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i'm such a bitch. i'm so fucking emo. i'm so in love with Noah.
June 28, 2003 ~ 3:43 AM
Here is me talking to Tom from San Jose who is starting to REALLY get on my nerves. I keep telling him just point blank I'm just gonna be your friend cuz yer nice; you don't have a chance in the world with me. But I don't think he gets it. And it's just starting to get annoying. And I don't even think I want to be his friend anymore. Anyway, here's me and Tom.
TOMdMAK (11:46:19 PM): sup
TOMdMAK (11:46:38 PM): i just came home from the movies
TOMdMAK (11:46:41 PM): went to see finding nemo
TOMdMAK (11:46:53 PM): busy? i guess i'll ttyl
OMFG Noah sucks (11:47:14 PM): aww cute. i wanted to see that movie
OMFG Noah sucks (11:47:16 PM): how was it?
TOMdMAK (11:47:22 PM): pretty funny
TOMdMAK (11:48:42 PM): wat did u do tonight
OMFG Noah sucks (11:51:30 PM): nothing
TOMdMAK (11:55:36 PM): didn't go out with your friends?
OMFG Noah sucks (11:59:30 PM): nope
OMFG Noah sucks (11:59:40 PM): i was with just one guy
OMFG Noah sucks (11:59:54 PM): and i guess you can say that we're friends now
TOMdMAK (12:00:12 AM): oh where did u meet him from
OMFG Noah sucks (12:02:33 AM): thrift store
TOMdMAK (12:02:44 AM): oh and what did u do
OMFG Noah sucks (12:02:50 AM): he helped me bring home my fish tank
TOMdMAK (12:02:57 AM): oh
OMFG Noah sucks (12:02:58 AM): he showed me his new house that he juss bought
OMFG Noah sucks (12:03:04 AM): he showed me his kitty
OMFG Noah sucks (12:03:08 AM): he gave me some food
OMFG Noah sucks (12:03:16 AM): then he seduced me
OMFG Noah sucks (12:03:17 AM): lol
TOMdMAK (12:03:22 AM): seduced u?
OMFG Noah sucks (12:03:26 AM): mhmm
OMFG Noah sucks (12:03:32 AM): he totally full on seduced me
TOMdMAK (12:03:32 AM): how
TOMdMAK (12:03:57 AM): did he succeed
OMFG Noah sucks (12:04:31 AM): yeah
OMFG Noah sucks (12:04:38 AM): i sed he seduced me
OMFG Noah sucks (12:04:44 AM): not "he tried to seduce me"
TOMdMAK (12:04:55 AM): how did he seduce u
TOMdMAK (12:06:04 AM): so u had sex with him i guess?
OMFG Noah sucks (12:11:33 AM): ask him how he seduced me
OMFG Noah sucks (12:11:41 AM): i don't even KNOW how he seduced me
OMFG Noah sucks (12:11:48 AM): i haven't had sex in so long
OMFG Noah sucks (12:11:56 AM): wait, not that long.. but long for me
OMFG Noah sucks (12:12:04 AM): he was juss really sweet
OMFG Noah sucks (12:12:25 AM): like when he was at the thrift store, he was helping out some random stranger even though he had to get his own stuff
OMFG Noah sucks (12:12:41 AM): he gave the guy a section of his rope to tie down stuff
OMFG Noah sucks (12:12:50 AM): and plus the fact that he's got a cat....
OMFG Noah sucks (12:12:59 AM): the way that he treats his cat it's adorable
OMFG Noah sucks (12:13:06 AM): he loves his cat so much
OMFG Noah sucks (12:13:54 AM): plus he offered to help me bring my fish tank home for me
OMFG Noah sucks (12:13:56 AM): and stuff
OMFG Noah sucks (12:13:59 AM): it was really nice
TOMdMAK (12:14:06 AM): so u did have sex with him then
OMFG Noah sucks (12:14:11 AM): yes
OMFG Noah sucks (12:14:15 AM): he seduced me
TOMdMAK (12:14:25 AM): oh
OMFG Noah sucks (12:15:11 AM): in middle of our second time, i like fucked with his head and asked him out of nowhere "would you be pissed if i told you right now that i'm 16 and not 18?"
OMFG Noah sucks (12:15:13 AM): lol
OMFG Noah sucks (12:15:15 AM): he totally froze
OMFG Noah sucks (12:15:18 AM): it was so funny
OMFG Noah sucks (12:15:23 AM): he had like these wide eyes
OMFG Noah sucks (12:15:26 AM): that was mean
OMFG Noah sucks (12:15:30 AM): i shouldn't have sed that
OMFG Noah sucks (12:15:36 AM): it's believable, though
TOMdMAK (12:15:37 AM): is he white
OMFG Noah sucks (12:15:37 AM): i look young
OMFG Noah sucks (12:15:43 AM): yeah he is
TOMdMAK (12:16:07 AM): what exactly did he do
OMFG Noah sucks (12:16:59 AM): what do you mean?
TOMdMAK (12:17:09 AM): to seduce u
OMFG Noah sucks (12:17:18 AM): i don't know
OMFG Noah sucks (12:17:21 AM): he just did
TOMdMAK (12:17:27 AM): oh
OMFG Noah sucks (12:17:29 AM): there was a lot of chemistry on his part
TOMdMAK (12:17:40 AM): oic i guess cuz he's white
OMFG Noah sucks (12:17:53 AM): not so much for me, though... no chemistry for me... juss... i dunno... affection
OMFG Noah sucks (12:18:27 AM): i felt very affectionate twoards him because of how he treated me and how he treats other people, how he treats his cat, all the passion that he had for the things that he does.
OMFG Noah sucks (12:18:39 AM): the fact that all his food is organic and healthy
OMFG Noah sucks (12:18:48 AM): i juss liked him a whole lot as a person
TOMdMAK (12:18:57 AM): did u use a condom
OMFG Noah sucks (12:19:02 AM): he did
OMFG Noah sucks (12:19:07 AM): it was pink the first time
OMFG Noah sucks (12:19:10 AM): and clear the second time
OMFG Noah sucks (12:19:12 AM): lol
OMFG Noah sucks (12:19:26 AM): he's a dork... tons of his things are pink
OMFG Noah sucks (12:19:29 AM): like his towels
TOMdMAK (12:19:31 AM): oh
OMFG Noah sucks (12:19:32 AM): and his COMPUTER
OMFG Noah sucks (12:19:35 AM): are pink
OMFG Noah sucks (12:19:46 AM): and he's got an eyebrow piercing that's pink
TOMdMAK (12:20:00 AM): so r u gonna date him
OMFG Noah sucks (12:20:04 AM): nah
OMFG Noah sucks (12:20:09 AM): i wanna date trent kitty
TOMdMAK (12:20:15 AM): who's that
OMFG Noah sucks (12:20:17 AM): well.. i dunno
OMFG Noah sucks (12:20:23 AM): i might date Zach
OMFG Noah sucks (12:20:27 AM): he's an awesome person
OMFG Noah sucks (12:20:33 AM): and he sez that I'm good in bed
OMFG Noah sucks (12:20:35 AM): or something
TOMdMAK (12:20:40 AM): who?
OMFG Noah sucks (12:20:46 AM): i like the person that Zach is
TOMdMAK (12:20:46 AM): the guy from today?
OMFG Noah sucks (12:20:49 AM): yeah
OMFG Noah sucks (12:21:04 AM): he's 26 and transferring to UCSC
TOMdMAK (12:21:09 AM): oh
TOMdMAK (12:21:14 AM): how good r u in bed
OMFG Noah sucks (12:21:17 AM): ask him
OMFG Noah sucks (12:21:18 AM): not me
OMFG Noah sucks (12:21:19 AM): lol
TOMdMAK (12:21:26 AM): oh
TOMdMAK (12:21:31 AM): r u gonna see him again
OMFG Noah sucks (12:22:34 AM): if he calls me
TOMdMAK (12:22:36 AM): or have sex with him again?
OMFG Noah sucks (12:22:46 AM): if he wants to, i guess
OMFG Noah sucks (12:22:49 AM): prolly
OMFG Noah sucks (12:22:58 AM): that's prolly the only reason why he'll call me
OMFG Noah sucks (12:23:01 AM): so he can have sex
OMFG Noah sucks (12:23:07 AM): that's why i don't think i'll be dating him
TOMdMAK (12:23:12 AM): lol seems like everyone is getting lucky except me
OMFG Noah sucks (12:23:15 AM): rather just spending some "time" with him
OMFG Noah sucks (12:23:18 AM): lol
OMFG Noah sucks (12:23:29 AM): no one is getting lucky except Zach
OMFG Noah sucks (12:23:39 AM): he's the first guy I've had sex with in weeks and weeks
TOMdMAK (12:23:50 AM): who's zach
TOMdMAK (12:23:54 AM): the guy you met today?
OMFG Noah sucks (12:29:17 AM): mhmm
OMFG Noah sucks (12:29:23 AM): at the thrift store
TOMdMAK (12:29:41 AM): oh
TOMdMAK (12:29:48 AM): didn't u have sex with auriel too
OMFG Noah sucks (12:30:34 AM): oh yeah. he needed to lose his virginity
TOMdMAK (12:31:21 AM): i do too
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Auto response from OMFG Noah sucks (12:31:21 AM): b r b
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OMFG Noah sucks (12:44:29 AM): yer still a virgin?
TOMdMAK (12:44:45 AM): yea
OMFG Noah sucks (12:45:05 AM): go find someone to have sex with, yo
TOMdMAK (12:45:16 AM): who
OMFG Noah sucks (12:45:30 AM): i dunno who you know
TOMdMAK (12:45:40 AM): nobody
TOMdMAK (12:47:12 AM): you hehe
OMFG Noah sucks (12:48:07 AM): you wish, ton
OMFG Noah sucks (12:48:08 AM): tom
OMFG Noah sucks (12:48:09 AM): =P
OMFG Noah sucks (12:48:14 AM): we're FRIENDS
TOMdMAK (12:48:20 AM): that's what you told me to do
TOMdMAK (12:48:26 AM): find a friend to lose it to hehe
TOMdMAK (12:48:55 AM): from what i understood, auriel is your friend too
OMFG Noah sucks (12:49:11 AM): yeah
OMFG Noah sucks (12:49:15 AM): he's good looking
OMFG Noah sucks (12:49:18 AM): out going
OMFG Noah sucks (12:49:31 AM): totally wonderfully weird and hyper
OMFG Noah sucks (12:49:43 AM): and he PLAYS GUITAR which is a huge plus for me
OMFG Noah sucks (12:50:12 AM): he needed to lose his virginity
TOMdMAK (12:50:13 AM): if someone pays you would u ever do it
OMFG Noah sucks (12:50:18 AM): fuck no
TOMdMAK (12:50:36 AM): i need to lose mine too
OMFG Noah sucks (12:50:37 AM): if someone pays me i'd take the money and run and never talk to the person again
OMFG Noah sucks (12:50:43 AM): no you don't
OMFG Noah sucks (12:50:51 AM): you just think so
OMFG Noah sucks (12:51:01 AM): whether or not you do is for some girl to decide
TOMdMAK (12:51:01 AM): why is it he needed but i don't
TOMdMAK (12:51:09 AM): i know
TOMdMAK (12:51:16 AM): that's why i'm waiting
OMFG Noah sucks (12:51:16 AM): in Auriel's case, i decided that he needed to lose his virginituy
OMFG Noah sucks (12:51:24 AM): and i told you why
TOMdMAK (12:51:28 AM): fair
TOMdMAK (12:51:30 AM): fair enough
TOMdMAK (12:52:51 AM): i'll find someone that wants me
OMFG Noah sucks (12:57:23 AM): mhmm
OMFG Noah sucks (12:57:25 AM): you will
OMFG Noah sucks (12:57:27 AM): everyone does
TOMdMAK (12:57:53 AM): so why did u decide to give it to a friend
OMFG Noah sucks (12:59:36 AM): give what?
TOMdMAK (1:00:15 AM): give it up to him
OMFG Noah sucks (1:02:15 AM): gie what up?
OMFG Noah sucks (1:02:19 AM): i didn't give up shit
OMFG Noah sucks (1:02:24 AM): it was HIS virginity
TOMdMAK (1:02:36 AM): then take his virginity then
OMFG Noah sucks (1:11:00 AM): i gave you my reasons
TOMdMAK (1:11:15 AM): so i guess i'm not good enough =(
OMFG Noah sucks (1:12:59 AM): no way. i spend time with you and talk to you and observe you and i can totally see WHY you haven't lost your virginity. see, with Auriel, I did that same thing {the same thing I do with all ppl, spend time, talk, observe} and could not figure out why the fuck he was still a virgin. i had to do something about it, you know?
TOMdMAK (1:13:31 AM): so why i'm still a virgin?
TOMdMAK (1:13:44 AM): are you saying i'm an ugly loser
OMFG Noah sucks (1:15:08 AM): no
OMFG Noah sucks (1:15:19 AM): you juss got no charisma
OMFG Noah sucks (1:15:25 AM): auriel's got hella charisma
OMFG Noah sucks (1:15:28 AM): and he's smooth
OMFG Noah sucks (1:15:32 AM): he's a great flirt
OMFG Noah sucks (1:15:37 AM): he can be really sexy
TOMdMAK (1:15:46 AM): u told me not to flirt with u
OMFG Noah sucks (1:15:47 AM): he's really lively
OMFG Noah sucks (1:15:53 AM): i know
OMFG Noah sucks (1:16:09 AM): don't flirt with me
TOMdMAK (1:16:17 AM): i don't
OMFG Noah sucks (1:16:23 AM): yeah and auriel's got this great aura. i just love it.
OMFG Noah sucks (1:16:30 AM): just being around him makes me smile
TOMdMAK (1:16:32 AM): that's nice
TOMdMAK (1:16:36 AM): i'm glad
OMFG Noah sucks (1:16:38 AM): we're like kindred spirits
OMFG Noah sucks (1:16:51 AM): he's one of my best friends, now
TOMdMAK (1:18:38 AM): sorry for not having auras
OMFG Noah sucks (1:19:08 AM): huh?
OMFG Noah sucks (1:19:11 AM): you have an aura
OMFG Noah sucks (1:19:19 AM): just not sparkly bright like Auriel's
TOMdMAK (1:19:30 AM): oh
TOMdMAK (1:19:33 AM): then what's my aura
OMFG Noah sucks (1:22:30 AM): look it up online
TOMdMAK (1:23:10 AM): look up where
OMFG Noah sucks (1:25:06 AM): i dunno
OMFG Noah sucks (1:25:13 AM): go find a dictionary
OMFG Noah sucks (1:25:15 AM): duh
OMFG Noah sucks (1:25:20 AM): where else do you look stuff up?
TOMdMAK (1:25:23 AM): i didn't ask you what's aura
TOMdMAK (1:25:29 AM): i asked what is my aura
OMFG Noah sucks (1:26:42 AM): i can't tell you
OMFG Noah sucks (1:26:50 AM): i don't do that
OMFG Noah sucks (1:26:58 AM): i tell other ppl about someone else's aura
OMFG Noah sucks (1:27:07 AM): but no one can see or feel their own aura
OMFG Noah sucks (1:27:15 AM): because then they'd try to change it
OMFG Noah sucks (1:27:32 AM): so they shouldn't ask other ppl what they aura is like
OMFG Noah sucks (1:27:51 AM): there's a reason why a person cannot decipher their own aura
TOMdMAK (1:27:56 AM): whatever..
OMFG Noah sucks (1:35:20 AM): hm?
TOMdMAK (1:35:39 AM): wat?
OMFG Noah sucks (1:35:44 AM): see, if i told you about yer aura, you'd try to be something different
OMFG Noah sucks (1:35:49 AM): and that would be something yer not
TOMdMAK (1:36:48 AM): so if someone is an asshole and if you tell him, he can change his way to be a better person
TOMdMAK (1:37:20 AM): wouldn't u wanna tell him to change
OMFG Noah sucks (1:39:31 AM): nope. that's messing with nature
TOMdMAK (1:40:08 AM): in that sense you might as well kill all the criminals then cuz you don't want them to reform
OMFG Noah sucks (1:43:04 AM): no if they reform that's nature, stupid
TOMdMAK (1:43:22 AM): how would they reform if you don't tell them they are wrong
OMFG Noah sucks (1:43:24 AM): it's their own choice to do so
OMFG Noah sucks (1:43:33 AM): even if you tell them they are wrong
OMFG Noah sucks (1:43:39 AM): doesn't mean they'll reform
OMFG Noah sucks (1:43:44 AM): and i don't tell them they are wrong anyway
OMFG Noah sucks (1:44:11 AM): only when THEY decide that THEY are wrong or it is better for THEM to be right, will they reform
OMFG Noah sucks (1:44:31 AM): if you went and told a criminal right now that he's wrong and should reform he wouldn't reform, he'd kick yer ass
TOMdMAK (1:45:16 AM): not always
TOMdMAK (1:45:24 AM): if they have a conscious
OMFG Noah sucks (1:48:32 AM): um... if they had a conscience they wouldn't be criminals
OMFG Noah sucks (1:48:35 AM): duh
TOMdMAK (1:49:01 AM): some people do it cuz they have to
TOMdMAK (1:49:05 AM): some do it cuz they want to
I start ignoring him cuz I'm just tired of arguing... plus I become very intent on my and Auriel's conversation now. Here is me talking to Auriel just totally flipping out. Watch. And yes, I really do start crying. =P
OMFG Noah sucks (1:24:40 AM): meow!!!
OMFG Noah sucks (1:24:44 AM): <3 <3 <3
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:24:45 AM): Shiet...how long have a been offline?
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:24:45 AM): lol
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:24:48 AM): Hey Kicia
OMFG Noah sucks (1:25:25 AM): i'm talking to this guy
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:25:33 AM): lol, as always
OMFG Noah sucks (1:25:44 AM): about why i took yer virginity but won't take his
OMFG Noah sucks (1:25:46 AM): LOL
OMFG Noah sucks (1:25:49 AM): it's sad
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:25:50 AM): what a moron
OMFG Noah sucks (1:25:54 AM): fucking moron
OMFG Noah sucks (1:25:56 AM): actually
OMFG Noah sucks (1:25:57 AM): lol
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:26:11 AM): lol
OMFG Noah sucks (1:26:12 AM): he's just... dumb
OMFG Noah sucks (1:26:16 AM): and he wants to be my friend
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:26:18 AM): how long have i been offline?
