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weird ass dream
February 20, 2003 ~ 8:17 PM
I was trying to run after Noah. Cuz he was trying to leave. He was leaving me. And I ran after him even though I could barely breathe and I was so so tired. I couldn't let him just leave me. He ran towards a pier. It was just an empty pier and the moon was a deep blood colored red. It was huge and it was right on top of the water... the reflection of it on the ocean made the water look bloody... full of death. I chased him onto the pier. I kept on begging him not to leave me and not to go but he wouldn't listen. Then we got to the end of the pier. And he told me he was gonna read. And he pushed me off the pier. The water was ice cold. Initially, I tried to curl up into a ball to keep warm but then I couldn't breathe and I stretched out. I was drowning. I thrashed around and I called to Noah so many times but he just kept on reading {on the pier? reading by red moonlight? I don't really know} and he didn't even care that I was dying. And then I ran out of air and I died. I was floating face down in the water... and I heard {I know I'm dead so I have no idea how I heard it... maybe he did so in real life cuz I did hear it in my dream} Noah highlighted something in his book. I woke up in a jerk, facedown and on my stomach, my nose and mouth both buried in Noah's pillow, gasping for breath, my lungs screaming for oxygen. I had been crying and my nose was clogged up from mucus. Noah saw me wake up {from his desk} and asked me if I wanted to nap on his bed. I almost said "Why would it matter to you? You just killed me." And then, of course, I realized that it didn't make sense, cuz I was alive and it had just been a nightmare etc... but I couldn't stand being in there... not with him in his study-mode and in a totally platonic mood... which was why I was sad in the first place... why I felt tired in the first place... cuz he wouldn't kiss me... well, he wouldn't open his mouth when he kissed me... I had eaten dinner alone cuz Noah had gone earlier without me. The whole time during dinner I was thinking to myself and making myself get okay with the idea that my boyfriend couldn't wait an hour for me to get back from class so I could eat with him. All I wanted was like half an hour/an hour with him and then I was gonna let him do his studying thing. So I basically talked myself out of being hurt over that {cuz it's stupid}... even though I was hurt... but still... yeah. So I told myself that I would just get over it and let him study... I just wanted to kiss him passionately and taste him and pour my love into him and then I would have left him alone. When he let me into his room he made me sit on his lap, straddling him, I was so happy and so ready to just kiss the hell out of him and then leave him be... but he wouldn't kiss back. He wouldn't open his mouth... Just told me that he was not in the mood. He was kissing me.. he just would not open his mouth for even a second to satiate my need to be inside him and to touch his soft tongue with mine... and that was the one thing I wanted at the time... I'm getting tired again... thinking about this... I'm gonna go hide in my nook under my bed...
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�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again...
July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol
July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards*
July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo
July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean....