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*yay* for ppl who make me feel better
May 10, 2004 ~ 6:23 PM
I called Matt's work, and his manager Rene is pretty cool. I dunno if he's genuine, but he listened. And I asked him if HE thinks Matt loves me... and he said yes... He said that me and Matt will work our shit out. Cuz it'll happen if we're meant to be. And I love him so much. That too. He thinks we'll work our shit out cuz I love Matt so much. He coulda juss been sayin it to make me feel better. And not believe it at all. But still... it's so good to find someone who isn't totally against it. Madman, too... Matt's friend who moved to Vegas, he told me he believed in me and Matt. I wish Matt believed in me and Matt more. Cuz he does sometimes. And other times he doesn't. When I asked him "Do you love me?" last night he said "Yes." He said no today. When I talked to him yesterday while at my uncle's house, he said he wanted to try. That he would come down here and he would love me. He told me today at 2:22PM "it may be the distance, but i wanna make this work... i hope it is there when i see you" and at 3:52PM today he said that he doesn't think it's real; that he doesn't want to try; that he doesn't wanna come see me. So disheartening. I don't know if he ever speaks the truth anymore. I feel more and more like a fucking yo-yo with each waking moment... And my heart breaks more with each breath I take... He's goin all over the place and he's draggin me with my heart on my sleeve behind him in the dirt. As I continue to love him with all my fucking heart and soul. I wish my mom would shut the fuck up. I wish my sister would shut the fuck up. I wish Matt's mom made more sense, I wish Matt's sister would not be such a bitch. [To think, I defended her to Matt] I wish people would start believing in LOVE. Especially Matt. I know that I did not waste the last ten months with him. Because the love is there. And I've never been with anyone this long before. Not even Noah. But that's why this hurts so much more. Because I love Matt MORE. And he's playin with me like a fucking yo-yo. If he comes down, he'll see... or he'll feel it. The love. It's there. And it doesn't disappear no matter WHAT anyone says. Be it parents or siblings or best friends in the world.
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�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again...
July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol
July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards*
July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo
July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean....