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my back hurts
August 01, 2003 ~ 1:02 AM
So I realized sometime today in the gym that I know the girl that Noah's fucking right now. That Leila girl. He introduced me to her once. After or before ACE, I don't remember. I'm prettier than her. ;-P Said like a true jealous ex-gf. I dunno. It juss hurts to know that he fell in love with someone he'd introduced to me as a friend when he was supposedly in love with me.
It's really cool that cai5natux used something that I said in one of my old diary entries as her quote of the day today. I really like her. She's one of those people that I don't really know but love nonetheless. =] People like her make me like human beings again. Cats are still better.
OH! I fixed my cat ears tonight. Well, I didn't really fix them, but they are wearable again!!! *yay* I'm happy. I don't hafta feel naked anymore!! Woo! I had to destroy a perfectly adorable black thong to do it but it's done. I decided that my cat ears are way more important than my thong. I have tons of those. They were cute, though. =/ Oh well. It was for a better cause.
I saw Blake at the gym today. That guy... He is so fucking hot. Gah! Everytime I see him I don't believe I'm seeing him. That's how sexy he is. Lol. His little bro has cute hair, though. I don't even remember his little brother's name, though. But Blake... Blake is yummy. I have no chance in the WORLD with someone like him. He's way too sexy. =P Sexy men don't go for girls like me... Cept Matty. Who's phone number I don't have anymore. How sad. That man was hot. Sponsered surfer... Eesh. Blake is hotter, actually. But I have less of a chance with Blake than Matty. And my chances with Matty are zero. Like I sed, guys like them don't date girls like me. Not "perfect" enough. Pretty, perfect, Abercrombie/Roxy girls. And me- I don't like labels. Still won't pay someone just to advertise for them. I'm not a human billboard. Oh hey, I need to email those pictures to Blake. I sorta miss Bud. He's an old man that I knew as a child. A good friend. Prolly my only one. A frequent customer at my parents' restaurant when I was growing up. His name was Bud Blake. He died before my parents even sold the restaurant in 97. I didn't get to go to the funeral. I don't remember why. That man, he was... good. There aren't a lot of people like him. I learned to read auras when I learned to read him. Cowboy. Heh. Orlando "Bud" Blake.
Yeah I got to hang out with Andy today. We got a pizza. Played Mario. Went to the Safeway where crazy psycho bitch doesn't work. I like the other safeway better. =D I didn't see Matt today. I don't think I miss him as much as I say I do. Whereas if it were Noah... I think that my relationship with Matt will never reach another level. Because he will never fall in love with me. And me, I will never fall in love again period. I don't understand why people always say "Never say never." If they took their own advice they couldn't say the damned sentence. And sometimes, you just know. I do because I realized for a fact that I didn't want to fall out of love with Noah Dekkers. I didn't want to lose faith in true love. Guess what? I didn't. And I am happy, dammit. Not in love, but happy. Thanks to Andy. Thanks to Matt. Thanks to Travis. Thanks to Robbie. Thanks to Jenupa. Thanks to money. Thanks to gymming. Thanks to birds and squirrels and butterflies. I wouldn't mind being Matt's girlfriend some day. I wouldn't mind it at all.
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�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again...
July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol
July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards*
July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo
July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean....