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Noah Posts A Convo
February 13, 2003 ~ 12:11 PM
This is a conversation between Kat and a friend that I kinda took over midway. I explained something that she never has--because she has never let anyone understand her completely. She doesn't want to be like her mom years ago, when, for example, if her mom was in a bad mood she would make everyone in a bad mood. Kat doesn't want to bring others down with her.
wrdapgl: hi kat
wrdapgl: how are thigns going
VEGG1E Kat: fine fien
wrdapgl: cool
wrdapgl: happy valentines day
wrdapgl: how are u doing overall
VEGG1E Kat: tired
VEGG1E Kat: really full
VEGG1E Kat: I miss my boyfriend
VEGG1E Kat: who is ignoring me
VEGG1E Kat: so he can study
VEGG1E Kat: and stuff.. yeah
wrdapgl: u wanna talk aobut it?
wrdapgl: come on
VEGG1E Kat: huh?
VEGG1E Kat: talk about what?
wrdapgl: you can only spend so much time with a person
VEGG1E Kat: I know
VEGG1E Kat: I just miss him anyway
wrdapgl: i mean you can only have so much sex
VEGG1E Kat: I'm in his room waiting for him so we can take a shower
VEGG1E Kat: I like hanging out with him too
wrdapgl: oh nice
VEGG1E Kat: I love just lying in his arms
VEGG1E Kat: and feeling his breath on my skin
wrdapgl: that is so cool
VEGG1E Kat: yeah
VEGG1E Kat: So peaceful
wrdapgl: so u going to have sex in the shower?
VEGG1E Kat: There is so much love in our relationship.. it's amazing
VEGG1E Kat: I dunno
wrdapgl: cool
VEGG1E Kat: Maybe, maybe not
VEGG1E Kat: Lol
wrdapgl: is it love or is it lust?
wrdapgl: well my friend over at college 9 did it
wrdapgl: yesterday
wrdapgl: tell me when become appropriate
wrdapgl: but that is cool
wrdapgl: it is so cool u have a partner
VEGG1E Kat: Lover
VEGG1E Kat: I know it's love
wrdapgl: so if u could u would spend every minute with him?>
VEGG1E Kat: because I've lusted before
VEGG1E Kat: and It's different
VEGG1E Kat: Oh yes
wrdapgl: how so?
VEGG1E Kat: I could never get tired of Noah Dekkers
VEGG1E Kat: He's my everything
VEGG1E Kat: Unfortunately
VEGG1E Kat: ...
wrdapgl: unfortunatly?
VEGG1E Kat: Because he doesn't want to be everything to me
VEGG1E Kat: He has this whole shtick about my loving myself
VEGG1E Kat: I love him a lot
VEGG1E Kat: And he loves me
wrdapgl: yeah
VEGG1E Kat: So I'm getting closer to one day loving myself
VEGG1E Kat: You know?
wrdapgl: yeah
wrdapgl: so i think what he means is that: In order for you to love him, you gotta love yourself first
VEGG1E Kat: Yeah
wrdapgl: he is right u gotta love yourself
VEGG1E Kat: I just don't see what there is to love
VEGG1E Kat: And he's showing me
wrdapgl: you are beautiful [!]
wrdapgl: u are smart [!!!]
VEGG1E Kat: That isn't everything though
VEGG1E Kat: {Noah wants to have sex with you cuz you are right on}
wrdapgl: huh?
wrdapgl: and you are strong[!!!!]
VEGG1E Kat: Sometimes...
wrdapgl: yes
wrdapgl: i see the strength within you
wrdapgl: turn your pain into strenght
wrdapgl: do writing
wrdapgl: for me when i do not feel good about myself
wrdapgl: i write
wrdapgl: and let the ideas flow
VEGG1E Kat: My writing doesn't cut it for me anymore.
wrdapgl: how so
VEGG1E Kat: I used to write a lot and it no longer helps... and I feel like I don't have the time for it
wrdapgl: yes u do
wrdapgl: everyone has time to write
wrdapgl: i have made time to write
wrdapgl: how about this: you write once a week
wrdapgl: and the rest of the week you excersise
wrdapgl: and find some way to channel your emotion
wrdapgl: you could do things like join student governemtn
wrdapgl: your stength and your happiness are what i admire about you
wrdapgl: you are always smiling
VEGG1E Kat: :-)
wrdapgl: something i cannot alwasy do
wrdapgl: you know what
VEGG1E Kat: N: her constant smile is a fasade that brings her down when she can finally relax alone or around someone she trusts. her fascade actually has been a part of her destruction, and she keeps it up because she doesn't want to bring people down with her own problems. she likes to see people happy--unlike herself
wrdapgl: u should have this song in your hear http://persweb.direct.ca/fstringe/oz/s4608.html
wrdapgl: never thought about it that way
wrdapgl: well not neccesarily destruction
VEGG1E Kat: yea, she's learning how to be more herself, it takes time though. and courage to let her whole being out for display
wrdapgl: right that is true
wrdapgl: but it is one day at a time
VEGG1E Kat: putting on a face for people, being fake your whole life is tiring
wrdapgl: that is true
VEGG1E Kat: and the feeling of people not really knowing you, or understanding you or your struggles is detrimental to finding one's niche in this world
wrdapgl: right
wrdapgl: there are people that understand
VEGG1E Kat: alienation, detachment, loneliness, longing
VEGG1E Kat: too much is not fun
wrdapgl: yeah
wrdapgl: in sc there are people that understand
VEGG1E Kat: I think until she lets them understand they cannot truly understand and love "her"
wrdapgl: i agree
VEGG1E Kat: "lets" because she has to make the decision to open up
VEGG1E Kat: (slowly of course)
wrdapgl: yeah
wrdapgl: it takes time
VEGG1E Kat: scary shznit yo
wrdapgl: eveyrthing takes time
wrdapgl: i used to put up thick mental walls till i came here
wrdapgl: SC i have become more open
wrdapgl: to new ideas
wrdapgl: and to people with differing ideas
wrdapgl: and personalities
wrdapgl: but noah are your efforts succeeding?
VEGG1E Kat: yea, once over that first hump of fear its soooo awesome, its hard to start the ball rolling sometimes
VEGG1E Kat: i duno
wrdapgl: i agree
VEGG1E Kat: im no therapist, and im no stable person myself. i just hope im doing more good than harm
VEGG1E Kat: shower time
VEGG1E Kat: nice chattin peace
wrdapgl: k have fun u two
wrdapgl: and happy valenitines day
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