OMFG Noah sucks (1:26:21 AM): so i try to be nice
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:26:23 AM): tell him i told him to fuck off
OMFG Noah sucks (1:26:24 AM): but meh
OMFG Noah sucks (1:26:28 AM): LOL
OMFG Noah sucks (1:26:31 AM): you tell him
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:26:38 AM): ok
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:26:42 AM): gimme his SN
OMFG Noah sucks (1:28:43 AM): TOMdMAK
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:28:53 AM): hehe
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:28:56 AM): so how was your day?
OMFG Noah sucks (1:29:02 AM): weird
OMFG Noah sucks (1:29:05 AM): really really weird
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:29:12 AM): freal?
OMFG Noah sucks (1:29:15 AM): did i tell you i got tadpoles?
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:29:22 AM): nope
OMFG Noah sucks (1:29:29 AM): well i wanted to get a fish tank fer them
OMFG Noah sucks (1:29:39 AM): so i went to hitchhike to down town
OMFG Noah sucks (1:29:56 AM): and i got there, stuck out my thumb and these ppl take me to bay and mission
OMFG Noah sucks (1:30:24 AM): i cross the street, stick out my thumb, and this guy takes me to laurel and california
OMFG Noah sucks (1:30:40 AM): i stick out my thumb cuz i'm a lazy ass and the chick takes me to salvation army
OMFG Noah sucks (1:30:52 AM): so i get in there. i asked them if they have any fish tanks
OMFG Noah sucks (1:30:55 AM): they only have one
OMFG Noah sucks (1:31:00 AM): and it's 50% off
OMFG Noah sucks (1:31:02 AM): come with a net
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:31:03 AM): awesome!
OMFG Noah sucks (1:31:04 AM): and rocks
OMFG Noah sucks (1:31:07 AM): i was like
OMFG Noah sucks (1:31:10 AM): awesome
OMFG Noah sucks (1:31:18 AM): and i paid at the counter
OMFG Noah sucks (1:31:35 AM): asked them if they could hold if for me til i could get someone with a car to help me take it home
OMFG Noah sucks (1:31:48 AM): some random guy goes, i've got a car, i'll give you a lift home
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:31:56 AM): that's sweet
OMFG Noah sucks (1:31:56 AM): so he tells me
OMFG Noah sucks (1:32:03 AM): he juss moved here and watned to meet new ppl
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:32:06 AM): sounds like you had good luck
OMFG Noah sucks (1:32:13 AM): that he lives in Ben Lomond
OMFG Noah sucks (1:32:17 AM): and he's got... A CAT
OMFG Noah sucks (1:32:30 AM): he just bought some random huge ass house
OMFG Noah sucks (1:32:39 AM): he wanted to show me the house, i wanted to see the ca
OMFG Noah sucks (1:32:40 AM): t
OMFG Noah sucks (1:32:46 AM): so we go over there
OMFG Noah sucks (1:32:49 AM): and i play with his kitty
OMFG Noah sucks (1:32:54 AM): he brings all his furniture in
OMFG Noah sucks (1:33:01 AM): i play with his kitty some more
OMFG Noah sucks (1:33:14 AM): he feeds me some rice cakes with peanut butter and some mild
OMFG Noah sucks (1:33:16 AM): milk
OMFG Noah sucks (1:33:25 AM): then he seduces me
OMFG Noah sucks (1:33:30 AM): so we have sex
OMFG Noah sucks (1:33:34 AM): twice
OMFG Noah sucks (1:33:40 AM): once with a pink condom
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:33:45 AM): ...
OMFG Noah sucks (1:33:49 AM): once with a clear one
OMFG Noah sucks (1:33:53 AM): his computer is pink
OMFG Noah sucks (1:33:58 AM): his towels are pink
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:34:01 AM): i don't want the details
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:34:03 AM): thanks
OMFG Noah sucks (1:34:05 AM): some of his blankets are pink
OMFG Noah sucks (1:34:08 AM): it's just weird
OMFG Noah sucks (1:34:10 AM): all pink
OMFG Noah sucks (1:34:22 AM): but his kitty was adorable. long haired black cat name: diablo
OMFG Noah sucks (1:34:26 AM): sweetest thing in the world
OMFG Noah sucks (1:34:55 AM): so he brings me home, helps me get my fishtank in here. then kisses me on a cheek telling me he's gonna go get a burger
OMFG Noah sucks (1:35:07 AM): and then after that things became normal
OMFG Noah sucks (1:35:12 AM): cept my back hurts like hell
OMFG Noah sucks (1:35:13 AM): lol
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:35:23 AM): yeah
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:36:07 AM): well good for you then i guess
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:36:12 AM): i deno what to say
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:36:54 AM): but that didn't make my day any better
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:38:26 AM): anyways, go do your thang
OMFG Noah sucks (1:38:58 AM): ...
