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Niko... goddamn straight boys
August 19, 2003 ~ 2:04 AM
So Niko wanted me to go spend the night at his place. I said no. He wanted to come over here. I said no. He got upset. He told me that he thought I was interested. And I told him that even if I am I wouldn't do anything about it. I told him I wanted to be his friend. He told me he's got a lot of friends. He wanted to hook up with me. So I guess that's the only reason why he called me. Right. Boys. They do that. It fucking sucks. Straight boys, that is. He hung up threatening never to call again. Then calls back ten minutes later, tells me that now he's intrigued by me. Lol. Bull fucking SHIT. Matt... my darling Matt... I didn't want to hurt him. At first... the idea of falling asleep next to someone... anyone... sounded delightful. Wonderful. I love sleeping when I'm with someone. We all know that. I sleep better when I'm with someone. We all know that, too! It sounded so good. He's cute, he's sweet, he's legal, he's available, he's in walking distance. I said no. Of course. There was no other answer. I love Matt too fucking much I would NEVER want to hurt him. And having a guy who wants to fuck me spend the night would hurt him a whole lot, I'm sure... even if he won't admit it. Matt actually thought that I'd be able to say yes. I'm glad I have him. We have an amazingly conflict-free relationship and we LOVE each other. Now why would I let some asshole like Niko fuck it up?
On a wonderfully lighter note, I tried talking to that beautiful boy again. Mike or Deacon. He prefers to be called Deacon, I guess. And this time, he actually talked back. He is actually really awesome once he stops ignoring you and brushing you off. Lol. He is just as pretty on the inside as he is on the outside. I hope to meet him one day so I can feel his aura. Sometimes I'm scared that he is much too beautiful for me and that he'll realize this one day and disappear. Like how I'm scared that Matt will realize he's too good for me one day. And leave. Deacon... he's gay. And he reminds me that there are people in the world that are *truly* beautiful and not just superfically. I'm gonna go now because I am having great fun turning Greg's eyes different colors... Lol. He sent me a pic and he's got blue eyes so hella red eye. I'm making him violet-eyed, blue-eyed, and green-eyed. It's fun.
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�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again...
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July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards*
July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo
July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean....