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What the fuck, Kat.
May 09, 2003 ~ 2:24 PM
So I let Ben's housemate fuck me. {great I hafta go get my ass tested again for STI n shiz} Um... I actually feel bad. Look, I do have a conscience. Go figure. Those guys, man. Fucking insane. All they do all day is drink beer, smoke weed, party, etc. Boldy and drunkenly going no where. And they like it. That's seriously what they do every single fucking day. And I was around for like, four days. My breath still tastes/smells like alcohol and weed. I think that I'm just gonna stay away from them a lil bit n shit. I'll see Ben in class and see what happens or something. But you know what? I don't think that relationship will go anywhere unless he forgives me for letting Nik fuck me. I really really like Ben, you know? Like I totally like that kid. He's the only one in that household that actually goes to class and shit. And he rocks on the guitar. That boy is sexy, no doubt. I just don't know about how the relationship was going. I just kept on getting that vibe that he didn't want me around. Or not all the time anyway. And I want to be with him all the time. I like him. I enjoy his company. I have fun chilling with him and his friends. And not like I have anything better to do. I do homework, I sleep, I type on my computer. All that shiznit. He's fun. Benjamin Cumming. Such a sweetheart. He's almost always got that light in his eyes. I envy him that. I don't think I ever have that light in my eyes anymore. {I think I might when I see Ben. I just don't feel it in my heart.} And I doubt I'll ever see that light in Noah's eyes ever again. Nik is fun in bed, etc. But Ben is... wonderful... in general. I think the best thing for me to do is just not do either of them. It'll get too uncomfortable I think. I wish that Nik would just get the fuck out of the picture or something. I hope I didn't cause any trouble between those two. Nikolas Hansen complicates things way, way, way, too much. And I really hope that one day maybe me and Ben do start dating again or something. This time for real cuz I know I'm ready and that's what I want. *sigh* Why do I always fuck up the things that are going good for me? Cuz I'm scared they'll get too good and I'll get too hurt in the end. Duh, Kat. Yeah I took a chance for Noah, right? I ended up short one life and missing my heart which was my all.
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�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
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