OMFG Noah sucks (1:39:04 AM): how was yer day?
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:39:12 AM): meh
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:39:31 AM): was aight
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:39:33 AM): till i got back home
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:39:46 AM): i found out my friend is in the hospital
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:39:53 AM): some guy ran into him wit a car
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:39:57 AM): his ankle's broken
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:40:01 AM): leg's torn up
OMFG Noah sucks (1:40:02 AM): :-(
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:40:11 AM): and then i found out you had sex wit some guy
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:40:17 AM): and the whole time you were tellin me the story
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:40:22 AM): i knew that was the end result
OMFG Noah sucks (1:40:27 AM): is that bad?
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:40:28 AM): i just didn't wanna believe it
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:40:30 AM): yeah
OMFG Noah sucks (1:40:34 AM): how come?
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:40:35 AM): it hurts to know you did somethin like that
OMFG Noah sucks (1:40:40 AM): like what?
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:40:40 AM): but i guess i should expect it
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:40:45 AM): knowin you
OMFG Noah sucks (1:40:48 AM): like what?
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:40:49 AM): but i can't help it
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:41:03 AM): cuz i let myself get slightly attached
OMFG Noah sucks (1:41:05 AM): LIKE WHAT?
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:41:07 AM): which was my bad
OMFG Noah sucks (1:41:11 AM): ugh
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:41:13 AM): i shouldn't have let it happen
OMFG Noah sucks (1:41:14 AM): do somethign like what
OMFG Noah sucks (1:41:20 AM): and i thought you weren't attached to me
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:41:24 AM): have sex wit some random guy
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:41:28 AM): i thought so too
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:41:35 AM): but every time you tell me about someone new, i feel it
OMFG Noah sucks (1:41:36 AM): you were hooking up with my cousin for pete's sake
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:41:50 AM): yeah, i knew it was wrong though, and in the end i stopped it
OMFG Noah sucks (1:41:52 AM): like how it hurts when you tell me about girls in yer life
OMFG Noah sucks (1:41:54 AM): i know how that is
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:41:54 AM): i just hugged her
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:41:59 AM): i tell you about them
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:42:04 AM): but have i done a thing wit any of em?
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:42:05 AM): no
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:42:07 AM): not at all
OMFG Noah sucks (1:42:08 AM): nope
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:42:11 AM): exactly
OMFG Noah sucks (1:42:11 AM): but you LIKE them
OMFG Noah sucks (1:42:14 AM): see
OMFG Noah sucks (1:42:17 AM): that's the thing with me
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:42:18 AM): so, i LIKE a lot of people
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:42:25 AM): but i never act on it
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:42:29 AM): cuz that's not how i am
OMFG Noah sucks (1:42:37 AM): meaningless sex is just that. but if you have feelings for someone and you think you might get somewhere that bothers me
OMFG Noah sucks (1:42:42 AM): and it's stupid but it does
OMFG Noah sucks (1:42:44 AM): =P
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:43:03 AM): meaningless sex is somethin i haven't touched yet
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:43:06 AM): it's still beyond me
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:43:09 AM): like i said
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:43:25 AM): it's my bad for lettin myself get even remotely attached to you
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:43:45 AM): and that's why i'm lookin into new girls, cuz it'll help me break that connection
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:44:10 AM): the one that makes me feel uneasy each time you do somethin like that
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:44:19 AM): not that i'm really hurt
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:44:27 AM): i just feel unpleasant inside when i find out
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:44:47 AM): but i know i shouldn't
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:44:52 AM): cuz i don't mean shiet anyways
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:44:56 AM): i'm just a friend
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:45:07 AM): so i deno why it's any kind of deal to me
OMFG Noah sucks (1:45:16 AM): ...
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:45:43 AM): but whatever, you do your own thing
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:45:51 AM): cuz that's just how you are
OMFG Noah sucks (1:45:55 AM): auriel, you mean the world to me
OMFG Noah sucks (1:45:58 AM): you know that
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:46:00 AM): ain't a thing i can do to change it
OMFG Noah sucks (1:46:06 AM): i love you more than most anything
OMFG Noah sucks (1:46:24 AM): i just don't wanna pursue a relationship with you cuz i'm sure i'd break yer heart
OMFG Noah sucks (1:46:28 AM): i'm still in love with noah
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:46:31 AM): prolly
OMFG Noah sucks (1:46:33 AM): i'm not gonna fall out of love with noah
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:46:39 AM): never said you would
OMFG Noah sucks (1:46:46 AM): and you deserve someone who can give you her heart
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:46:58 AM): i never wanted a relationship wit you
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:47:02 AM): cuz i know it won't work
OMFG Noah sucks (1:47:06 AM): so what do you want?
