey honey TiARa 024: today was my last day of high school TiARa 024: yay Numaphile: cool TiARa 024: i'm so thrilled TiARa 024: i went to the mall and took pictures TiARa 024: want one? Numaphile: pictures of what TiARa 024: haha TiARa 024: of me TiARa 024: oh TiARa 024: got pictures taken TiARa 024: lol TiARa 024: that makes more sense, huh? Numaphile: ya TiARa 024: so u want one? Numaphile: ok TiARa 024: um Numaphile: im so fucking bored TiARa 024: im so fucking horny TiARa 024: damn TiARa 024: lol Numaphile: thats cool Numaphile: do you need the service? TiARa 024: hey, do you want this one or this one? TiARa 024: lol TiARa 024: i wish TiARa 024: ur too far away TiARa 024: and plus TiARa 024: the whole bout u using me for sex wasnt too cool either Numaphile: i never used you for sex TiARa 024: thats wut u told me last time Numaphile: i used you for emotional fulfillment to quickly fill a void TiARa 024: u sed that i didnt have a chance with u and our whole relationship was based on sex TiARa 024: if thats emotional fulfillment to u then thats still fucked up Numaphile: they always say that for girls sex is emotional and for guys its physical TiARa 024: sex isnt emotional TiARa 024: lol TiARa 024: hell no Numaphile: well for me it kinda is TiARa 024: oh TiARa 024: i guess TiARa 024: but u still basically told me straight out u used me for sex TiARa 024: i appreciate ur honesty Numaphile: the term is rebound TiARa 024: yes TiARa 024: i know TiARa 024: evey single guy i have been with was a rebound guy TiARa 024: ive gotten hurt a lot TiARa 024: ive never used anyone though TiARa 024: ive never broken up with anyone TiARa 024: they get tired of me TiARa 024: er something TiARa 024: im just not suited for relationships TiARa 024: no one is actually into the emotinal aspect of it anymore Numaphile: you will meet someone that makes you happy, and you just have to give it your best TiARa 024: i thot u made me happy TiARa 024: but thanks TiARa 024: guys lie Numaphile: but did you give it your best TiARa 024: apparently TiARa 024: yes TiARa 024: i did TiARa 024: i adored you TiARa 024: i was terrified of losing you the whole time TiARa 024: its okay. my best is never good enuff Numaphile: mabey you were so set on the idea that you would loose me that subconciencly you made it hapen TiARa 024: haha TiARa 024: no TiARa 024: u broke up with me cuz.. hey i dont even remember TiARa 024: but it was nothing on my part TiARa 024: oh yeah TiARa 024: telling my friends about u TiARa 024: i always talked about u thats cuz i like du so much TiARa 024: i never said anything really bad TiARa 024: they made their own opinions of ya TiARa 024: and i got to pay for it TiARa 024: its okay though. im good at becoming at peace with damned reality Numaphile: hey at least i still talk to you TiARa 024: i know TiARa 024: im very grateful for that TiARa 024: at least ur my friend, right? TiARa 024: lol Numaphile: yup TiARa 024: i still dream about u u know... Numaphile: and i even offer you benefits, none of which you take but.. u know i can try TiARa 024: you told me that there is no way ever that you can like me romantically. i can't have sex with you because i want both aspects of a realtionship the emotional and the sexual TiARa 024: granted i like to sexual more but i do need the emotional too Numaphile: i thought you said sex wasnt emotional for you TiARa 024: haha TiARa 024: no TiARa 024: its two different things TiARa 024: totally different TiARa 024: but i want both things in a reltionship Numaphile: so you have to be greedy and get both Auto response from TiARa 024: I'm writing in my diary. You can read my diary here. Numaphile: you know you are tempted to take my offer TiARa 024: i know i am too Numaphile: ;-) TiARa 024: only cuz ur so hot TiARa 024: but i wont take it cuz im no longer gonna settle for less than what i want TiARa 024: i never ever think of myself TiARa 024: my friends finally convinced me to do so Numaphile: but if you thought of yourself you would let yourself take the offer TiARa 024: no TiARa 024: i wouldnt ruin myself emotionally TiARa 024: i have many friends who would love to give me benefits Numaphile: i thought sex wasnt emotional for you TiARa 024: and they are much closer TiARa 024: but i wont TiARa 024: its not TiARa 024: its a different thing TiARa 024: i want a boyfriend Numaphile: well if you fuck your close friends, that could fuck you up emotionally TiARa 024: and i want both sex and emotion TiARa 024: lol TiARa 024: yeah i guess TiARa 024: all my 'close friends' juss wanna get into mypants Numaphile: ok how about i offer you a second chance to show me you are cool like me. TiARa 024: thats y they are my friends TiARa 024: lol TiARa 024: im not coo; TiARa 024: cool TiARa 024: im a loser Numaphile: all you wanted was a chance to show me who you are so show me TiARa 024: you wont give me a chance u told me TiARa 024: u "know" that i can never be what you want TiARa 024: i can