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small confession
July 31, 2003 ~ 1:47 AM
KatLikesStars: <3
MattGenuineDraft: (talkin to jamie, not to kat... so keep that in mind)
MattGenuineDraft: JK
KatLikesStars: ...
KatLikesStars: you already admitted you were talking to Kat
KatLikesStars: dorkus
MattGenuineDraft: duh
KatLikesStars: dorkus majoris
MattGenuineDraft: JK
MattGenuineDraft: dont u read
MattGenuineDraft: dork
MattGenuineDraft: and that is my name for u
KatLikesStars: ....
KatLikesStars: yer the dork
MattGenuineDraft: any ways
KatLikesStars: i called you that first
KatLikesStars: dork
MattGenuineDraft: ur dorker
MattGenuineDraft: dum dum
KatLikesStars: are you gonna come over tomorrow morning?
MattGenuineDraft: i called u that first
MattGenuineDraft: i donno
MattGenuineDraft: i gotta open
MattGenuineDraft: but
MattGenuineDraft: if u put out
MattGenuineDraft: then
MattGenuineDraft: JK
KatLikesStars: ...
MattGenuineDraft: u know that JK means just kiddin
MattGenuineDraft: ok
MattGenuineDraft: well
MattGenuineDraft: i dont know
MattGenuineDraft: since we are now no longer exclusive
MattGenuineDraft: i donnno
MattGenuineDraft: if ii should go out of my way
KatLikesStars: we haven't been exclusive
KatLikesStars: or if we have, it was by chance on my part
MattGenuineDraft: i know
MattGenuineDraft: but once we start seein other ppl
MattGenuineDraft: i wont be goin to ur house
MattGenuineDraft: cause that would just be unconfortable
KatLikesStars: why
MattGenuineDraft: cause i wouldnt care to see ur BF
KatLikesStars: i won't have a boyfriend
MattGenuineDraft: or the person ur seein
MattGenuineDraft: what ever
KatLikesStars: i'll be seeing you, too
MattGenuineDraft: itll still be wierd cause if he came over
MattGenuineDraft: yea
MattGenuineDraft: that would fucken suck
MattGenuineDraft: im sure the other person would be annoyed too
MattGenuineDraft: i dont mean to upset u
MattGenuineDraft: but
MattGenuineDraft: it would just be to wierd for me
MattGenuineDraft: y rnt u talkin
KatLikesStars: cuz i wouldn't let him come over if you were here what are you stupid?
KatLikesStars: lol
MattGenuineDraft: still
KatLikesStars: matt... would you rather me lie to you?
KatLikesStars: and not tell you about if i see other people?
KatLikesStars: cuz i can do that
MattGenuineDraft: u suck at lyin
KatLikesStars: because i don't want anything to change between us
KatLikesStars: i know i do
MattGenuineDraft: so i would see right through it
KatLikesStars: but i'm excellent at keeping secrets
KatLikesStars: trust me, if you ask me to, you won't know a thing
KatLikesStars: i won't tell you anything
KatLikesStars: i don't want us to change
KatLikesStars: i just want you to be able to find someone else, also
MattGenuineDraft: yea
MattGenuineDraft: but if i did
MattGenuineDraft: i wouldnt be seein u all the time like we are now
KatLikesStars: i would miss that
KatLikesStars: a whole lot
KatLikesStars: yeah you seem like the one girl type of guy
MattGenuineDraft: yea
MattGenuineDraft: pretty much
KatLikesStars: :-(
KatLikesStars: i think you'll be happier with someone else, though?
KatLikesStars: someone better than me
KatLikesStars: better for you
KatLikesStars: not so sad... not so... jaded
MattGenuineDraft: i liike bein with u
MattGenuineDraft: sept how u like to flirt with every guy
MattGenuineDraft: that gets annoyin
MattGenuineDraft: another thing i dont get
MattGenuineDraft: is if u dont want anything to change between us
MattGenuineDraft: y do u want to be with other ppl?