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:47:09 AM): not wit the way you and i both are
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:47:10 AM): i deno
OMFG Noah sucks (1:47:16 AM): me to stay celibate?
OMFG Noah sucks (1:47:18 AM): lol
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:47:20 AM): still tryin to figure it out
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:47:20 AM): no
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:47:23 AM): like i said
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:47:26 AM): you do your own thing
OMFG Noah sucks (1:47:27 AM): i'm yer friend
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:47:28 AM): just...
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:47:31 AM): dont' tell me about it
OMFG Noah sucks (1:47:33 AM): and you are one of my best friends
OMFG Noah sucks (1:47:36 AM): i won't
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:47:44 AM): cuz it hurts when you do
OMFG Noah sucks (1:47:44 AM): cuz i don't wanna hurt you or make you feel badly
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:47:57 AM): but do whatever you wanna do
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:47:59 AM): your life
OMFG Noah sucks (1:48:01 AM): I love you, Auriel
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:48:01 AM): not mine
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:48:15 AM): and i'm not gonna tell you bout anyone i come across
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:48:27 AM): cuz you shouldn't feel anythin when you hear
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:48:34 AM): just as i shouldn't when you tell me
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:48:37 AM): but we both do
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:48:41 AM): and i don't like it
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:48:47 AM): because it's not supposed to be like this
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:49:39 AM): but whatever happens, i'ma still be your friend, but it's gonna be different
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:49:46 AM): i ain't gonna spend days at a time at your place
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:49:57 AM): you can have it free to bring in whoever you want to do whatever you want
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:50:00 AM): just don't tell me about it
OMFG Noah sucks (1:50:13 AM): that makes me sad
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:50:18 AM): cuz i care, but i don't wanna hurt inside
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:50:21 AM): i've had enough
OMFG Noah sucks (1:50:27 AM): ...
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:50:33 AM): first my dad tries to start shiet wit me again now that i'm home
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:50:46 AM): one of my best friends is fucked up and in the hospital
OMFG Noah sucks (1:50:55 AM): I''M SORRY OKAY?
OMFG Noah sucks (1:51:01 AM): i won't tell you those things anymore
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:51:03 AM): and a girl i'm not supposed to have any kind of incling to is doin her own thing
OMFG Noah sucks (1:51:03 AM): i told you already
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:51:07 AM): i know
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:51:10 AM): thank you
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:51:33 AM): i'm not tryin to be a dick Kicia
OMFG Noah sucks (1:51:37 AM): if you know then stop making me cry
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:51:39 AM): i just wanna shield myself from pain
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:51:45 AM): i'm sorry
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:51:51 AM): i'm only thinkin about myself
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:51:55 AM): i appologize...
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:52:09 AM): i just don't understand why i hurt like this
OMFG Noah sucks (1:52:26 AM): me neither
OMFG Noah sucks (1:52:32 AM): you're on my list, remember?
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:52:37 AM): list for what?
OMFG Noah sucks (1:52:39 AM): three people
OMFG Noah sucks (1:52:42 AM): you're one of them
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:52:45 AM): for what?
OMFG Noah sucks (1:53:11 AM): ppl that i would actually consider spending the rest of my life with... ppl i'd actually consider marrying
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:53:13 AM): sorry, i've been drinkin tonight
OMFG Noah sucks (1:53:23 AM): i told you this before
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:53:25 AM): so i can't remember too much of what happened before the night got wild
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:53:34 AM): sounds familiar
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:53:53 AM): i guess i should be proud, or feel special or somethin
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:53:59 AM): umm....*yaaaay*
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:54:01 AM): there
OMFG Noah sucks (1:54:23 AM): don't fake it. you aren't. and you don't.
OMFG Noah sucks (1:54:30 AM): don't worry about it
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:54:49 AM): i wanna appologize if i do or say anything fuckt up to you tonight
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:54:51 AM): like i said
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:54:54 AM): i've been drinkin
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:55:03 AM): and all the shiet that's gettin me down is makin me an asshole
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:55:43 AM): hold on, i need tissue to wipe my eyes
OMFG Noah sucks (1:57:35 AM): nite auriel
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:57:49 AM): night kicia...
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:57:54 AM): sleep well
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:57:56 AM): sweet dreams
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:58:00 AM): and yeah....again
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:58:02 AM): i'm sorry
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:58:05 AM): i really am
OMFG Noah sucks (1:58:05 AM): i don't have sweet dreams
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:58:13 AM): i can still wish them upon you
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:58:23 AM): but yeah...
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:58:28 AM): i'm sorry if i made you cry
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:58:35 AM): i just wanted to tell you how i felt
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:58:39 AM): if that means anythin
OMFG Noah sucks (1:58:40 AM): three times?
OMFG Noah sucks (1:58:43 AM): just to rub it in?
OMFG Noah sucks (1:58:46 AM): thanks auriel
jAdEfALcoN2002 (1:58:52 AM): i'm really sorry
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Auto response from OMFG Noah sucks (1:58:52 AM): gonna cry myself to sleep... i'm too fucking emo.
if you wanna know why ask jAdEfALcoN2002
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And here is where I go off to bed crying. Cuz I feel like shit. For being a bitch to Tom, for having sex with Zach, for hurting Auriel, for missing Noah, for being in love with Noah, for... I don't know. The fact that I cannot be with the one I love but also cannot love the one I am with. Regina, that awesome chick who gave me a ride home from LA... We were talking about her guy that she's in love with. Her guy who's married and has a kid. She said that: Hey, girl. You know. If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you got! And as if I weren't thinking about Noah already anyway cuz we were listening to Tracy Chapman. I couldn't stop the tears. Isn't it sad? Poor poor pitiful me. Shiet. I don't want sympathy. The only thing I fucking want is NOAH JOHN DEKKERS. I can't be with the one I love; I can't love the one I'm with. I don't really know why I had sex with Zach. I mean, it was pretty good sex... I just... didn't really have the desire to. Nothing compares to making love with Noah Dekkers and nothing ever will, I don't think. You know what? I think... that Kitty has officially lost her sex drive. I just... no longer desire? I mean, I've had sex... but I haven't actually wanted sex for a long long long long long ass time. I think it's because that before Noah, sex meant something to me. It was a connection to a person that I felt very close to. Very personal, very intense. Closest thing to "I love you" that I've ever gotten from a boy who I felt strongly about. And then there was the meaningless sex and that was just fun cuz meaningless sex often happened with guys who were very good looking and/or have really pretty hair. Now it's all just meaningless sex... with no one in particular at all... Except for Auriel... he's the exception. I love him tons and tons. We're kindred spirits, me and Auriel. Both huge ass singing emo dorks. Him with his pretty color-changey green to blue, blue to green eyes. His dark hair, his smile. That was fun. That was really fun. Cuz there was some meaning, some emotion, some sort of real affection behind it. The very reason that made Auriel worth it... is what made me stop. I didn't want to start to fall for him. Or think I was. Or have him fall for me. Something. Anything. I would have broken his heart. No one can break my heart right now... I don't have it. No one can break my heart but Noah. He has my heart. And it breaks more and more each day that I don't hear from him, that I don't see him, that I can't love him, that I can't be with him, that I can't watch him, and hold him, and fall asleep with him. And then with everyone else... they are just nothing to me... sex... I do it to make certain people happy. Those certain people that I feel I should make happy. Maybe I was simply thankful towards Zach for um... helping me with my fish tank. For letting me see his cat. For feeding me. For making me smile and making me feel pretty. "Thank you so much Zach! So yeah, I guess you can fuck me now." He says that he'll call me. He says that he'll see me again. Fuck. That's the only reason. He'll call me when he wants to fuck. He won't call and go: hey let's go to a movie. He'll call and go: hey let's hang out at my place. or hey let's go see a movie then chill at my place. He's just gonna use me for my pussy and my cute face. That's all. He told me that I'm better in bed than the chick he fucked last night. Oh, goodie. So now yer gonna call me for sex instead of her. Good stuff. Lucky you. Good Samaritan, right? He is, though. Just watching him... He's got a good heart. Just massive amount of hormone or something. I dunno. I know that if I go to bed I won't be able to sleep. But I'm gonna try. Cuz they'll prolly let me work tomorrow. And stuff... mhmm... yeah. Maybe Zach'll turn out to be an awesome guy. Maybe I'll never ever get to meet Trent Kitty... {he still didn't come visit me today} Maybe next fall me and Auriel will fall in love. Maybe Tom will get a clue and finally realize that I'm not gonna be anything more than friends with him. Maybe Noah will give me a call tomorrow and tell me how much he misses me... how much he loves me... Maybe Noah will honor his promise to me afterall. "I'll stay with you as long as you want me." "Promise?" "Yeah." "I want you for forever." "Then I guess we'll be together forever." *forever* The amount of tears I've shed for Noah and the amount of tears I will shed in the future for him... can turn Lake Ontario into a terminal lake. A body of salt water instead of fresh. Trust me on this. I cry a whole lot for Noah. Still.... mhmm Kitty gonna try to go to bed. *yawn*
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�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again...
July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol
July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards*
July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo
July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean....