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two tears shed while writing this
April 15, 2003 ~ 5:14 PM
yay i chose the right room to go to. lol. it was 363. soc was right. eesh. i feel so cold everytime i see people walk by holding hands or with their arms around each other. and i just think that should be me and noah. iono. i miss him. i hope he comes around and takes me back soon. i miss him so much. i miss my heart. he's meant for me and i'm meant for him. the sooner he realizes that, the better. so i can get on with the rest of my life with my heart. and feel the joy i get from living life each day- in my heart and not just in my mind. my lover. i wonder when he'll come back to me. everytime i see the cum bucket i wanna cry and i die a little inside. i wanna make love with him so bad. show him just how much i love him and how much i cherish him. my sexy boy. imma call him to say "I love you" right now. then back to packing. and back to the pain. overwhelmingly unbearable pain that i'm forcing myself to bear cuz i know that noah would never want me to put my life on hold for him. it feels good. taking life by the balls, kicking ass and taking names. what noah was always telling me to do. i'm finally able to do it. i wish i could feel how good it is in my heart though, and not just in my mind. being satisfied with myself is different than being happy or proud. i can't put my heart into anything right now. not even joy. isn't that sad? cuz my heart isn't with me. i wonder where it is? {noah? sweetie? where are you?} i thought about it and yeah i can't ever stop loving people. i just do. love people. i'm in love with noah. he has all of that kind of love. but i still have a ton of love for people in general. most people if not all people. my teachers are awesome. they all understand and though most syllabi state absences=lower grade they are not going to execute the rule. my power in politics teacher actually told me that i'm very bright. that he liked my comments. and he believes that i'll get an A in his class. {thanks, noah, for encouraging me to go anyway. i'm glad i went and didn't drop it like i'd planned. good call! love ya sweetie.} it does mean more books to buy but colin's friend chris has two books. and i told him that i would buy the other two books and we'd share. mhmm. yeah. cut the fee by half. econimize ya know? and since i got all steve's writing one stuff i'm so set. i prolly saved a grip of money. yeah. whenever i'm happy i wish for noah to be here. so i can be truly happy again. he loved seeing me happy. i'd do my happy dance if he were here right now. yeah. he's my heart.
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�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again...
July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol
July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards*
July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo
July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean....