Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry
love love love love love love love
August 15, 2003 ~ 3:45 AM
Matt finally admitted to me that he loves me. Go him. He makes me happy. I can see myself with him for a long long time. But then I wanted to be with Noah forever. Things never work out how I'd like. I wish that Matt were older. I think this relationship with the little boy will end up to be my longest one by far. Though me and him have absolutely nothing in common and disagree on everything from politics to diet to people... we NEVER argue. We never fight. The only thing we ever argue about is his mother. I seem to be always defending his mother and trying to talk sense into him and trying to convince him to stop lying to them. And then they go and fuck it up. Lol. Andy flew Jenupa up for the week. I've missed her, I'm so happy she's here. Too bad I work so much. But yeah last night me, Jen, Matt, and Andy went bowling and we lost track of time cuz we didn't start til 11. And Matt of course missed his curfew. His mother wouldn't let him drive for 2 days. He told me "See this is what I get for telling the truth, Kat". Sorta a little "I told you so". Now I feel bad for trying to convince him to stop lying to his mom and dad. And a bit stupid. It makes me sad that his mother doesn't know him so well. Oh I met Matt's grandmother. She's a real sweet lady. Matt mows her lawn for her. Gawd, he is so cute. Even though he believes in god. Meh. Everytime I see him I'm just... light. Everything brightens up it's so warm and so nice. Puppy love. That wears out, right? Could puppy love develop into something real? Eventually? I know it's puppy love. I'm the first woman who's ever been so interested in him. I rock his world because of that boundless and bubbly adoration I have for him. This is the third day since July 19th that I've haven't seen Matt at all the whole day. I look forward to seeing him tomorrow. Cuz you know, he wasn't gonna stay grounded. Lol. I don't think that anything can keep him from me come hell and high parents. Or sober ones. When I'm with him I constantly smile to myself because I know how lucky I am to have found this wonderful little boy. Sweet tempered, playful, dorky, caring, and yes, loving. I asked him once "Matt, feel what's right here (*taps his heart*) and tell me what you feel for me." He didn't know. Or knew but wouldn't admit. He's not good at articulating his feelings... and we never ever talk about feelings cuz he's so NOT GOOD at it. Too young. Hasn't explored his feelings yet. Prolly. Meh. Iono. But when I asked that question, he told me that he doesn't know what he feels, but he does now that he loves being around me and that he'd do anything to make me happy. Very very sweet and naive thing to say and it did touch me. And I loved him that much more for it. Knowing that he's uncomfortable talkign about feelings yet he told me something so good as that... Iono. He's sweet. He's a good kid. And happy. It's contagious. You can't be too sad around him cuz he's such a happy kid and he just throws out this positive warmness. I'm going to bed. now.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again...
July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol
July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards*
July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo
July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean....