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The pain and confusion of LAN {life after noah}
June 02, 2003 ~ 11:06 AM
God I miss Noah. I've decided to put his picture up on my wall anyway... "I love this boy"... Isaac is totally falling for me... And I feel terrible for it... I'm getting compassion back in my soul. If Isaac falls in love with me I'm gonna break his heart. He's only seen me twice and he's totally lost. I don't know what to do! I love him so much and I want to spend more time with him and be best friends with him... but I don't want to hurt him. No one deserves heartbreak. Not even Noah who tore mine apart. And especially not Isaac who got his own heart broken not too long ago. Not Auriel who is such a beautiful human being but has such bad luck with women. Not my sweet, innocent cousin Teresa. What about me? Did I deserve it? I am missing Chemistry right now... I think being in that classroom just makes me sad... I'm always gonna connect Chemistry to Noah. Always. I need to go see Lupe Allen today and stuff.. I need to get the midterms from Frank Andrews so I can use them to study for the final. I need to get that one book for politics so I can write my paper. I need to put up some posters for Kasey's band{reminds me of good times, promoting for Abel's band}. I need to pay rent and figure out my finances so my check doesn't bounce. I need to get more pictures from Longs. These ones won't have Noah in them... I get this heavy feeling in my chest when I think about Noah. When I walk by Noah's Bagels or when I see a depiction Noah's ark anywhere at all. That same feeling in my chest and the lump in my throat and the sick feeling in my tummy. And then I have to work my ass off distracting the hell out of myself with something that me and Noah never did together etc to be able to make it go away. Even Abel reminds me of Noah... Abel's been calling me a whole lot. Seeing me again, and this time single, must have hit something real deep. Isaac was text messaging me last night. He wants to know why I don't take my heart back. Because I can't find it. I can't find Noah. I really like my purple banner. It's really pretty. But I made another one, too. I dunno why I'm advertising for my diary... I just am. Steve {srchnddstry3} IMed me this morning and randomly asked me if he can call me and get me off... I laughed my ass off... I mean, he's never met me in person and he wants to call me and get me off... Weird how some internet guys are... see I don't like the ones like that... I like the ones that you can talk to for hours and joke around with and meet in person. This guy Steve, we've barely talked... and I mean, he's totally hot... but that's not everything, you know? And like, he's not one of those people who just get me... like Noah and Bob {my little boy from San Jose who's coming here next fall *yay*} There are just some people that I totally take to like a duckling to water. Then other people hafta work for it. Lol. It took me a few hours to totally love Isaac, but it took me a week to love Auriel. You know? Like that... and this guy... Iono... he doesn't entertain me... Lol. I got a message from a boy named Skot on Friendster he told me that I'm "one of the beutifulist girls on friendster". Hehe. *yay* Fun stuff. I like Friendster... it's really cool and such. I really miss chilling with Yoshi... I feel like I haven't seen him in forever and ever and ever. He keeps going out and getting drunk and partying with out me. =P What a meanie... it's all good. I still love him! =] I'm hoping that I get to take Teesa up to the bookstore today for souveniers and such... =P
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�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again...
July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol
July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards*
July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo
July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean....