Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry ::shivers:: April 16, 2003 ~ 7:48 AM Noah always said that he hated my room except for my window. I wake up looking at the trees and the gray sky that matches how I feel inside so well. I can't help but yearn for Noah's body heat next to mine as I stare into my lovely view. I almost decided to not go to my psychiatrist appt. To just lie there for another hour and a half before writing one and just dream about having Noah's arm around my waist, staring outside with me. I learned long ago that dreams don't ever come true on their own. You need to work to make it come true. I was lucky to have found Noah in the first place. That was fate. Now it's up to me to win him back. I just don't know how. He won't tell me. Even without a heart and even though I'm empty inside... responsibility won over despair and nostalgia. I'm up. And I have four minutes to walk to Dr. Athey. I feel as if I live my whole life for Noah now. I wouldn't have minded before. But I also did things for me. And now... I feel as if I do everything in hopes of getting him back. I wish he'd just take me back so I can go on living my life for me again. I'm so cold. I almost regret getting physical feeling back. Hunger sucks just as much. Thirst is okay. But emotionally I still only feel pain. Well, mostly. And it sucks. Cuz it's such an intense pain that it drowns out all the joy that I get in my life now. I'm late. For my appt. I really don't care about those things anymore. I'm never in a hurry. And I don't see anyone around me. I've prolly walked past Noah without even seeing him. I'm just envious of people right now cuz none of them has as much pain as I do. It's 8:04, maybe I just shouldn't go. No. Noah would want me to go. He'd kick me out of bed and make me go. Lol. Okay. Four minutes late isn't too bad. I think I'll go to Thimann again today to look at the fishies. Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry ~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~ �MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES� August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again... July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards* July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean.... .