Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry *sigh* *sniffle* *sob* May 02, 2003 ~ 3:36 AM Evan wants me to go to Chemistry class tomorrow. He has no idea what he is asking of me. I dunno if I will. I prolly won't. I really don't see the point. I just want to die. Now if he told me that if I went to Chemistry he would shoot me afterwards, hell, I'd wake up at 9 to walk to the bus stop and get to class! There is no hope for me. I realized this tonight after watching X-Men 2 with the couples. I don't think I would get back together with Noah. I won't ever trust anyone that much again. I just can't. I can't trust anyone. I love him... I do... but not really. I love the Noah that I knew. The one to whom I meant the world. The one who promised not to break my heart. The one who told me that he will be mine as long as I want him. I'm in love with him. THe Noah I believed and trusted with my heart and soul and life. I don't know who this new person is and what he did with my heart, my lover. The boy who was so sure that he would love me forever that he told me that if he ever broke my heart he would be mine to keep forever. He broke my heart. Where is he now? Was it all an act? Is there really such a thing as true love? I don't think there is. Otherwise I would be sleeping in 5329 right now, in the arms of Noah Dekkers. The boy I trusted with everything. I wish him a miracle if he plans to ever have my trust again. I can't love someone who I don't trust. This coldhearted monster who killed me is not my Noah. I feel sorry for my friends who care about me. I'll never love them. I am thankful for them... but only because I know I should be. I don't have a heart... No reason. Noah killed me in the truest sense. He killed my spirit. My loving spirit that was the essence of Kat. That girl who opened her arms to everyone and saw the good in them no matter how hard it was to find it. No more trust. No more love. No more Kat. No more me. Only pain. I have a few more weeks to go. I'll die __ ______ ________. I will ______ ____ ___. Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry ~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~ �MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES� August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again... July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards* July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean.... .