Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry He loves me, Dammit. He's gotta. May 10, 2004 ~ 10:27 PM I talked to some random guy who works at 76 tonight. Was looking for Rene. George... he's the one who covered for Matt when we moved me down here. I didn't mean to tell him anything... But ended up telling him the whole story. Just cuz I'm tired of talking to people who already have their own opinions on it... ie: Noah, Jen, mom, even Madman. I don't even talk to ppl online about it cuz I know they already have an opinion on it. I needed a clean slate. And this poor almost total stranger that I've never met before in my LIFE was the one I dumped it all on. Poor guy. He asked one too many questions and he got way more than he bargained for. Mer. I gave him what he wanted. He was nosy. I gave him juicy details. More than I wanted to though cuz I started crying. But still... I've been trying to call Matt all night and tonight I ended up talking to Kathy, who wouldn't let me talk to Matt. She kept telling me that I'm threatening him... and I was saying bad things on the internet about him... Um... okay. If u wanna take it as bad, sure... He's immature... even MATT knows that... I get frustrated about it... but that doesn't mean I'm talking shit. I'm stating an obvious fact. And threatening him? I would kill myself before ever hurting a single hair on Matt's head. Matt juss IMed me while I was away... MattGenuineDraft: you there? Auto response from MattGenuineDraft: Tell Matt that I love him. ---> Click here :-( Make Matt love me. ---> Click here Hahahaha :-D Wow if u actually send u gotta be BORED. Or love me tons... <3 MattGenuineDraft: ugh MattGenuineDraft: ok this makes it easier MattGenuineDraft: stgop calling me MattGenuineDraft: i dont want to try anymore MattGenuineDraft: im tired of the headgames MattGenuineDraft: you threatin me with suicide, and blamin it on me MattGenuineDraft: its not my fault, it is you, your mental health MattGenuineDraft: you need some serious help, ok MattGenuineDraft: i dont want to try anymore, i dont love you, im not going down on the 15th MattGenuineDraft: good bye MattGenuineDraft signed off at 10:35:50 PM. He told me that... and then he called me and told me not to call his cell or house or work anymore. And he hung up on me. Just left. After what happened last night. After the last ten months of just loving each other. I called Rene... I didn't what else to do. Who to turn to... And his number was right there in my phone cuz he'd called me tonight. I was talking to Rene... and he told me... that when he asked Matt if he loves me, Matt said that he does love me. I don't know. One of them is lying. I dunno which one. But one of them is. I got to hear Rene's voice though. And he sounded genuine. Matt IMed me... it's easy to lie online. "I don't love Matt". Convincing ain't it? But it could be wishful thinking. I mean... of course it could be. But I don't think Rene has any reason to lie to me. And Matt... I don't know what the fuck is up with Matt. And why would Matt lie to Rene? He's got no reason to do that either. But Matt has a reason to lie to me. I don't know what his reason is, but he does have a reason. Maybe it's his mom. I don't know. But I know that Matt loves me. I don't know why the fuck he's doing this to me. If he just came down on the 15th, I KNOW that he'll love me. That everything will be okay. I just need him to come down. I can't do anything from 400 miles away. He loves me. I know it. It's THERE. I know it in my heart and I would bet my life on it. [Literally] I'm gonna go to the Ontario Airport on the 15th at 4PM and I'm gonna wait for him. And if he doesn't show up, I'll drive up there. Fuck everything. I'll drive up there and find him or something. This kid means the world to me. And if I fail, then I die and nothing matters anyway. But if I succeed, I'll have Matt and who cares if I owe my mom a fuckin shitload of money... I'll have my fiance, back. I'll have my little boy back. I'll have the love of my life. He loves me dammit. He just can't see it when he's so far away from me. I believe this with all my heart and soul. Cuz I was just with Matt last week and there was a whole fucking lot of love there. No questions. Just LOVE. He's my baby. And I'll be damned if I let him deny us our love, our future, our.. lives. Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry ~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~ �MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES� August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again... July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards* July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean.... .