pull up the convo if you'd like, and quote ya TiARa 024: i liked u a lot adam. more than i liked any of my guys except for richie and mike TiARa 024: and u basically used me for sex TiARa 024: i guess sex is emotional in some ways to me TiARa 024: i would never have sex with someone i didnt honestly like and respect Numaphile: ok whatever TiARa 024: why would u want to give me another chance anyway? Numaphile: because i never got a second chance ever, girls were done with me Numaphile: and i wouldnt want to be like that Numaphile: i have the same dream every night Numaphile: that suzzanna gives me a second chance Numaphile: but then i wake up and realize it was a dream TiARa 024: im so sorry, sweetie Numaphile: and that i would never get a second chance TiARa 024: im so so sorry Numaphile: and i dont even think i want it, but the dream continues, haunting me Numaphile: ive gone mad lately Numaphile: not myself Numaphile: i sleep all day and drink all night TiARa 024: but thats the only reason y ur giving me a second chance? TiARa 024: cuz other gurls didn't give it to u? Numaphile: because ive never given second chances TiARa 024: u havent? Numaphile: no TiARa 024: hm TiARa 024: ive never been in this situation b4 cuz its always the guy dumping me, then wanting a second chance TiARa 024: since u broke up with me ive had like 8 ppl ask me out TiARa 024: its driving me freaking insane TiARa 024: my ex wont leave me alone TiARa 024: arg TiARa 024: i did want u back TiARa 024: up until u told my u could never like me romantically TiARa 024: i want to be ur girlfriend TiARa 024: not just a fuck buddy TiARa 024: im never going to be more than that to you and that will hurt me too much. sorry i cant do that to myself ive already had too much pain from you... b proud of me though. i didn't think i could say no to you. TiARa 024: whoa TiARa 024: i sed no to u TiARa 024: lol TiARa 024: of course if u lied to me and told me u were in love with me i would take u back in a second but thats not the case TiARa 024: =P TiARa 024: im going to bed now, sweetheart Numaphile: i just said i would give you a second chance TiARa 024: but u dont like me Numaphile: and thats the last chance you will ever get from me TiARa 024: lol TiARa 024: honey TiARa 024: if u can tell me that you will think of me as ur gf TiARa 024: in all senses emotinal and physical TiARa 024: i would take u back in a second TiARa 024: but u sed that u couldnt like me romantically TiARa 024: thats gonna b a problem Numaphile: i was trying to get rid of you TiARa 024: why? Numaphile: well its complicated but it was for your best interest TiARa 024: um Numaphile: it made you not like me anymore right? TiARa 024: okay TiARa 024: HA! TiARa 024: thats funny TiARa 024: i dont get over ppl that easily Numaphile: it gave you closure that you need Numaphile: so that you could move on TiARa 024: takes a few weeks with my good friend ron (bacardi) for me to get over anyone TiARa 024: oh i still move on Numaphile: that has no relevance to me TiARa 024: but ill always like you still Numaphile: you are too wishywashy TiARa 024: hahaha Numaphile: you say 2 completely different things all the time TiARa 024: and that makes me wishywashy? TiARa 024: lol TiARa 024: yeah u say one thng and act another TiARa 024: or u lie a lot TiARa 024: u intrigue me Numaphile: i do things for my best interest or the best interest of others TiARa 024: i think just the former TiARa 024: that was not my best interest Numaphile: you cant see it now but it was TiARa 024: lol TiARa 024: okay TiARa 024: ur the brain TiARa 024: uknow everything TiARa 024: im just a stupid little girl right? TiARa 024: i know what's best for me. and i honestly would not have stayed with u if i didnt want to stay with you Numaphile: oh TiARa 024: i was hoping that i could make you like me. guess it didn't work. Numaphile: i never not liked you TiARa 024: i meant as an actual girlfriend Numaphile: you had a soft spot in my heart Numaphile: if that means anything TiARa 024: i dont ever know if ur lying now or telling the truth. if that is true. that means so much to me. too much maybe. and if u are really adam and you really mean that. i'll take you back Numaphile: ok TiARa 024: okay what? Numaphile: ok ill give you a chance to show me who you are TiARa 024: thats not what i am asking TiARa 024: nevermind Numaphile: ok then TiARa 024: i think ur still hurting over suzanna. and u wouldnt understand my sentiments TiARa 024: i never asked you to love me. i just wanted to feel like i meant something to you TiARa 024: good night Numaphile: night Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry ~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~ �MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES� August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again... July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards* July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean.... .