Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry god damn. again. May 09, 2003 ~ 2:16 AM I have no idea what the fuck is really going on with me and Ben... um... I think I'm being too... I don't even know. Fuck. Haha. He just seems to not want me around at all... it kinda hurts a little. I don't know what I'm talking about. Lol. He's really pretty good at the guitar, though. I watched him and Nik rock out tonight. I need to go to a concert, man. I miss that vibe. Yeah Ben's pretty good at the guitar. Nik is actually really good at drums. I just don't think anyone can compare to Mike Tracy. That boy can totally rock the drums. I can't believe he quit the band. They were so good. By the way I really wanted to have sex with Nik. Oh, yeah, it's Nik and not Nick like I was typing before. Nikolas. Russian. He's not Russian, though. He is really good looking. I LOVE his hair, dude. Beautiful. It's so nice. He lets me pet it. Hehe. He is sorta... iono... loud but dude I would NOT mind having sex with him. He sez that he can last 40 minutes in bed. I don't believe him but I'll bet a lot of people can last longer than Ben... I dunno. Ben comes way too quickly. That and he doesn't have sex with me whenever I wanna. I don't wanna be real demanding right now but I'm really just looking for a friend I can hang out with a lot and have sex with a lot. You know me. If I'm gonna have sex with him it means I like being around him. I guess Ben thinks I'm around too much. And I can't go after Nik cuz then it'll cause shit and I don't want that to happen. It's not cheating since Ben isn't my boyfriend. And under different circumstances I don't think I would sleep with other people. But come on. 3 minutes. That is not very long. And he won't have sex with me frequently enough to practice. Eh... he's a real good kid, though. I really like him. It's getting sorta sketchy cuz he doesn't want me around and I mean I wanna spend as much time with him as possible. It keeps my mind from wandering. Lol. Sex kitten. Benjamin, don't you know that you're dating a sex kitten? If you don't keep me satisfied I'm gonna get distracted. And we don't want that. I was talking to Jen tonight and she asked if I had a new boyfriend... honestly, I think I'd want Nik to be my boyfriend before I'd have Ben be my boyfriend. Ugh. I seem so fucking shallow. He doesn't last long enough in bed so I wanna go for his housemate with the pretty hair. I'm so... bad. Bad kitty... Meow? I just wanna be happy. And Ben hurts my feelings when he gives me all those "what the fuck are you doing coming over again" vibes. Eh. I dunno. We'll see how this plays out. I might end up having sex with Nik afterall. And we'll see if the little 20 year old can really last 40 minutes... Ben's got potential. I think if I gave him a little time. Prolly too much for him or something? I just don't know what the fuck I want right now. I know what I don't want. I don't want more pain. Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry ~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~ �MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES� August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again... July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards* July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean.... .