Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry away messages April 13, 2003 ~ 3:03 AM I was updating my away messages. I have so many of them that have to do with Noah. My most commonly used one is "I'm with Noah. As usual". That's my favorite one. It always made me so happy to put that one on cuz it meant I got to go be with Noah. There's another one that says that I'm in my room and waiting for some serious Noah love. I didn't cry. But it made me feel sick to my stomach. Like seriously ill. The one about doing Chemistry... that one kills me... I took away all the happy faces and the winky faces and put in tear faces and sad faces. God it kills me so bad. I just love him so much. {Still not crying... I think I've run out of tears. Maybe I should drink something} I'm gonna use them again, though. Cuz me and Noah are gonna be together again. He'll realize how amazing we are together, how much we love each other, how we belong together. He'll take me back. I'm so sad that I'm not gonna see him before I move, but who knows, we could even be back together by then. You know? And then I wouldn't have to not contact him er whatever. {I'm so tired... falling asleep here.. crying is so exhausting} That would be so awesome if we got back together sooner rather than later. Noah's still mine. He told me that he would be mine as long as I want him. Mhmm. I'm gonna be with him forever. Cuz I'll want him until the day that I die. So he's still mine. We're still together, our hearts are. Just like how I'd like to think I lost my virginity to him... first time making love. It's to do with the heart. He has my heart. He told me that I'll always have his heart. He can't just change his mind like that, you know? He loves me. And we're gonna get back together and it's gonna be so wonderful. It's gonna be amazing. =] I'm gonna go to bed now. It's weird how I've been having good dreams. Those never happen... I mean, I still wake up crying but yeah. when I found Noah's door open this morning, I honestly thought he left it for me, that he regrets his decision and wanted me back. I was so happy... Guess not, huh. My dream about me and Noah lying on the beach listening to the surf and lying on his horse blanket... we're just holding hands and I start to sing softly my I love Noah song to him and when I'm done he lifts my hand to his mouth and he kisses it and he returns our hands to their spot nestled between me and Noah. I woke up crying. Noah promised that we would do Route 66. And that we would walk to Golden Gate Bridge next time we went to SF. He promised that he wouldn't abandon me, that he would never give up on me. My dream last night was about me and Noah getting back together. And I woke up crying. That's why I went to his room. To find the door open. I was so happy... you have no idea. It's like iono, someone created a rainbow right in front of me and handed me that pot of gold. Then... hell. I don't wanna talk about it. I've finally stopped crying. I'm not gonna start again. I still haven't told my parents anything. They know how much I love Noah. They'll prolly make me go home and just yell at me or something. About how I'm so unlovable and I will never be able to keep a guy and I'll never have a good man to love and support me and how they knew that he would break my heart and how I'm such a screw up to let this one go. They'll just tell me how it's all my fault cuz I didn't obey all his orders. I guess it is, isn't it. Huh. Wow, my parents were right. I didn't follow all of Noah's orders, so he won't get back together with me... Well, he will. He just is in denial or something. But I'll follow his orders... I'll start following his orders when he takes me back. Like I said, next time will be perfect. I can live for me and live for Noah at the same time. Mostly I live for me, but I'm gonna get Noah back, and I'm gonna make him happy, and I'm gonna be happy with him. I found him the perfect buddy icon today. Well, there are two. and He was always farting. I actually started to like it. It's that gross? I mean, it's rude-ish and immature-ish but it makes him him. And he was so cute when he did it. And he loves how I'm so grossed out by it. I just hated it when he burped in my face. Ew. Lol and he always wanted to light my farts, or his. He actually did it once, I hafta admit it was pretty cool. Guess what, even though he is being weird right now, I'm still falling more and more in love with him each and every day. <3 =))) Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry ~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~ �MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES� August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again... July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards* July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean.... .