Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry goddammit April 17, 2003 ~ 1:54 PM lol. i'm so used to having noah and just being totally chill and platonic around other guys. i don't even realize when i'm getting hit on anymore. that guy ben who gave me his green party button just got my phone number. i didn't realize he'd been hitting on me til i was on the bus. haha. eh. just friends, ben, just friends. no one can ever become what noah is to me. when i got hurt i used to use other guys to get over the guy that hurt me. it was a ridiculous cycle cuz i'd get hurt by the guys that i used, also. andrew is like a weird exception to everything. but I know that having sex with him won't get me over noah. nothing and no one will. i mean, andrew would be more than happy to have sex with me. many guys would, actually. even tamen who pretends that he doesn't even know who i am again. lol. i'm scared that if i have sex with andrew or anyone else, noah would never take me back again. although he wants me to believe that we're never getting back together again i know that's not true cuz we have so much love and that kind of love can go through hell and still be strong as the sun's rays in the sahara. i just hafta make sure that i don't go around andrew when i'm drunk. lol. i used to always just end up near him when i got drunk. i dunno why. being so in love with noah makes me not want to even get hit on by another guy... but when i'm drunk it's a different story. my body and my base instinct takes over. and trust me, my instincts are very very sexual. damned id. lol. i remember noah was looking at my rainbow heart slinky and he wanted to take it apart. cuz it's plastic so it's still all stuck together. and he asked me if he could take it apart. i told him he could but he didn't. he said he didn't want to break my heart. isn't that funny? Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry ~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~ �MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES� August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again... July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards* July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean.... .