Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry
Quick recap of the weekend and tonight
July 15, 2003 ~ 3:21 AM
I've got a new boyfriend. As of two nights ago. The night before Jen left. Matt Duncan... that little 17 year old who works with me at the Boardwalk... really sweet kid... Andy hates him.... He told me that I'm a dumbass. Cuz I'm dating someone younger. That I'm too easy? Lol. Yeah fucking right. There are at least 15 guys working at the Boardwalk alone who would love to be my boyfriend. I won't even begin with other guys elsewhere. I just happen to like Matt a whole lot. Age, hopefully, will not matter too much in the end. Less freedom, of course. I think I deserve it. When I was 17, i was dating older guys... and keeping them on a leash... no freedom cuz curfew, etc. Things like his not being able to spend the night? So I still sleep alone. Saddens me. I think I just needed... something. Someone. To help me not fall in love. Because I will not fall in love with Matt... I love him. But I won't fall in love with him. That chemistry isn't there. I adore him to no end... and I would prolly marry him even if he didn't propose to me with my prechosen ring... but I don't think I could ever fall in love with him... Other guys scare me. People that I can fall in love with. People who I want to get close to. Met this kid Sean. He's got a crush on my sister. He's got cute hair. Sweet kid but get's hella annoying. Jen would never go for him. She wouldn't ever hang out with him again. He annoys her too much. I dunno... She's weird like that. I'd still chill with him. But prolly not spend days with him again. San Jose... on Friday night... went with Robbie to San Jose... hung out with his friends. Adam. Brian. Joel. Adam is 20. He's awesome. Unpretty hair. Smokes cigarettes. But get this. Last night... or earlier this morning... me and him... we talked on the phone until 8 AM. And I went to sleep. I went to sleep with no Prozac and no Trazodone. And I had no nightmares. I didn't wake up screaming or crying or sweating or with my heart racing. I just... slept. That's amazing. That *something* about him. I'm gonna find it. We're gonna feed ducks. He wants to ask Robbie for permission. Robbie is just my friend. I love Robbie but not like THAT. I'm not even sure if I like Adam like THAT. I just... like him... cuz he tempered my demons for a night. Brian. The whole night... Quiet. Hella quiet. Cute hair. Sweet smile. Very cute hair. He looked sad. I had the feeling that he was sorta lonely. I didn't know what to do about that. I don't know him too well... I wanted to give him a hug. I didn't. I didn't know whether or not he actually disliked me.. or didn't mind I was there... He didn't talk to me much. Kept to himself a whole lot. Seemed not to acknowlegde my presence. He thinks I'm pretty. 
I cut my hair last night. I cut my hair cuz Jenupa accidently got gum in it. It's not too short. I did it at about this time last night. Sunday night or monday morning, same thing. I sent Brian a picture. He says that I'm looking good. Not as shy online. It happens. A lot of ppl are shy in person but not online. {I wonder if Travisboo will even TALK to me if he ever meet me in person.. lol} I was cranky that night. Hadn't slept for 43 hours and Robbie still wanted to "hang out" with his friends. It was 5 AM. I kept on asking if we could go home. Nope. So I was very cranky. Joel... I don't think he liked me very much. I argued with him all night. About stupid ass shit. Just cuz... he was wrong. Lol. I think he's 17 also. Like Brian? They're all hella young or something. Sean is 17... Santa Cruz High School. I ended up calling Kasey and he picked me up and I spent the night at his place... He took me to Valley Fair the next day on his way to work. Where Tom came and met me. Tom dropped me off at the airport. I found my dear Jenupa. We waited for Tom. He gave us a ride to the mall again. I talked to my cute guy. OH YEAH. That guy. He's 23. His name is Ron. He's hot. Doesn't have pretty hair. But hot. Very very sweet. Very charismatic. Has an accent. From Israel. He speaks Hebrew. He has my phone number. I don't think he will call me. I will not call him though I have his number. He's gonna hafta call me. Not like it should matter cuz I have a boyfriend now... I was gonna break up with him... Everyone had convinced me that it wouldn't work out with the little 17 year old who still has a whole year of high school to go. I wonder if he'll ask me to his Prom. Maybe I'll actually enjoy it... I did not enjoy my Prom. I didn't go. I was there for 30 minutes... then Adam wanted to leave... that asshole. I'm not gonna think about him. So yeah. Andy, Jenupa, Adam, whoever and everyone else... I was talking to them. It won't last. It's not real. It's a high school relationship. Etc. Etc. Etc. I was gonna break up with him when I saw him at work. I walked into Fascination... He gave me that aDORable smile of his... sed "Hey Kat" into the microphone with his quirky southern accent... I couldn't do anything but just LOVE him. I didn't have the heart to break up with him. Even though... I don't know... Even though I know that it'll prolly end up one of us hurting. I don't wanna hurt him. He's juss so dang adorable. Little boy. It prolly won't last. Guys his age... don't settle... He likes me... sure. But does he like Kat? Or does he like that nice and pretty 19 year old girl he works with? Andy said something about his going to his friends and bragging about me... that Matt's just using me to look cool. "Hey, guess what, guys, I'm dating a NINETEEN year old who goes to UCSC". Cool? I dunno. I doubt he's doing that. He's too... sweet. But the possibility... It bothers me. Matt is one of those guys. Who is just awesome. Every girl's dream. But for some weird reason, single. For some weird reason, inexperienced. For some weird reason, not being chased by females 24/7. He's SHY. Very adorable. I could go on and on about it. People with crushes on me. Brian. Adam. Robbie. Neno. Ivan. Krzys. Nicolas. Adrian. Tony. Tom. Kasey. Brandon. And many more. Of all these people- a little 17 year old boy whose smile could melt winter. A virgin, no less. Yeah... I'm going to bed.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again...
July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol
July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards*
July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo
July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean....