Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry Ugh February 16, 2003 ~ 4:42 AM I cannot get over how awful I look right now. I just gave myself yet another reason to never leave my room again. But then... I'd look even worse. I closed my window so that the flies can lay eggs on me... so that there won't be any maggots eating me up. Ew. ::shivers:: I'm so cold inside. It's gross. I look gross. I feel gross. THe thoughts inside my mind are gross. I hope that Noah understands. If he really cared that much he would have stayed right? And helped me through my fear? His sleep was more important than my sanity. He left in anger and frustration. I die in frustration. Please see the rationality of this. Noah, do you really think that the good would be worth all this pain? Everytime I promise not to kill myself, I get another reason to die. It's tiring to live like that, Noah. Please understand. Don't be mad. Don't come for me. You're the only one who's gonna read this diary. I know it. I'm not really hurting myself. Just not drinking. Okay? Noah. I love you. I'll miss you so much but it won't be any worse than the pain and abandonment I feel now. Lover, you are still everything to me. {I just don't have you} Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry ~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~ �MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES� August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again... July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards* July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean.... .