KatLikesStars: i don't
KatLikesStars: i only pretend to
KatLikesStars: so you think i don't
MattGenuineDraft: doenst go throough my head
MattGenuineDraft: doesnt make sence
MattGenuineDraft: sense
KatLikesStars: i know
MattGenuineDraft: *
KatLikesStars: i never make sense
KatLikesStars: i just want you to not get attached
MattGenuineDraft: im not
MattGenuineDraft: i dont get attached
MattGenuineDraft: just
KatLikesStars: cuz all my friends are like this little kid is gonna fall in love with you and yer gonna break his heart
MattGenuineDraft: some of the stuuff u do
MattGenuineDraft: it confuese me
KatLikesStars: and that's the last thing i wanna do
MattGenuineDraft: i wont fall in love
KatLikesStars: so i can't be your girlfriend
KatLikesStars: because i am not committed to you
MattGenuineDraft: i dotn know what the fuck they are talkin about
MattGenuineDraft: yea
KatLikesStars: and i do not feel committed to you
KatLikesStars: because that leads to responsibilities that i don't want
MattGenuineDraft: what?
KatLikesStars: and if i can find a guy who can be my boyfriend, i most likely will toy with the idea a bit
KatLikesStars: then leave him alone
KatLikesStars: and come back to you
KatLikesStars: cuz i honestly think you are perfect for me
KatLikesStars: just way too fucking young
KatLikesStars: and yer not gonna fall in love
KatLikesStars: which just might break MY heart in the end
MattGenuineDraft: i wouldnt hurt u
MattGenuineDraft: u know that
KatLikesStars: i do
KatLikesStars: that's why you are perfect
KatLikesStars: and that's why you scare me
MattGenuineDraft: and it would take a long, long time for em e to get attached to u like love
KatLikesStars: being with JUST YOU scares me because i have this boy. and i don't WANT any other ones
MattGenuineDraft: so that is nothin to be worried
MattGenuineDraft: about
KatLikesStars: and i'm not in love with him
KatLikesStars: and he won't ever be i love with me
KatLikesStars: so it confuses the shit out of me
MattGenuineDraft: i never said that
MattGenuineDraft: it would just take a long long time
MattGenuineDraft: i mean
MattGenuineDraft: like year
MattGenuineDraft: or a few
MattGenuineDraft: so
MattGenuineDraft: NM
KatLikesStars: i just don't wanna get hurt again
KatLikesStars: i know you won't hurt me
KatLikesStars: not intentionally
KatLikesStars: and i don't think even unintentionally
KatLikesStars: just because you are YOU
KatLikesStars: but there are the little things
MattGenuineDraft: the only way i would hurt u is if u hurt me
MattGenuineDraft: and i know u would never
KatLikesStars: like you are a republican and i think bush needs to die
MattGenuineDraft: i told u
KatLikesStars: and i think that animals shouldn't die just because humans are more evolved
MattGenuineDraft: i dont really like bush
KatLikesStars: oh
MattGenuineDraft: its just proof that any idiot can be president
MattGenuineDraft: member
KatLikesStars: lol
MattGenuineDraft: ???
KatLikesStars: shut up
MattGenuineDraft: i tell u that all the time
KatLikesStars: stop being... you
KatLikesStars: yeah
MattGenuineDraft: how could u forget
KatLikesStars: but then i read your profile
KatLikesStars: lol
KatLikesStars: and you say vote bush
MattGenuineDraft: i know
MattGenuineDraft: yea
MattGenuineDraft: but
MattGenuineDraft: its good stuff
MattGenuineDraft: i bet he wins the election again
MattGenuineDraft: just cause we are at war and we need a person who will take action
MattGenuineDraft: not cause he is a good leader
MattGenuineDraft: he is just a puppet for the military
KatLikesStars: matt....
KatLikesStars: what do you see in me?
KatLikesStars: still waters run deep
KatLikesStars: i'm... a whole lot
KatLikesStars: i don't even know how to warn you
KatLikesStars: and you know i have depression but i deal with it with my prozac, etc
MattGenuineDraft: yea
KatLikesStars: but you don't know what i have gone through
MattGenuineDraft: ok
KatLikesStars: you will never understand that pain, the hopelessness, the desolation
KatLikesStars: and as you said, you're a happy kid
KatLikesStars: and you are
KatLikesStars: and i love that about you
KatLikesStars: so much
MattGenuineDraft: yea
KatLikesStars: your almost constant joy and your innocence
KatLikesStars: but i'm not
KatLikesStars: i was a sad kid
KatLikesStars: i was a depressed kid
KatLikesStars: i was a suicidal kid
KatLikesStars: and now, i'm a highly medicated to be happy kid
MattGenuineDraft: i know
MattGenuineDraft: uve told me
KatLikesStars: and you don't understand the... severity of that
KatLikesStars: i'm not normal
KatLikesStars: you are
KatLikesStars: i'm not... completely sane
KatLikesStars: plus i'm still in love with my ex
MattGenuineDraft: yea
KatLikesStars: who doesn't even wanna see me again
MattGenuineDraft: i can sense that
MattGenuineDraft: he is an ass
MattGenuineDraft: u need to get over him
KatLikesStars: i think the main thing in all this is... that i don't think that i deserve you. because you will make some pretty little girl very happy because you are the perfect boyfriend and everything a girl could want
KatLikesStars: and noah sucks but he's not an ass
KatLikesStars: he's one of the most amazing people i've ever met
MattGenuineDraft: he s a dick
KatLikesStars: and i've met a whole shitload of people
KatLikesStars: and i don't want to get over him because if i do that's giving up on my heart and giving up on love and i can't do that because love is the only reason why i hadn't died all those times i wanted to kill myself
KatLikesStars: noah is love
KatLikesStars: and you're right. he's also a fucking dick.
KatLikesStars: i know what i need. i need food. i need air. i need water. i need money.
KatLikesStars: i need clothing and a place to sleep
KatLikesStars: i don't need to get over Noah Dekkers
KatLikesStars: because no one will ever be able to love me like that
MattGenuineDraft: and u dont need him either
KatLikesStars: I don't need Noah. I don't need you. I don't need anyone. That wasn't on my list.
KatLikesStars: but you know what? Kat needs love.
MattGenuineDraft: i never said u needed me
KatLikesStars: she needs it so much that sometimes it hurts to think about love slipping away the way it did
KatLikesStars: you are too good for me and that is still the bottom line
KatLikesStars: Noah Dekkers or not
KatLikesStars: you are still too perfect for someone like me
KatLikesStars: eternally flawed
KatLikesStars: you make me happy
KatLikesStars: and that makes me skeptical
MattGenuineDraft: u cheer me up
MattGenuineDraft: ?
KatLikesStars: i cheer you up?
KatLikesStars: how?
KatLikesStars: you are not unhappy
KatLikesStars: you don't need to be cheered up
MattGenuineDraft: na
MattGenuineDraft: well
MattGenuineDraft: u make my day
MattGenuineDraft: i am normally happy
MattGenuineDraft: then u seem to make my day even better
KatLikesStars: ...
KatLikesStars: really?
KatLikesStars: i don't think so
KatLikesStars: it's a novelty
KatLikesStars: you are not used to being adored by an older woman
KatLikesStars: it will wear off
KatLikesStars: and it won't be exciting anymore
MattGenuineDraft: i doubt it
KatLikesStars: and you will see
KatLikesStars: because you won't fall in love with me, you will lose interest
KatLikesStars: i don't want you to fall in lvoe with me cuz we'll both hurt
KatLikesStars: i'll hurt because i can't love
KatLikesStars: you'll hurt because i can't love
KatLikesStars: meh
KatLikesStars: call me if you wanna talk
KatLikesStars: i'm away
MattGenuineDraft: bye
KatLikesStars: {call my house}
KatLikesStars: i woud really like it if you'd call me
KatLikesStars: but i won't expect the call
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
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July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo
July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean....