Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry hopefulnessless May 21, 2004 ~ 9:28 PM I dunno if I can keep doing this. Matt keeps changing his mind. Pain pain pain. Ugh. I mean... I'm tempted to just move up there right NOW. Fuck my job, etc. Matt's more important than money and food and such. He needs me nearby. Otherwise he'll keep dwelling on all the negative shit. I'm trying my damnest to go through each day without feeling the pain of the last two weeks. I mean, it's still there. I'm still hurting. And on top of that Matt's scaring the shit out of me. I hope that one day he will be able to forgive me for all the pain I've caused him. I'm trying to forgive him but he keeps perpetuating my fear and insecurity. I'm trying so fucking hard to make this up to him but I need to be near him to really have any affect. I love this boy so much. And I believe in him. I don't think he'll break his promises... And it's gonna be okay. We're gonna get married and I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with him. I have so much faith in my darling little Matt... I wish he'd stop ripping at it. Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry ~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~ �MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES� August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again... July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards* July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean.... .