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promises n such
May 20, 2004 ~ 9:19 PM
I know what I'm missing. Matt's heart. He says that he's still loves me. But he's saying that he's not gonna keep his promises anymore. I'm gonna try to convince him otherwise of course. But it's still his decision to make in the end. And it's gonna hurt like fuck if he doesn't. I have so much faith in him though. I love him so fucking much and I believe in my lovely, precious boy. I think he WILL keep his promises when it really comes down to it. It hurts to put so much faith in him and hear him say no. But he'll come around in the end because he loves me. I have to believe in that. Hold onto my hope... My hope will kill me someday. But he's my darling and I think that he's gonna keep his promises... And he won't make me regret letting him go... I mean, I've already THANKED him for promising not to go to Costa Rica afterall. And trust me... It was a good fuckin thank you. Matter of fact, I thanked him twice. Lol. Gah it was amazing. I love that kid. I love it when he's near me. I love every single little thing about him. His body is perfection and he's the most gorgeous thing in the world. I loved that light in his eyes he gets inside like when I thanked him for promising not to go... Makes me love him more... Sparkly green eyes. It is so good hearing "I love you" again. And though I am scared right now, I still love him so much and I'm glad he loves me.... He just needs to forgive me for hurting him... As he hurts me while he does it. I wish he could just understand that I honestly thought he wouldn't wanna know cuz he always told me he didn't wanna know about shit like that. I didn't know that he'd wanna know. I really really love him and I wish he'd forgive me. I've forgiven me for any pain he's caused before... but this fear... it hurts. Being unsure of him and not being able to trust him because he's saying he might break his promises to me... it really really hurts. And he told me that he promises not to hurt me anymore if he can help it. That's a promise that I fucking wish he will keep more than anything in the world. Take a deep breath kitty... he loves you, he'll come through for you. This is the boy you wanna spend the rest of your life with. He loves you. And he WILL keep his promises. That's why you could let him go yesterday... cuz he promised, and you believed him. And I still do. I believe that he will not betray my trust, that he will not break his promise to me.
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�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again...
July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol
July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards*
July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo
July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean....