Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry
And this whole time I thought I was a cat... I guess I'm a birdie... According to Jake, anyway...
June 04, 2004 ~ 2:14 AM
Me and Jake are talking about my relationship with Matt... Please do realize I don't especially agree with Jake's metaphor... I'd do anything for Matt of my own free will so long as it doesn't break my heart... I just found his comparison amusing... And a bit close to home.
TitoTheTurtle15: its like
TitoTheTurtle15: some cruel hunter
TitoTheTurtle15: catches a birdie
TitoTheTurtle15: and puts it in a cage
TitoTheTurtle15: and makes the bird depend on syrup
TitoTheTurtle15: to the point the bird no longer wants its real nectar
TitoTheTurtle15: only syrup
TitoTheTurtle15: nothing else
TitoTheTurtle15: and squaks, which bothers the hunter, but the hunter keeps teh birdie giving it syrup
[I'd like to think that I don't squak, tyvm =P]
FckStartMyHeart: and when he neglects to give it syrup... and the bird asks for some... he gets pissed that the birdie is so "needy" and "clingy"
FckStartMyHeart: heh
FckStartMyHeart: and he ignores the bird... just keeps it in it's cage without any syrup
[Time elapses...]
FckStartMyHeart: i chase birds
TitoTheTurtle15: lol
Being a cat... I've never been compared to a bird before. But I can sorta see the parallel he is drawing... Nectar being love and affection in general. Syrup being love and affection from Matt. Cept a hunter woulda just killed me. And if I were a bird, I wouldn't have gotten caught... have you ever tried to catch a bird?!?! It's HARD. I'm a kitty anyway. Matt's kitty. And though he's got me on a short leash... I don't mind it. I'm not struggling too much and it makes him happy so it's worth it. I do what he tells me cuz that's what is necessary to keep him and make him happy. My own free will. I'm not gaged. Leashed, but I like bondage. Sometimes I wish I could cut... when the pain becomes deafening... but I did promise him I wouldn't. Though now I'm thinking if he promised not to go to Costa Rica, and we go anyway... does that mean I can cut, if he starts to cut? Mer. I won't. I don't want to anymore. I hate the scars. I hate this pain even more. I wish Matt would just hold me and talk to me about it. The baby thing... he's the only one who can console me. He was there and it was half of him, too. I wish he were here for me. Cuz this really really hurts. I just need his love and reassurance. *sigh* I have a feeling, these scars won't go away...
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again...
July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol
July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards*
July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo
July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean....